The hill is getting steeper
 

Hi all.
It has been awhile since my last post. It seems like the hill of life is getting steeper. over the past 3-4 years my AW has gone from 1-2 glasses to now 1 1/2 - 2 bottles a night. Night before last was a real doosey. Two bottles, her telling how bad her life is and I am the cause of it, saying she cant take it any more ,blah blah blah. The next morning she cant remember a thing. So I start sharing what the night was like. She is very sorry for her actions and says that she needs to slow down. I am the eternal optimist and am kinda waiting to see what happens. Last night was only 1/2 a glass cause thats all that was left in the house. Sad part is when she is sober we get along great. Its just the sober times are becoming less frequent. I really appreciate all the help you all have been. Coming to this sight helps keep life in perspective.


Grizz

Hi Grizz,

As long as the perspective you're coming to isn't "my AW isn't as bad as SOME"... because you know she will be, if nothing changes. Alcoholism is an elevator that goes down to hell, and only you can decide what floor you want to get off on.

Half the time I didn't know if my AXH really didn't remember calling me and the kids names in his drunkenness, or if he was so ashamed of his behavior he just didn't want to admit he remembered.

A year after divorcing my AXH, I'm still fighting to regain the eternal optimism I had when I married him. Don't let her drinking take that out of you, but don't be so optimistic you're stupid. This disease eats good people, drinkers and families alike, and spits out wrecks.

Curious - in those moments of lucidity and probably humiliation when hearing of her night-before antics, have you ever suggested this has become a problem bigger than the two of you can solve alone?

I took my opportunity during a very contrite morning after a binge and my teenager waking him up passed out curled around the toilet - in their bathroom no less. It was the most frank I had ever been. I told him this is enough, I won't live this way any longer - heck no one would - and he could either get his crap together and face the truth or our relationship is over. I remember grabbing his face and looking him square in the eyes and saying "it is time to acknowledge that you no longer have control over your substance use".

It did get him in the rooms of AA. But I left anyway about 2 months later because boy howdy was he mad at me! He even told the group for the first month he was only there because his wife made him go. Today, he's 9 months sober, we live separately but continue to see each other and so far, seem to be getting along, and I am a year into my Al-Anon program and feeling pretty darn good.

Thanks for the replies. To be honest, at this point I am not sure if she can quit on her own. Right now I am working on a bit of detachment. I do see that the progression is moving foward, but to be honest, other than when there are raving episodes (which are few), I am a bit indifferent. At first I tried to fix the problem with all the traditional methods that dont work. When I realized there was nothing I could do, I started moving on. The kids are all over 18 now. They understand the situation and pretty much roll their eyes and say what ever. But a person does become like a frog in a pan of water and the heat slowly gets turned up.

Grizz

Yup to the frog metaphor. But you still get burned when the water gets hot enough. :(

So Grizz, what are you going to do? Nothing changes if nothing changes. And it will keep getting worse.

Your friend,