djayr

My personal experience with an AW is the drinking gets progressively worse, and no matter how much I love her while repeating "in sickness or in health", nothing changes. 17 year marriage 12 years of alcholism no end in sight.

bruingirl

Polish-

Just wanted to say that even though some of the posts may seem harsh, you should know that they are not meant to come out of a place of hatred or ignorance. Rather they show a desire to help someone we can relate to and who is in the same shoes that we once found ourselves in. We've all been there and had to suffer the frightening effects of what life with an addict is like, and so we feel it necessary to caution you.

I understand what it means to love unconditionally. I loved my ex alcoholic with all of my heart (and quite frankly still do), but being in love with somebody is not the only thing that makes the car go. And more than that, you cannot love somebody into sobriety, unconditional or not. Addiction is a crazy disease with profound and lifelong implications, this is something worth thinking a lot about. It will change him (and you) in ways that I'm sure you would never imagine today. After that relationship, I find that I can still love him unconditionally from afar and pray for his well being without being involved with him or his nasty addiction. The best thing I can do is leave it up to god.

bruingirl

Also, just to add mine has been trying marijuana maintanence for years and even got a medical marijuana card so it would be easier to access. He is probably the worst he's ever been right now. Smoking marijuana may seem recreational for some, but for an addict it reignites the same addictive mechanism in the brain as do other drugs of choice. It always gets worse...trust me.

onlyliveonce

Yes another person here saying it only gets worse if e is not seroius about recovery...You will get to the point where even looking at him will repulse you because of his actions while drinking. I hung in there for 20 years and it still doesn't make a difference to this day..he is still an addict and alcoholic who is still doing what he does..... Do you want to take a front seat to watching the devastation?? Kids- oh lord- please don't have any with an addict/alcoholic...they are not good parents or role models. And it is impossible to co-parent with one also. Our 16 year old son can't stand his father - thinks he's just and idiot ~ and he's right!! After going through what I have I can't help but wonder "surely why would anyone put themselves through this (hell,literally) for another person. It's a terrible home life to have with children. Always on your guard and you never will get the truth....Keep reading, it took me awhile to see how I wasn't "helping"him by helping him, I was actually delaying the inevitable....still waiting on him to hit his bottom (well not waiting like before I just know it's coming)
It's a tough road to go down....and unnecessary...I was a foolish foolish girl....I learned alot from him and the disease but he has to want it...not just you. If I could have loved my alcoholic sober I would have...It just doesn't work that way.

Hoping for many sane and peaceful days!!

MeredithD1

While I was away, my AH DVR'd some programs, including the follow-ups to Season 5 of Dr. Drew - Celebrity Rehab (love that show.) Dr. Drew reiterated that marijuana and alcohol have the same brain chemistry and trigger the same addictive patterns - if one is alcoholic, marijuana will be addictive. My AH and I talked about that a bit, and he asked for my observation, so I gave it to him.

"When you are not doing alcohol, you want to do marijuana. When you are not doing marijuana, you want to do alcohol. It is the same addictive pattern."

His response: "I can't say anything to that because I know you are right."