TakingCharge999

So I was always aware of my daddy issues but just recently I start to realize my mommy issues are not easy either,

Trusting people that are no worth it - totally learned this from my mom.


She is in Mex city... lived all her life there... and she has no support system!!

No support system - I learned this from my mom, too.


The only 2 people she knows,

1 an aunt, but its not like they are superclose -she is way healthier than my mom-she buys nice clothes and uses perfume and has a partner and laughs often and eats healthy breakfasts. It sounds bad but I sense my aunt pities my mom.

2 the mom of a fellow classmate I had in elementary school. This woman was part of a close circle of women, all moms of my classmates. This was like the circle of the "smart ones"- even though I was a super geek and often beat them and got 1st honors, etc, my mom was not included in the circle "because it was for boys and their moms".

SHE IS THE CLOSEST PERSON TO MY MOM TO THIS DAY!!



Ok, now that this pathetic fact is "out there",


My uncle was supposed to drive my mom to the city I live in. (Around 7-8 hours by car). He has put excuse after excuse not to do it.

My mom has believed him time after time after time.

She said "this time it will be true, he said he will come get me on Thursday".

I am willing to bet this won´t happen.

So guess who has to go there and get my mom and drive her here? I have to... she has NO ONE who could help her there... for this, I resent her.

More so now that I am going to rehab and shouldn´t be driving much. My mom knows this and she still asks me to go get her. Oh because she doesn´t drive in a highway (which is not even busy but is modern, its a straight line without curves for God´s sakes). And because there´s no one else.

And I am in one of the most stressful weeks where I am on call and supposed to be available for work, etc,etc.

There is my pain in the left knee. Lack of support from Mom.I help her all the time!! she is totally healthy and has money now. And when she is here she wants me to drive and go check houses with her and solve things for her. Well now that she will have her own car here there will be no excuse to have me driving.

Let´s see if my knee pain helps me to say NO.

BTW her car is a disgrace and is totally abandoned.
And she got all my dad´s money, wants a life solved without moving a finger.





Ok.
Sorry for my rant.
Needed to get this out of my system before I went to sleep.


Maybe I tell her NO, I can´t this weekend, and wait for 2 weeks or until my therapist gives me the OK to drive nonstop for 7 hours... I am afraid she will get angry and frustrated but those are not my issues right ? And what about my trip there, why should I pay? I got nothing and she has a huge account . Wouldn´t it be decent for her to offer to pay for my trip ?

And her car-totally abandoned- I am ashamed to drive it- that one is not my issue either right? I live in a good neighborhood and am sure they will frown upon her car. I already see the disapproval to her by how she dresses and looks. None of that are my issues right? And if others think badly of me for having this mom , its their issue too, right... ?


Let´s just say I am glad I am in therapy otherwise I would be going crazier than I am already going.
Just angry with myself realizing how much I have learned from her. Codependency is very pathetic and twisted. I did not see her issues before, I was acting the same way but now that I woke up - OH boy is it scary.



Thanks for a safe place to express what I am really feeling.

I need to think about my boundaries and roles here.

I have to think about myself first. I hope between SR and therapy I regain my sanity regardless of frequent contact with my mom nowadays. Bear with me...

TakingCharge999

PS Its tricky business because we have lived apart for so many years now, I have missed her and want to spend time with her.

On the other hand I am getting healthier and this precious amount of joy- peace-freedom is so fragile I can almost see when unhealthy characters start sucking my energy away.

m1k3

TC ((((hugs))))

Feel free to vent to your hearts content. It always good to get things out in the open. They always look different and usually smaller in the light of day. BTW, quick question for you. How does you driving down and getting your mother help you with your recovery?

Your friend,

TakingCharge999

Thank you mike,
It helped to get it out there.
I just talked to my mom and she will seek other options.
Hopefully I don't have to go after all.
I was prepared to tell her "No, I can't do this right now".
I will move my worry for Thursday when I know for sure...

TakingCharge999

Thank you mike,
It helped to get it out there.

I just talked to my mom and she will seek other options.

Hopefully I don't have to go after all.

I was prepared to tell her "No, I can't do this right now".
I will move my worry for Thursday when I know for sure.

Feel much better today.
Focusing on what IS my business....

m1k3

Always a good place to focus.

Glad your feeling better.

Your friend,