stuartp

So why are you here? If your done with dealing with alcoholics/addicts and don't have anything positive to contribute, then move on. This topic seemed to have hit a raw nerve with you and you seem to have very clear opinions based upon your personal experience - and I don't deny you that.

Just saying.

Jazzman

Well duh!

If more publishing doctors had actual first hand experience WITH addiction rather than study it this would have been determined years ago.

Symmetry

Absolutely. Addiction is a shameful dis ease. I do not think I'd want to come out of the closet on this one or at least not while I was using. I believe those comments were referring to those addicts who are not choosing the path of recovery. We have to protect ourselves from those who are using.

NYCDoglvr

I'm a recovering alcoholic approaching my 20th year and I don't think it matters what someone calls it. Ok, I may have a disease but I'm still responsible for my choices in how I handle it. I can seek treatment (in my case, AA and therapy) or decide to destroy myself and everyone around me. And, as someone who is co-dependent, I'm responsible for taking care of myself, including putting a lot of space between me and anyone who causes misery in my life.

marie1960

Geez Stuart, Perhaps you are not understanding the focus of this forum. It is a tool that always others to share there experience and offer support. Nobody is throwing stones or mud. There is no need to pull out your big guns here.

Take what you want and leave the rest, but please try and mind your manners..........

Jadmack25

Quote from post by Stuart in reply to my last post. (((So why are you here? If your done with dealing with alcoholics/addicts and don't have anything positive to contribute, then move on. This topic seemed to have hit a raw nerve with you and you seem to have very clear opinions based upon your personal experience - and I don't deny you that.)))

If you had seen any past posts from me you would know why I came here and why I am still here. Just because my RABF is sober and doing nicely right now, does not mean I get to smugly sit back and enjoy. Have been here a few times before and the fan eventually started poo slinging, so even tho this time he has his program and is taking sobriety seriously, I am still wary.

I made boundaries in the past and never kept them, but am determined to do so from now on, not for anyone else's sake but for my own well being. I come here because I like to keep up with old friends, stay strong myself and maybe contribute some help and support to those who want it and are prepared to listen. I don't think the news about Addiction and brain disfunction or any of the posts about it here, has hit a raw nerve as I have always felt it existed.

The only thing that surprised me was your posts which seemed quite strong and not in keeping with the ideals of SR, and I wondered why that was necessarily so.

I haven't been online for a while this year, as I was somewhat busy caring for my dying mother, and then coping with the aftermath and grieving a big loss.

You may wonder why I continue here, but a fair few others know and get something from me, just as I learn and get lots from them, and I guess that is all that really matters.

All the best to you.

stuartp

Jadmack - sry to hear about all the stuff you've been through.

Perhaps I misunderstood, but it sounded from some of the previous posts (perhaps my interpretation) on this thread - which is about addiction being a brain disorder, that certain people did not accept this and instead looked at the addicts behavior as a character flaw (or some other flaw) and not related to a physiological/psychological/chemical-dependency type of issue. As I am fairly new to my own recovery, this is a topic that I have spent much time thinking about and weighing in the various perspectives so that I hope to better understand myself and my condition/addiction/moral flaws/ etc.

It seems that in many of the recovery models, there is a strong tendency to treat the disease/condition/whatever one wants to call it, and to not blame/accuse/persecute (not sure what words to use here and hope these aren't too strong) the person themselves (but while maintaining accountability).

And, furthermore, many of these recovery models seek to bring the adddiction out of the gutter/closet/mire/shame and into a place where it (the addiction) can be treated as a condition and attempting to maintain as much of the addict's integrity/self-worth/etc. intact to the extent that it can be preserved (what's left of it) and built up to the point of (hopefully) having a recovered and (hopefullly) a productive member of society.

So, after being told that my addition is a disease, illness, etc and that being an alcoholic is not something to be ashamed of (my teenage daughter as well as others have told me this), I found it surprising that there were some very 'traditional' views on alcoholics on this board - in that their actions are their actions, this 'brain disease' stuff is another diversion that takes away from the real problem - the alcoholic themselves. Now, perhaps I have misinterpreted this - I did not go back to carefully analyse (again) all the comments, but, this is the general impression I got from some of these postings... which I guess is fine, everyone's entitled to their opinions and positions.

I just treated these comments (or rather, my interpretation of them) as a confirmation that addiction/alcoholism is still viewed by many as a personal flaw and downfall of mine and that this is something I shall have to bare (or continue to hide) as I see appropriate to fit into society. My situation is of my own doing and therefore I need to assume responsibility for it. I'm good with that.

This is the major theme of my previous posts on this thread (there are other themes but not really worth my time to get further into). And the point I should take away from this, and thanks for pointing out, is that there are many views about such a complicated topic and people will bring their own experiences and life lessons to all aspects of their interpersonal relations. And I should move forward with my journey cognizant of this and be prepared to respond appropriately to others.

Live and let live . . . as they say.

Freedom1990

Stuart, I think when people first come to this forum, they are quickly educated on alcoholism.

I don't recall seeing any posts where it was viewed as a "personal flaw."

Your interpretation may have been as such.

We need to remember what it's like to be new, hurting, and confused, yes?

Seren

Good afternoon all!

I'm posting to remind you that if you have something you would like to discuss with another member that is not directly related to the original poster's topic, please keep those discussions to Private Messages.

Thank you! hydrogirl

Terminally Unique

Speaking from the "other side" here, if an alcoholic/addict tells you that they will "get help," I recommend telling them "that's good, but getting help is not a substitute for quitting."

GettingBy

The identification of alcoholism as a brain disorder really speaks loudly to me. You see, my father is an alcoholic. He was a raging wet one up until I was about 2 yrs old. My mom gave him an ultimatum - sober up or the kids and I walk! So, he chose his family. He stopped drinking - there was no alcohol but the "isms" raged on. And to be honest, the lack of alcohol really made the whole situation that much more confusing for us as children. Something wasn't right - but I couldn't put my finger on it. The alcohol was gone but the family disease stayed on in full force (even til this day!).

My father has an obsessive personality... take the alcohol away, he replaced it with the fire department for awhile, then it was travelling for business, and extramarital affairs... now it's ebay, and twitter... all sorts of "escapes" from reality. It's been passed on to us children. I have two siblings that in my opinion are alcoholics. We are all obsessive control freaks... and anger/tempers!?!? HELL YEAH!! Our yelling is a force to be reckoned with!

You can stop the drinking/drugging - but the underlying issue (brain disorder) needs to be resolved for any hope of a healthy life. It comes down to learning how to live life on life's terms.

Thanks to the OP... this really helps me understand my FOO.
-Shannon

Chino

That's me in a nutshell and I truly have a nice reality that I'm very grateful for. But it never seems like it's enough for me. I've started delving deeply into this with my therapist who is an addiction specialist (I found him to learn about my daughter), and he told me last week it's because I have a faulty 'regulator'. There is no cure/drug for me, so I have to work extra hard at making sure I spread my addictive nature around with healthy and socially acceptable activities.