Mixed emotions
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7
Mixed emotions
The date was July 6th, 2011...my 35th birthday. Rather than spending the day celebrating being alive, I was broken hearted, filled with anxiety, and wondering where my two children and I were going to live. You see, I love an alcoholic, and that was the day where everything came to an ugly head. We met in October 2010 at the wedding of a mutual friend. We instantly felt a soul mate connection and fell in love. We began seeing each other weekends, as I lived two states away from him at the time. On these weekends, I would sometimes drink to get drunk with him. I am a single mother of two children, and had not let my hair down in what felt like centuries so I thought I would have some booze and have a little fun. This would not happen every time we were together, and we did other things too, got to know each other and had great talks and a lot of fun together. We talked and texted during out time apart, and although I knew he was out with friends once in a while and having a few, I had no idea the extent of his drinking....until I moved in February 18, 2011.
He had told me that the friends and fun lifestyle he had were not going to get him anywhere, that he wanted us to be a family, get married, and even have a child of our own to add one day. I of course was on board with this, as he was and is in his core everything I want in a partner. For six weeks, everything was beautiful. Best friends, lovers, working together equally (even though he has not been successful as an attorney for ten years, something that I overlooked and bought his pathetic excuse for) shared expenses, helped each other, he was good to my kids, I formed a bond with his mother, etc. He still went out to his club meeting he had, but he would come home early and say no to his friends when they wanted him to stay on and drink with them. All of his friends are heavy drinkers, and he would come home and tell me that one friend in particular was telling him I am trying to control him just because he actually had the nerve to tell said friend he wanted to go home instead of staying on to drink with him. The pressure from said friend started to grow, and my AB started to see me as someone who was in the way of his friends who pretty much disrespected me from the moment I met them.
They would come to the house late at night looking for my AB...sometimes they would drink together out on the porch. I told him that I knew damn well it wasn't the fault of his friends for their behavior but HIS for letting them know that it was okay to disrespect me and my kids and the fact that the house was no longer a bachelor pad but our family home. So there were arguments and he started going out with the friends more and more. When he wasn't out with the friends he would drink at home. Once every few days at first, but serious drinking when it happened. An entire bottle of wine or scotch, or 110 proof Peppermint Schnapps...the ENTIRE BOTTLE. I was shocked the first few times it happened. He stopped helping pay for food or anything else. He expected me to take care of all the bills, he let me cash in empties for food money and then would come home with a bottle for himself. He would smoke my cigarettes, devour every piece of food in the fridge in a drunken haze, not brush his teeth, pass gas in front of me...who the hell WAS this STRANGER TO ME? The drinking escalated. He would come home with it on his breath when he had been "at the office" which really meant he was hanging around his friends restaurant all day waiting for his other friends to get out of work so they could start drinking, and then he would come home with a bottle of something and finish himself off----literally drinking till he was about to fall down, at which point I would go into the bathroom and cry and have a panic attacks over what to do.
He wet the bed with me in it one night. I was completely freaked out by this. I had not been wet on since my cousin and I shared a bed when I was little. Did this really happen? My back was wet...my legs soaked...he denied that it was him and blamed me. ME! This would happen 7 more times before I moved how, however, I would not be in the bed next to him when it did. Even without Al-anon I created the boundary that I would not sleep next to him if he drank that night. Really all he wanted was me to lay there next to him so he could cuddle up and go to sleep. Our sex life was in the toilet. We were only living together three months and not having sex? Are you kidding me? There were times he would be carrying the urine soaked sheets to the washer int he morning and when I asked him sarcastically if he had an accident he would say no. DENIAL.
I knew he was in trouble. I started researching alcoholism. I tried to reach out to his mother. I told her what was going on, but she is an enabler. His father died two years ago and he is their only child. He has been able to stay pretty much unemployed for the past ten years because he lives in a property she owns, rent free...she did however expect for ME to pay her rent...alone...with no help from him. She said she is willing to help her son, because he is her son but would not pay for three extra people to live in the house. This perplexed me. How did her mortgage change because I moved in? I realized she was blind to his ********, an enabler, and I had to get help elsewhere....which brought me to Al-anon.
