Venting, big time!
 

So, I come home from work today (after being gone 14 hours...second day in a row, one more to go), to the TV on and no one in the living room. Odd. I search upstairs, empty. I go into the basement (A's favorite drinking place) and I'm met at the foot of the stairs by a man with glossy eyes leaning against the wall. He says hi to me and I know. I ask where the alcohol is and he dares me to find it. Fine. I go upstairs to take a shower and he heads to the kitchen to "make dinner".

I'm served a plate of pasta, noodles half cooked, some are hard, with noodles hanging off the plate, and a spoon to eat it with. Um....thanks...what am I going to do with this?? So I eat the parts that are edible, as I am starving and don't feel like cooking after working all day. A passes out on the couch without eating his portion. His phone falls out of his pocket.

Earlier this week I saw a text from someone named "C". I wasn't snooping. He accidently showed it to me. It could be a guy or girl name. However the text said, "You're too sweet". I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's probalby a girl. I ask him about the text and he says it's a guy that he's thinking of renting a room to when I move out. I'm sure he's lying. I check his phone later and he's deleted the text conversation. OKAY....

So he's drunk, passed out, and his phone is just laying on the couch. I KNOW I shouldn't, I know it's just going to hurt if it's true, but I have to check. I had a previous relationship where I found out the guy cheated on me more times than I can count....I'm a bit insecure when it comes to this. The lying that comes with the drinking makes my insecurites even worse...

Anyways, sure enough he texted this girl right before I came home from work. He's totally flirting with her and tells her how much he wants her to come over so they can snuggle. Mind you this is 15min before I got home from work....we've lived together for almost 3 years and are engaged!

So now I'm fuming because I saw that. He has a tendency to "drunk text", especially people he doesn't want to be in contact with (such as certain ex-friends or certain family members). I want so badly to confront him, but as he's drunk he will just deny it. When he's sober he'll delete it and then deny it. Worse part is, I think I know where this girl works, as we shop there often and lately he's been making lots of trips to this store. He used to go about 1 time a month, now 1-2 times a week.

I know I went searching for it, so in a way it's my fault, but it hurts so bad. Even when he's been drunk I've remained faithful. I've had a few people ask me if I was single, but no, I didn't give out my number or flirt with them. I remained faithful.

Ughh!! I could just go on forever. I'm so mad. Mad at him for doing this, mad at me for finding this, mad at me for believing all his crap all these years. I keep asking my HP for answers and all of this stuff keeps falling in my lap! I guess I will just have to remember all of these things when I'm living alone, start feeling lonely, and I'm tempted to call him up. DON'T!!!

No need to respond, just had to get all this out there! Thanks for reading!

I have been you. I discovered my separated AH was cheating on me with a co-worker by checking his texts when I got the gut feeling. We have a 3 year old daughter and it kills me but you have to remember he is an alcoholic and start detaching as soon as you can. You cannot reason with him. He is not logical. I am sorry you are hurting because I have and am currently there right now, especially tonight hurting. We don't deserve this and somewhere out there is someone who will know our worth, however we must know our worth first! Keep coming and venting on here, it works and will prevent you from doing any unhealthy venting. =)

Thanks sweeteewalls. I'm just going to put the phone back in his pocket, go to bed, and count down the days until I'm out. I can't say I won't keep checking the stupid phone, or make a quick stop at the local store, but I'll keep my big mouth shut for now. No need to cause more drama. At this point I just want to be free and clear!

And you're right, we don't deserve this. I'm sorry you've been here. It really is aweful.

I have been there (my hubbies other relationship was what finally caused me to get help) on both affairs and alcohol use. It is hard for me to seperate out what is alcohol related and what is not.

That was not the point though. The point is you have warm thoughts headed your way. Al-Anon helped me to heal from both and to not feel so alone. I also read a number of great books on both topics which really helped.

1. Stop taking the blame.

2. Move out!

3. Get to know yourself.....if you enjoy your own company your not alone.