PositiveDubb1

Hi everyone, I'm Tara.

I'm newly married to a wonderful man who is addicted to opiates. I met him shortly after he detoxed, four years ago. He seemed full of life and continued a sober lifestyle that all of his family and friends were so proud of.
We were married in 2011, and celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past June.

About two months ago, I had learned my spouse had been lying to me about his drug use. I found $600 missing from our bank account. After asking my husband what happened, and after hours of lies, my husband finally came clean and was quick to assure me it was just one relapse. We've been struggling for the past two months, barely any trust, and constant broken promises to get help.

Today i noticed another $200 missing. I confronted him, and he claimed he had used again. (Pills) The reason was because of our latest arguments and re-appearing conversations surrounding divorce.

I wonder if any of you have had a similar experience. As a newly wed, and quite young, I find it difficult to keep hopeful.

I appreciate any advice.

wister

SR is full of support and wisdom. Trust is a huge issue for me as well. AH is very sneaking with his consumption. I heard in a meeting the other day that we have to trust God and love people. I am trying to love my AH every day even when he is active the disease as he is today. I am showing him compassion, but refusing to be in denial or be a doormat any longer. After almost 7 years of marriage I have asked him to leave if he will not stay sober.

I am pleased that at least he isn't lying to me about trying to stay sober. He did leave.

It was only through the tools that I have learned in Al-anon these past 3 months that I was able to do this. I have placed my AH in God's hands, and pray that my AH will open his heart to all God can provide.

PositiveDubb1

Thank you-- it's very helpful to have found a source of support. I find this struggle has been a rather private one. Out of view from family and friends for some reason.

StarCat

We're as sick as our secrets.
Reaching out to those who understand, breaking the stranglehold those secrets have on our hearts and our lives, is a major step towards recovery.
I'm glad you found us, although sorry about the reasons.


Trying to deal with an addict is different than anything I have ever experienced before. All the normal rules of relationships go out the window. There came a time when I had no idea what was truth and what was the lie - and I'm still uncovering lies that I had believed to be Gospel Truth.

Unfortunately, his "It's just one relapse" seems to fall in the lie category. And this won't be the last lie he tells, either.

I'd suggest attending Al-Anon, or Nar-Anon if there's one available in your area. This forum helps me so much, but there's no substitute for the face-to-face contact in a real meeting. Al-Anon has helped me so much! It was scary going to that first meeting, and afterwards I couldn't wait to go back. (Although in my case it took several months, since mine was an abusive and controlling alcoholic who decided that I didn't need Al-Anon anymore and so I wasn't "permitted" to attend.)

Welcome. I'm glad you found us. You're not alone any more.