My mom is making threats again.

Old 08-17-2011, 10:40 AM
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My mom is making threats again.

I had posted awhile back about my mom, so I will just give a small background. She has been an alchoholic for 40+ years, and she is only 58. This summer she has spend time in a psych ward twice, been in jail once, and tried to strangle my aunt. She has also threatened to kill her husband. We are from Indiana, but about a month ago, she decided to go stay with her sister in Texas. Within 4 days she tried to strangle my aunt, got picked up for PI, and tried to get my aunt in trouble. After sitting for 2 days in jail, my aunt decided that she knew how to "fix" my mother and was willing to give it another try with her. Another week or so went by and my mom wound up in the ER because she was acting crazy again. Planting popsicles in the yard, walking around the house showing off her crotch, using everything in the cabinet to cook hamburger helper, and washing the porch with coffee and koolaid, just to name a few things. She stayed a couple nights, was supposedly diagnosed bipolar and PTSD. While all this was going on my aunt would call me and my sister telling us how good my mom was doing, and how she was slowly getting better. Meanwhile, her husband filed for divorce "to help her". Sigh...
As all this was going on, me and my sister were losing our grandma that had practicaly raised us. We kept it from my mom because we did not want her rushing back up here making a scene. (it is my fathers mother). We lost our grandma a week ago, and somehow the very next day my mother found out. We had to make it clear to her that she would not be allowed at the funeral, and there would be police by the doors if we heard she came back to IN. Well that obviously went over really well. She called the funeral home leaving a message for the family to call her, and she called a couple of my grandmother friends. The day of the viewing she left me a voicemail and said that if we though she was a cold hearted bitch now, to wait until she gets home, she would show us one then. She called my work and called me names to my co-workers. Then every now and then she would leave a message sounding nice and normal saying she understood, etc. Sunday I accidentally answered when she called. She told me this wasnt about me and I had no right to keep her from the funeral. I went off and told her we not only lost our grandma, but we've also lost our mother.
Yesterdays voicemail was nice, she just sounded a little off. But today she told me that I am telling her husband lies about her, she would never call me or my sister names. That she was going to see her grandkids one way or the other and that I could keep them from her. (a little background, my oldest daughters father is not in the picture, hasn't been for 8 years now, all we know is that he is somewhere in Tennessee) She said that she would either go through the court system or get ahold of my oldests father to see her grandbabies. Then she said something about a lawyer. She has threatened to call Child Protective Services on my countless times this summer, so I'm sure that is what she is planning this time. But I just don't care anymore. There is just no way I want my kids around that right now. Last week I did let my oldest and youngest talk to her because it was my daughters birthday. They could both tell she wasnt' right.
My stepfather calls us and tells us how good she is doing, and how we need to call her more. I'm not sure if it is the truth but according to them she has been sober for almost a month now. I just find it hard to believe considering my aunt thought at first that it would be bad for my mom to completely stop drinking and thought having a beer or two at night would be good. But we told our mother the last time she was in the hospital here that it was either go to an inpatient rehab, or we were done. She made her choice, and I feel like we should stick to what we said. Even without drinking, she is not right. And I just cannot handle it anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:18 AM
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But we told our mother the last time she was in the hospital here that it was either go to an inpatient rehab, or we were done. She made her choice, and I feel like we should stick to what we said. Even without drinking, she is not right. And I just cannot handle it anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore.
If you can stick to this boundary, (inpatient or no contact), that could help to calm your life and that of your children.
It does sound as if your mother has quite a few more issues than drinking and for everyones sake you must get a rest from her.
There is nothing you can do or say to make her behave or stop drinking, you can only stop listening.
I hope you can find some respite from the chaos, and perhaps look into a support group for yourself and your children. I have found ACOA a great help.
I am an adult child of an alcoholic and in recovery from alcohol.

Beth

I am deeply sorry for the loss of your grandmother.
:ghug3
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Old 08-17-2011, 12:13 PM
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I agree to set definite boundaries with her and I too believe there are more serious issues going on here than drinking. Try to tape record (messages) to prove her threats. Document and keep everyone safe. Maybe a family doc can help get her evaluated or get some help. Police can give you a protective order to protect you and your kids.
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