My Dad is driving me crazy!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 335
My Dad is driving me crazy!
First of all I'm 30 and live at home. I thought this would be a great place to write this as friends and family of alcoholics as I am one and need a perspective from the otherside of things. I have had major mental health problems and also an alcoholic since I was 18 hence why I am still living at home.
I am almost 4 months sober from alcohol everything is going great even with my parents 90% of the time. Every 3 months or so they press my buttons because they don't agree with decisions about my life be it work or money. I don't owe my parents money but they like to dictate to me what a normal life is and what I should be doing with my life. They talk about things down the track a few years away and I think of today and staying sober today as that is all I can do.
I get the whole guilt trip about putting them through hell these last 13 years. I should or shouldn't be doing this. Then when I get angry because I tell them this is my life and I'll spend money where and when I want and I'm 30 they say they don't want to talk anymore and they can't keep doing this to me. I asked my Mum do you live with guilt everyday? She said no and when I said I do I get no response. They are always flipping words things I say against me. That I'm to impulsive and that I've been sick and can't do what I want with my life. I'm cool with who and what i am but they don't seem to get it probably never will.
I am an alcoholic sober 4 months at the 23rd of August. I'm going well and when this arguement arose tonight I couldn't believe it I told my Dad that if he tries to tell me what to do with my life we were going to have arguements and problems i told him this at an arguement at about 2 weeks sober but did he listen of course not. I was saying that if I had been drinking they would be blaming it on that but they think I must owe them something for me being ill all these years and when I tell them that they say I didn't say that and this goes on and on. I get threatened with them having heartattacks and it would be my fault and where would I be then.
This sought of stuff blows over but I do get sick and tired of putting up with this **** every 3 months of my life. Everything is cool for 3 months and all of a sudden something happens and we're argueing about small things. I can't believe this is still happening while sober it shows to me that I'm not wrong all the time. Sorry for the long post but this pisses me off.
I am almost 4 months sober from alcohol everything is going great even with my parents 90% of the time. Every 3 months or so they press my buttons because they don't agree with decisions about my life be it work or money. I don't owe my parents money but they like to dictate to me what a normal life is and what I should be doing with my life. They talk about things down the track a few years away and I think of today and staying sober today as that is all I can do.
I get the whole guilt trip about putting them through hell these last 13 years. I should or shouldn't be doing this. Then when I get angry because I tell them this is my life and I'll spend money where and when I want and I'm 30 they say they don't want to talk anymore and they can't keep doing this to me. I asked my Mum do you live with guilt everyday? She said no and when I said I do I get no response. They are always flipping words things I say against me. That I'm to impulsive and that I've been sick and can't do what I want with my life. I'm cool with who and what i am but they don't seem to get it probably never will.
I am an alcoholic sober 4 months at the 23rd of August. I'm going well and when this arguement arose tonight I couldn't believe it I told my Dad that if he tries to tell me what to do with my life we were going to have arguements and problems i told him this at an arguement at about 2 weeks sober but did he listen of course not. I was saying that if I had been drinking they would be blaming it on that but they think I must owe them something for me being ill all these years and when I tell them that they say I didn't say that and this goes on and on. I get threatened with them having heartattacks and it would be my fault and where would I be then.
This sought of stuff blows over but I do get sick and tired of putting up with this **** every 3 months of my life. Everything is cool for 3 months and all of a sudden something happens and we're argueing about small things. I can't believe this is still happening while sober it shows to me that I'm not wrong all the time. Sorry for the long post but this pisses me off.
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Hi Checkmate,
First off thank you for posting this on F&F. It really gave me some perspective on what it is like for a RA. Congratulations on 3 months (almost 4)!!! That is fantastic.
I have a feeling your parents are worried and being a parent myself it is very hard sometimes to keep my mouth closed when I feel like I need to "help" my kids. Good parents are to give their kids advise and steer them in the right direction, at least that is what it seems like we should do. It also appears that they don't really understand enough about alcoholism. Do they go to Al-anon? I would highly recommend they give it a try. Maybe even a few appointments with an therapist who understands addiction might help. They maybe hurt, angry, scared etc and need to work it out to be able to move past it.
In the end the only person you can control is you. Keep focusing on your recovery and hopefully with time your family will heal too.
First off thank you for posting this on F&F. It really gave me some perspective on what it is like for a RA. Congratulations on 3 months (almost 4)!!! That is fantastic.
I have a feeling your parents are worried and being a parent myself it is very hard sometimes to keep my mouth closed when I feel like I need to "help" my kids. Good parents are to give their kids advise and steer them in the right direction, at least that is what it seems like we should do. It also appears that they don't really understand enough about alcoholism. Do they go to Al-anon? I would highly recommend they give it a try. Maybe even a few appointments with an therapist who understands addiction might help. They maybe hurt, angry, scared etc and need to work it out to be able to move past it.
In the end the only person you can control is you. Keep focusing on your recovery and hopefully with time your family will heal too.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
check mate I have interacted with family and "friends" who still want me to be the old me and don't get how much I have changed. They seem to want me to go back to who I was.
The way I have coped with this is getting some distance from my family, or finding things to do outside (walking round the block..) or reading books about different topics or joining online courses... also individual therapy has helped me let go...
Well, in short, investing on my own hobbies/interests and giving myself more "me" time, alone.
There is a visualization where you are in a ballon and see different weights... you name them and drop them so you can fly higher... (it goes deeper than that but this is the general idea) I just "dropped" my mom and her baggage and her prejudices on Saturday. Feels good.
A group therapy exercise we did was to write down labels (good or bad, from others and from yourself) and burn them/trash them. Incredibly liberating exercise....
The way I have coped with this is getting some distance from my family, or finding things to do outside (walking round the block..) or reading books about different topics or joining online courses... also individual therapy has helped me let go...
Well, in short, investing on my own hobbies/interests and giving myself more "me" time, alone.
There is a visualization where you are in a ballon and see different weights... you name them and drop them so you can fly higher... (it goes deeper than that but this is the general idea) I just "dropped" my mom and her baggage and her prejudices on Saturday. Feels good.
A group therapy exercise we did was to write down labels (good or bad, from others and from yourself) and burn them/trash them. Incredibly liberating exercise....
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