Sadness: my recovering girlfriend has let me go.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
m1ke glad you found that useful, me too, all those Zen readings are therapeutic and apply to me too .... I just re read it...
My favorite part is "refusing to force people in the containers I have for them"...
My favorite part is "refusing to force people in the containers I have for them"...
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by Babyblue 
Many of us here are in pain to one degree or another. Get strength wherever you can. 
I've been attempting meditation, journaling, talking to friends. I still ache but I also live.
I've been attempting meditation, journaling, talking to friends. I still ache but I also live.I am learning the meaning of "one day at a time;" one hour at a time; and sometimes one moment at a time. When you lose someone important it feels like a vacuum inside. Suddenly I have free time. What do I use it for?
Last night she called. We talked all night. Our conversation was uplifting. I expressed my love through words of support and hope (without expectations). We talked about our lives. We goofed. It was fun and I felt some tranquility which has carried me through today. I know that the lonesomeness, sorrow, and sadness will return. When it does I will just have to take it in stride.
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
Here I learned feelings are... feelings... we cannot reason them into something else. They just are... I canīt control or change them either, I can either deny them, fight them, or face them-let them be- express them in healthy non harmful ways.
After my mourning subsided (took 3 years) I realized, the only way I could truly cherish what I lived and felt with XABF, was by letting him go. Because only when I let him go, am I able to see the good in him, the laughs we shared, and all those little moments that stay in our heart - all of this, without any more anger, resentment, longing, regret, etc etc. Here in SR I learned "letting go" is not forgetting important people forever, its keeping what was good, and leaving the rest.
After my mourning subsided (took 3 years) I realized, the only way I could truly cherish what I lived and felt with XABF, was by letting him go. Because only when I let him go, am I able to see the good in him, the laughs we shared, and all those little moments that stay in our heart - all of this, without any more anger, resentment, longing, regret, etc etc. Here in SR I learned "letting go" is not forgetting important people forever, its keeping what was good, and leaving the rest.
What I do understand, however, is that I am single and I am free. She expects me to go and live my life. That is what I am to do. It may not be much. But as I go, i want to keep her in my heart and feel her inspiration inside of me.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 13
I can completely relate to your post. My bf left me 2 months after going into rehab. He said he couldn't be "boyfriend material" while working on his sobriety. He doesn't remember a lot of us and his feelings about us because he's an addict and was numb our entire relationship. This is hard for my brain to process, as I'm sure it's hard for you to realize with your ex gf. I think the whole concept of this disease and the hostages that the alcoholic/addict takes is the worst pain ever.
For me, I really did think that everything would be great once he became sober. Never did I think that he would decide not to be in our relationship. It's so hard to explain to someone who hasn't been in this situation. You are present and love the person and they are in an alternate universe, in the depths and demons of their disease. It is painful. I wish you the best!
For me, I really did think that everything would be great once he became sober. Never did I think that he would decide not to be in our relationship. It's so hard to explain to someone who hasn't been in this situation. You are present and love the person and they are in an alternate universe, in the depths and demons of their disease. It is painful. I wish you the best!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 86
Originally Posted by ZoeLee
For me, I really did think that everything would be great once he became sober. Never did I think that he would decide not to be in our relationship...they are in an alternate universe, in the depths and demons of their disease. It is painful.
On Sunday she called and invited me up for dinner and I accepted. She has started to look healthy and rested. She spoke meaningfully and we had fun. We held hands and kissed. She told me that she needs more time. I held her close for awhile and then drove home. When I got back to SF I felt touched. But I continue to focus on myself and let it be.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Saltburn UK
Posts: 278
I hope you are feeling better today Rorty, as they say, one day at a time. What comes over from your posts-you are a guy with a big heart, and it's broken-but you (not her) are the one who can fix it. Perhaps you can start to redirect some of that love and affection to your own needs now.
I also think you need a bit of breathing space before making any decisions, in my experience going somewhere else can make it worse-you take the problem with you and it gets amplified. Big cities can feel quite lonely in these cicumstances.
Wishing you all the best.
I also think you need a bit of breathing space before making any decisions, in my experience going somewhere else can make it worse-you take the problem with you and it gets amplified. Big cities can feel quite lonely in these cicumstances.
Wishing you all the best.
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