Just4me

I've been having a rough couple of days and I feel like I am barely holding it together. Work is super busy and stressful. I work in a NICU (baby ICU) and we have lots of premature and sick babies. I love my job and what I do, but my head hasn't been in it 100%.

I'm in the process of leaving my alcoholic fiance. On my "days off" I'm packing boxes, going through all of our stuff, and trying to move over everything I can to my new apartment. I should have everything out by this friday (Aug 12th), at least the stuff I care about anyways.

I've explained to my fiance that I don't want to break up (at least not yet) but that his drinking is affecting me in a negative way and I need space. If he wants to work on staying sober I'm wanting to try to maintain a relationship. If he continues to drink then at least I will be all moved out and I will most likely end the relationship and move on.

To top it all off he has been flirting with some girl from the store, been texting sexual and inappropriate texts back and forth. She is a recovering alcoholic with 3 kids. A perfect match I'm sure. When I asked him about it he told me he "couldn't be alone" and "you leaving crushed me". Blah, blah, blah....sure run to the first open arms you see and don't worry about how EVERYTHING is effecting me.

Anyways, so nothing seems to be going right except for one thing. My friends have been super supportive of me. When I break down at work and start crying I'm surrounded by love and hugs. My girls are the best.

Yesterday was the hardest, as I only got 3 hours of sleep the night before and spent 3:30am-5:30am arguing/crying with my A about the texts, the drinking, the girl. Then I worked from 6:30-midnight. My day was long and busy, my patients very sick and small. One of my coworkers and friends, the kindest, most supportive person you could meet, sent me a link to this song. I watched it and was crying by the end. She told me this song reminded her of me, that I deserve better, and that she loves me. I thought I'd take a minute and share it with the rest of you.

For all of you out there who are feeling like me, a little lost, a little hopeless, have faith. I think I'm going to make this my new theme song, singing it in my head everytime I start to feel a little down. I tried to post the lyrics, but I can't cut and paste, sorry!

‪Jewel - Stronger Woman‬‏ - YouTube

theuncertainty

Sending hugs. Love this song!

Here are the lyrics:

"Stronger Woman"

I guess you could say I'm one of those girls
That's always been with one of those guys
You know the type
Like right now, he sleeps while I write

But it's better than crying
I'm worn out from trying
From loving a man who always makes it clear
I'm not welcome here
Just when he's hungry or frisky
or needs something cleaned
And you know what I mean

But not tonight
'Cause come the morning light, oh
I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
The stronger woman in me

I'm going to be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no,
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me

Light bulbs buzz,
I get up
And head to my drawer
I wish there was more
I could say
Another fairytale fades to gray
I've lived on hope
Just like a child
Walking that mile
Faking that smile
All the while
Wishing my heart had wings

Well from now on I'm going to be
The kind of woman I'd want my daughter to be, oh

I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
A stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman

This is me, packing up my bags
And this is me, headed for the door
And this is me, the best you ever had
I'm going to love myself
More than anyone else
Believe in me even if someone cannot see
There's a stronger woman in me
I'm going to be my own best friend
Stay with me till the end
Won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman
A stronger woman
There's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman in me,
Yeah...

dollydo

I feel your pain. I know you do understand that his texting this other woman has nothing to do with you, it's all about him. He is, who he is. A person who is truely committed to another would not do what he is doing.

Hope that you can get some sleep, it sure will help you to clear your mind.

Thanks for the update.