Now I know that a lot of people here swear by Al-anon, and I do take MOST of what is given at meetings and in their literature and use it in my everyday life. It is a process, and I am so grateful for the steps and the fellowship. Without this support system in place I would probably fall apart. The one thing I do not like is that they automatically assumed that I was likely a control freak, had deep seeded issues that got me where I am with the Alcoholic and needed to read Codependent no more. I read it, and it did not apply to me. My happiness has never revolved around pleasing others or on what others thought of me, or whether or not someone loved me or appreciated me, because that is a recipe for misery. I came there to learn how to help the alcoholic in my life, and when I was told that I would need to focus on myself and take the detach with love approach if I wanted to live under the same roof with the alcoholic, I decided that I was probably not cut out for that sort of thing. I want someone who is going to add to my life, not take away from it. And, I do not want to sit there everyday and watch someone destroy himself, least of all someone who means the world to me. I do not think it is realistic to expect people to not let it effect them when someone else is slowly killing themselves. To me, THAT is not normal.
So, having talked to some wonderful people at every meeting I could go to every chance I got, I was armed with boundaries, detachment with love, and tools that would help me not create a crisis. No more sarcasm, etc...that was what I was most guilty of..engaging in an argument when he was drunk. NOT smart, as most of you know. This made him even more upset and he began to drink even more. And then, he started not coming home at night and staying over that wonderful friends house to "teach me a lesson". He didn't like seeing me peaceful, he sure as hell didn't like to see me going to al-anon meetings, and the fact that I was having a life outside the house seemingly carefree drove him crazy! I've never had a man stay out on me in my life and I think that's what broke me. So, on the evening of July 3rd after he had been out all night on me, his buddies came over to drink on the porch with him. I packed a bag and the two kids and went to my parents for two days, to let him know he had crossed a boundary. He didn't chase, as they never do.
I went back on the evening of July 5th without the kids, to give us a chance to talk it out while he was hopefully sober. I should of known better. He wasn't home when I got there but came in shortly after armed with three bottles of wine. He cracked one open, poured a tall one (glug glug glug) and proceeded to tell me its time I move out. This is at 10pm mind you. And, I made a mistake...I sat there and talked with him while he was drinking. He said the most horrific stuff to me all aimed with one goal in mind: To get me out of the house for good. He polished off one bottle and then halfway through the second he called his drinking friends and told them that they needed to be over in the morning to convince me to leave. This humiliated and wrecked me...a person can only take so much. My suspicions that he was the reason his friends hated and didn't respect me was confirmed. I started going through the house grabbing at things aimlessly and stuffing them into trash bags...it was so sad and so pathetic. I was crying and sobbing and having an anxiety attack. Where was I going to live? I knew I had to be out of there by 6am because thats when his friends would arrive. I was panicked. I asked a friend to meet me at the gas station on the corner at 6am and told her what was happening.
Insanely, in the midst of all of this, he was trying to hug me and kiss me and tell me how much he loves me and is going to miss me! Can you imagine? And then he would follow it up with hateful words meant to completely destroy me. He finished bottle number three and made sure I was leaving. He told me I don't belong there and he needs to be left alone to die. I left that day and went to my parents house, broken. Luckily they took me in. I have continued Al-anon and will continue with Al-anon.
I have only seen him once since then and tried to talk but he started up with defending his friends. And then of course, he calls and says he loves and misses me but its only every other day or every few days...and I'm sure its when the booze and buddies are in bed. The man I fell in love with is gone, if he ever was there to begin with. I did tell him many times that his drinking is out of control....at times he confirmed and other times he denied it. He doesn't have any desire to do anything about it yet, and I can't do anything to change that. This was the hardest part for me to comprehend. He's beautiful and has potential, but instead he's dying. Sadly, I was the only person in his world that could see it.
My stuff is still at the house...he has not asked me to get it, I have not attempted to get it. He knows once I get it that's it. I am so much more peaceful having not been around that, that I don't want to go and set myself back a month as far as my serenity is concerned. I'm afraid I will see his beautiful self sober and fall into bed with him and really do a number on myself. I am just not strong enough to go back there yet. Its another town away so I need my kids school records to start fresh where I am and I need them soon. I have no idea how to go about doing this. I am bringing my cousin, but I am afraid there will be friends of his there when I go and I just don't want anymore hurt to come of this...I am healing slow enough as it is. And I can't believe he's killing himself. It is in incomprehensible to me, but I can NOT watch it happen. God give me the strength not to go back to it....please Lord.
