LIFEOUTTHERE

August 5 years ago I found this sight.. I was a completely lost wife of an alcoholic, raising 3 little ones... Meg 5, Mike 3 and Peyton 18 months. After I left my AH I completely started over.. We have no contact with the alcoholic. About a month ago I shared my story on facebook and got an overwhelming response. I'd like to share on here for anyone who might be interested!

This time 5 years ago... I sat in a hotel room in Gatlinburg with my parents. They kidnapped me and the kids for a week and took us for some family time and 'me' time that I desperately needed. I think it was more of an intervention on their part... I was merely excisting at this point in my life... I barely remember anything about the last 3 years of my marriage. I felt nothing... My spirit was broken... people who know me describe it as looking into my eyes and seeing nothing. I had been married to an alcoholic for 7 years... although most people never even knew... it was to the point his alcoholism was killing me and to this day it is slowly killing him. 2 days into our vacation, Peyton, who was just walking dunked my phone in the toilet... no contact with the husband at all.. and you can bet I heard about this when I got home... but God works in mysterious way.. it truly was a blessing that this happen.. I didn't have to worry about checking in with him and we went on and had the best time... and I realized something very important... I didn't miss him and I didn't need him there with me to be happy... While on vacation my child got sick... actually 2 of my children got sick. We had to stop on the way home and get Megan a shot just so she could ride back, bless her heart she was miserable! We got home and the joy of that week slowly disappeared... I had to go back to him, to that place... I am so ashamed that I allowed my kids to live there. A few days later I remember getting sick... so sick with the virus that the kids had and my 5 year old taking care of me while he was off doing God knows what... and I remember thinking for the first time in years... yes, THINKING!.. WHY? Why am I doing this to my kids and to myself... 2 weeks passed and I spent the weekend with my parents... for my birthday. I remember lots of people being there and I remember laughing.. I had not laughed in a really long time and it felt good, when it was time to go home, I didn't want to go... My parents took me to meet him and instantly he started a fight... and you know what... I fought back... for the first time ever... I grew a back bone overnight. What had I just done? I was so shocked that I stood up to him... We got home and the fighting continued... so I picked up the phone... a track phone that had just enought time for me to make 1 call to mom and dad and say 'come get me'... Again God working ... I wasn't sure if they had even heard me, but I was praying... I could not beleive I had just done that.. I remember my Mikey saying... Mommy are we really leaving?? Yes baby, We are leaving... and my baby smiled and took my hand and said... come on mommy, lets go... almost as if he was begging me not to change my mind... Michael usually took the brunt of his dad's anger... this is a moment that is forever burnt into my memory... I left that night with the cloths on my back, my babies and $20 that I had hid and I have not looked back... Most of my 'new friends' just know me as the single mom... they have no idea where the kids dad is and most never ask.. if anything is ever told it is usually volunteered by my parents.. it is not something I am proud of... Why do I feel the need to share... I guess lately I have been down and I sometimes need to remind myself that I have come a long way. And as hard as it sometimes is, raising these kids, making ends meet and every now and again that feeling of hopelessness that creeps back into my life... I have to stop and tell myself, I can do this!! I am a survivor! These last 5 years I have really gotten to know myself and discovered that there is a lot of joy out there... I am so thankful for the smile on my kids face and the happiness that has found it's way back into my life... I am thankful for friends who do not care where I have been, who are there for me, no questions ask... I am thankful for my parents who I know wanted to give up on me, but never did... If I had stayed... I can't think about it...

BobbyJ

WOW! What of post!....."HAT'S OFF TO YOU LADY"

You grew a pair, thats pretty awesome!!!

Gave me goose bumps, I must say....

laurie6781

Thank you for returning to tell us of your growth and change.

Whether you know it or not, we have not had an influx of newcomers lately struggling as you did, but some current ones in very similar predicaments.

You sharing this NOW is a WONDERFUL window for them to see that it is possible for themselves and their children to move on and yes, have struggles, but have peace and serenity in their lives.

Thank you so much.

Love and hugs,

dollydo

One should never underestimate their power to change, to change their life and the lives of their children all for the better.

You are living proof that it can be done.

Thanks so much for sharing this with us!

catlovermi

What a gift you've given to your children.... freedom from living that way...

This gift will be built into the whole remainder of their lives.

CLMI

tjp613

Bless you and thank you for sharing your story of hope. You have made the difference in the lives of your children and they will always remember your courage.

Seren

Thank you for sharing your story. You are an example of how we are all stronger than we believe.....

Hugs, HG

Tally

It's the hard choices, the ones we're scared of, that are normally the ones we should make/take. You're doing a fabulous job!

I went through similar with my ex. Spent time apart as he went to visit his folks for a few weeks and I didn't lift the phone once to call him. Realised I didn't miss him in the slightest...it's quite freeing when it hits you eh.

coffeedrinker

beautiful. welcome back. you can be a light to others

sojourner

LifeOutThere: Thanks for your wonderful story. God is good! I too raised 3 kids apart from their addict father, so i know the down feelings that can come. They are now adults. 2 have completed college and are on good journeys into adulthood. The third struggles with addiction, but that does not consume our lives and I hope and believe that he will one day walk away from that lifestyle.

One of the blessings from my having successfully removed myself and my children from 24/7 addiction (as you have) is that I am now in a position, like your parents, to be a source of wisdom and help for them when they are in emotional trouble.

Thanks for your story. I'm sure it will be an inspiration for lots of people who are now where you were at!

LIFEOUTTHERE

Thanks Ya'll..

MTSlideAddict

I'm really glad you shared your journey. It has really touched my heart. You are an incredible and strong women that has come a long way. Feel proud of the strength that you have been blessed with. Keep it up!

lillamy

That put tears in my eyes and sent a shiver down my spine.
Good for you, for saving yourself and your children.