wellnowwhat

Hi. Lately I've found the Alanon meetings a little less satisfying. It seems the sharings have gone from being heartfelt and showing real examples of personal struggle and growth to platitudes; saying what they think they should be saying. I sometimes feel I could have just stayed home and read a book.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions on how to get things back on track?

I have tried other groups, but I just liked this format and these people, until recently. At first I thought it was me, but another person from the group recently shared that they had found the same experience without any prompting from me.

Thanks!

Freedom1990

It's not uncommon for groups to go through painful growth periods, for lack of a better description. I know for me, I try to discuss what is pertinent to recovery, and what I might be struggling with. Sometimes that alone will get the meetings back on track.

My suggestion would be to not write the group off yet, and contribute what you can, dear!

lillamy

My group changes membership every time; there are regulars but lots, I mean probably a total of 50, people that come and go and you don't see for a year and then they come back again...

I've found that when the group all of a sudden starts reverting to superficialities, it's sometimes because there are some things going on that I'm not aware of. One time, it came out in the open when one member openly confronted another with the fact that the second member had broken confidentiality (long story), another time, one member told me in private that when a particular member was in the room, she didn't feel comfortable sharing anything really private because the other member had several times called her up afterwards and ridiculed her for something she said.

I don't know if anything of that nature might be going on? I'm not trying to make you paranoid, but of course, there will be exceptionally weird and disturbed people in Al-Anon just like everywhere else...

The other thing I've found is that my group tends to... ebb and flow. And there are meetings when everybody is sort of... stuck... in wherever they are. When they go through the motions of being at the meeting because they know intellectually that it's good and they need to be somewhere with people who get it, but they don't really want to or have the ability to forge ahead in their recovery at that particular moment, if that makes sense?

I wouldn't write them off either. Take a break and read something good for a couple of weeks and try again, maybe?

wellnowwhat

Since I sometimes chair when it is a topic meeting (vs. a step or tradition meeting). I was wondering if someone knew of a really good topic/question to kick off some real and heartfelt reflections? Maybe something covered at really good meeting that stuck with you for a couple of days afterwards?

Freedom1990

Gratitude and acceptance are two topics I've chaired on before. Fear is another good one, heck who doesn't have fear from time to time. I've been to some really emotional meetings where the topic was fear.

StarCat

For the two meetings where I was speaker, I talked about "The Power of Attitude" (how we can turn a bad situation into a good day by how we react) and "Sharing Our Story" (how much it helps us and others to share out loud in the meeting, and the whole "we're only as sick as our secrets" thing).
I used readings from the book How Al-Anon Works as the inspiration for both of them, and read that section aloud in the meeting before sharing my take on it.

I think meetings work best when you talk about something that really speaks to you. Pull out one of the Al-Anon books or daily readers, and keep going until you find something you identify with and really want to talk about. Then talk about that.

GettingBy

We had a topic meeting today and the two we picked are "What does working YOUR program look like for you?" and "Detaching... with love?!?!" I was so inspired by how each one of us lived the program - what books we read, what sayings/slogans we used to keep the wheels rolling in the right direction!!

I am always amazed and appreciative at how my home group functions. It's never the same person that has an awe inspiring share... and it's not necessarily an old timer that really "shines"!! We just never know how our story/share is going to resonate in the group... but as long as we speak from our hearts - good things happen

TakingCharge999

I plan to try CODA meetings (for codependents).

I never went to Alanon but attended AA meetings with respect, I learned a lot from "the other side". The input I got from recovered alcoholics was priceless. I arrived crying and looking like a zombie and I did not want to talk to anyone but they saw me suffering and approached me with genuine interest so I told them why I was there. (These one on one chats took place before the meeting started, then after it ended).

They made me laugh. And validated my feelings. And applauded me for taking care of myself first. And told me the XABF's behavior looked like a problem that started years ago. And, overall, made me feel like a brave person who had missed the train to Destination Hell, and gave me hope.

Of course the meeting itself/the speakers helped me. They were a lifeline, only then did I *start* to "understand" the why's behind XABFs thoughts, words and actions.



Group therapies/constellations etc. are also great.

I hope you find the support you are looking for.

LifeRecovery

I don't have any advice on the topic, but just wanted to say you are not alone.

I am really getting myself confused with different types of recovery right now (counseling, Al-Anon etc) that I have had to put on hold doing some of the daily Al-Anon readings that this time last year I clung to. The readings are not the problem it is my struggle working through what I see as conflicting data that gets me into trouble. I was finding meetings challenging at the same time for awhile (those are better now).

As my second summer in I find attendance is much less consistent attendence for some than other times of year too. For me being in a small group that can matter because we just don't have all that many people with a lot of experience in the groups sometimes. I don't mean that you can't have successful groups with mainly new people but I have struggled in some of these groups as the experienced person in them (and I have only been coming about 16 mths). I had this one other time, took a little bit of time off and came back refreshed for deeper work. I am hoping for the same with this experience.