Anyway, if you have read through this long story I appreciate it. Part of me wants to maintain some form of friendship or relationship with him (FROM A DISTANCE) in case he ever does decide to get sober, I can walk him into his first meeting...but another part of me doesn't want to have anything to do with him because its too painful. What to do?
He had told me that the friends and fun lifestyle he had were not going to get him anywhere, that he wanted us to be a family, get married, and even have a child of our own to add one day. I of course was on board with this, as he was and is in his core everything I want in a partner. For six weeks, everything was beautiful. Best friends, lovers, working together equally (even though he has not been successful as an attorney for ten years, something that I overlooked and bought his pathetic excuse for) shared expenses, helped each other, he was good to my kids, I formed a bond with his mother, etc. He still went out to his club meeting he had, but he would come home early and say no to his friends when they wanted him to stay on and drink with them. All of his friends are heavy drinkers, and he would come home and tell me that one friend in particular was telling him I am trying to control him just because he actually had the nerve to tell said friend he wanted to go home instead of staying on to drink with him. The pressure from said friend started to grow, and my AB started to see me as someone who was in the way of his friends who pretty much disrespected me from the moment I met them.
They would come to the house late at night looking for my AB...sometimes they would drink together out on the porch. I told him that I knew damn well it wasn't the fault of his friends for their behavior but HIS for letting them know that it was okay to disrespect me and my kids and the fact that the house was no longer a bachelor pad but our family home. So there were arguments and he started going out with the friends more and more. When he wasn't out with the friends he would drink at home. Once every few days at first, but serious drinking when it happened. An entire bottle of wine or scotch, or 110 proof Peppermint Schnapps...the ENTIRE BOTTLE. I was shocked the first few times it happened. He stopped helping pay for food or anything else. He expected me to take care of all the bills, he let me cash in empties for food money and then would come home with a bottle for himself. He would smoke my cigarettes, devour every piece of food in the fridge in a drunken haze, not brush his teeth, pass gas in front of me...who the hell WAS this STRANGER TO ME? The drinking escalated. He would come home with it on his breath when he had been "at the office" which really meant he was hanging around his friends restaurant all day waiting for his other friends to get out of work so they could start drinking, and then he would come home with a bottle of something and finish himself off----literally drinking till he was about to fall down, at which point I would go into the bathroom and cry and have a panic attacks over what to do.
He wet the bed with me in it one night. I was completely freaked out by this. I had not been wet on since my cousin and I shared a bed when I was little. Did this really happen? My back was wet...my legs soaked...he denied that it was him and blamed me. ME! This would happen 7 more times before I moved how, however, I would not be in the bed next to him when it did. Even without Al-anon I created the boundary that I would not sleep next to him if he drank that night. Really all he wanted was me to lay there next to him so he could cuddle up and go to sleep. Our sex life was in the toilet. We were only living together three months and not having sex? Are you kidding me? There were times he would be carrying the urine soaked sheets to the washer int he morning and when I asked him sarcastically if he had an accident he would say no. DENIAL.
I knew he was in trouble. I started researching alcoholism. I tried to reach out to his mother. I told her what was going on, but she is an enabler. His father died two years ago and he is their only child. He has been able to stay pretty much unemployed for the past ten years because he lives in a property she owns, rent free...she did however expect for ME to pay her rent...alone...with no help from him. She said she is willing to help her son, because he is her son but would not pay for three extra people to live in the house. This perplexed me. How did her mortgage change because I moved in? I realized she was blind to his ********, an enabler, and I had to get help elsewhere....which brought me to Al-anon.
Now I know that a lot of people here swear by Al-anon, and I do take MOST of what is given at meetings and in their literature and use it in my everyday life. It is a process, and I am so grateful for the steps and the fellowship. Without this support system in place I would probably fall apart. The one thing I do not like is that they automatically assumed that I was likely a control freak, had deep seeded issues that got me where I am with the Alcoholic and needed to read Codependent no more. I read it, and it did not apply to me. My happiness has never revolved around pleasing others or on what others thought of me, or whether or not someone loved me or appreciated me, because that is a recipe for misery. I came there to learn how to help the alcoholic in my life, and when I was told that I would need to focus on myself and take the detach with love approach if I wanted to live under the same roof with the alcoholic, I decided that I was probably not cut out for that sort of thing. I want someone who is going to add to my life, not take away from it. And, I do not want to sit there everyday and watch someone destroy himself, least of all someone who means the world to me. I do not think it is realistic to expect people to not let it effect them when someone else is slowly killing themselves. To me, THAT is not normal.
