Sally

Hi there friends....I have to spill tonight.
I have alot on my mind lately and tonight, I am finaly filled with anxiety. They say sometimes after the crises you react. Well, its been a snow ball here.....
First off My A who has been sober for 2 years this August is still doing great. Although within the last 4 weeks I have had to rush him to emergency twice. At first they thought he had kidney stones.....and sent him home, then two weeks later I rush him back agian with abdominal pains again. Long story short, He was diagnosed with an inflamed pancreas. They don't know what is causing this. He was very ill, but refused to stay in the hospital, and signed himself out. They arranged for more tests and he had them done yesterday. There worried it may be cancer. They did biopsys, and scopes. Now we have to wait for 2-3 weeks until the Dr. comes back off holidays to find out the results.
So, I know there is no point in freaking out, we will deal with the outcome when we know it. But this hole thing has been a huge shock to me and to him and it has scared the bleepers out of both of us.
My holdays were this past week, and although we had this loaming over our heads and had to return home early to have the tests done on Friday. We had a wonderful time.
We had an opportunity to visit out oldest son, whom we don't get to see very often due to the distance. It was great to see him, we really miss him, and hate him being so far away. Thats all fine, but then we discovered that he is going through a rough time right now too. He recently ended his long term relationship with his girlfriend. And he moved out of there apartment and is staying with his boss until he finds another place....so that has me worried, hate to see him in pain. He seems fine and assures me he's happy and feels like he's done the right thing, so fine....thats on my mind aswel..
Then, now, my middle son....who just turned 18 and moved out and hasnt spoken to his dad since march.....has decided that he wants to move back home.......This has me worried on many levels......
His dad and him really don't get along, and Im affraid that won't be any different.
Yet all I can do is let him come home.....and hope for the best...
So my mind is full......and im back to work on monday....please let sunday last.
Thank you for listening, sorry about the novel......

MeredithD1

(listening)

I know it's tough when things pile up like that, Sally. Take care of yourself. You're in my prayers.

wywriter

(((hugs))) things do seem to all pile up at once, don't they? I guess, if nothing else, it's a reminder that life is fleeting, so enjoy the time you have with those you love while you have it, whether it's 5 months or 50 years. I hope your doctor is wrong, but either way -- you have today to love him and enjoy his company, and that's all you ever know for sure. It can be so hard to let go of the anxiety and fear, but it is worth trying.

DesertEyes

Hello Sally, and feel free to talk and vent all you want

You have a huge amount of stress in your life right now, not the least of which is dealing with your A having two years of clean time. Adjusting to that is stressful in itself, and then you add everything else. I'm glad you guys had a bit of vacation, I hope it helped.

As far as the medical issue, I have a few of my own. A couple weeks ago four of my docs called each other on the phone and scheduled apointments for me all on the same day, one after the other. Then they called me and told me to show up, no other choice given. The time between being told I _could_ have something terribly wrong and actually finding out can be a nightmare.

It's times like that where the principles of recovery are most helpful to me. I found my mind wandering off into the worst imaginary catastrophe, so I forced myself to say a prayer. Over and over and over..... The principle is that I can only hold one thought in my head at a time, so if I focus on a prayer I keep myself from spiraling into panic.

I called everybody I knew, and then everybody on the phone lists I have from my meets and asked them how _they_ are doing. That helped distract me and keep my mind away from that spiral. I went to as many meetings as I could, just so I wouldn't sit around the house with that frightened mind.

After doing that for a bit I was able to "center" myself and actually "let go" of the fear and turn it over to my HP. It's easy to say the words "let go", but sometimes I find it very hard to _really_ "let go". I was able to focus on the issues that _are_ my responsibility, and stop obsessing over those that are _not_. Such as what the doctors were going to tell me. That's _their_ problem, not mine.

When I finally went to see them I got bad news, but nowhere near as bad as I had imagined. I was in a very "centered" frame of mind when I sat with them, so i didn't freak out or anything. In fact, it was more like, "ok, that doesn't sound too bad, what do you want me do about it?" I actually had to convince one of the docs that I understood the issues, he said he'd never seen anybody be so calm about it. * lol *

Whatever program of recovery you guys have, now is the time to put it to use. That's what recovery is all about, to help us get thru the nightmares the life sometimes throws at us.

Oh yeah, and keep posting here. There's a whole lot of people here who understand _exactly_ what you are talking about cuz we're going thru it too.

Mike