So, having talked to some wonderful people at every meeting I could go to every chance I got, I was armed with boundaries, detachment with love, and tools that would help me not create a crisis. No more sarcasm, etc...that was what I was most guilty of..engaging in an argument when he was drunk. NOT smart, as most of you know. This made him even more upset and he began to drink even more. And then, he started not coming home at night and staying over that wonderful friends house to "teach me a lesson". He didn't like seeing me peaceful, he sure as hell didn't like to see me going to al-anon meetings, and the fact that I was having a life outside the house seemingly carefree drove him crazy! I've never had a man stay out on me in my life and I think that's what broke me. So, on the evening of July 3rd after he had been out all night on me, his buddies came over to drink on the porch with him. I packed a bag and the two kids and went to my parents for two days, to let him know he had crossed a boundary. He didn't chase, as they never do.
I went back on the evening of July 5th without the kids, to give us a chance to talk it out while he was hopefully sober. I should of known better. He wasn't home when I got there but came in shortly after armed with three bottles of wine. He cracked one open, poured a tall one (glug glug glug) and proceeded to tell me its time I move out. This is at 10pm mind you. And, I made a mistake...I sat there and talked with him while he was drinking. He said the most horrific stuff to me all aimed with one goal in mind: To get me out of the house for good. He polished off one bottle and then halfway through the second he called his drinking friends and told them that they needed to be over in the morning to convince me to leave. This humiliated and wrecked me...a person can only take so much. My suspicions that he was the reason his friends hated and didn't respect me was confirmed. I started going through the house grabbing at things aimlessly and stuffing them into trash bags...it was so sad and so pathetic. I was crying and sobbing and having an anxiety attack. Where was I going to live? I knew I had to be out of there by 6am because thats when his friends would arrive. I was panicked. I asked a friend to meet me at the gas station on the corner at 6am and told her what was happening.
Insanely, in the midst of all of this, he was trying to hug me and kiss me and tell me how much he loves me and is going to miss me! Can you imagine? And then he would follow it up with hateful words meant to completely destroy me. He finished bottle number three and made sure I was leaving. He told me I don't belong there and he needs to be left alone to die. I left that day and went to my parents house, broken. Luckily they took me in. I have continued Al-anon and will continue with Al-anon.
I have only seen him once since then and tried to talk but he started up with defending his friends. And then of course, he calls and says he loves and misses me but its only every other day or every few days...and I'm sure its when the booze and buddies are in bed. The man I fell in love with is gone, if he ever was there to begin with. I did tell him many times that his drinking is out of control....at times he confirmed and other times he denied it. He doesn't have any desire to do anything about it yet, and I can't do anything to change that. This was the hardest part for me to comprehend. He's beautiful and has potential, but instead he's dying. Sadly, I was the only person in his world that could see it.
My stuff is still at the house...he has not asked me to get it, I have not attempted to get it. He knows once I get it that's it. I am so much more peaceful having not been around that, that I don't want to go and set myself back a month as far as my serenity is concerned. I'm afraid I will see his beautiful self sober and fall into bed with him and really do a number on myself. I am just not strong enough to go back there yet. Its another town away so I need my kids school records to start fresh where I am and I need them soon. I have no idea how to go about doing this. I am bringing my cousin, but I am afraid there will be friends of his there when I go and I just don't want anymore hurt to come of this...I am healing slow enough as it is. And I can't believe he's killing himself. It is in incomprehensible to me, but I can NOT watch it happen. God give me the strength not to go back to it....please Lord.
Anyway, if you have read through this long story I appreciate it. Part of me wants to maintain some form of friendship or relationship with him (FROM A DISTANCE) in case he ever does decide to get sober, I can walk him into his first meeting...but another part of me doesn't want to have anything to do with him because its too painful. What to do?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
it's just stuff...right now you need to keep your distance until you can think more calmly and clearly. as for the kids school records, contact the school they attended and they should be able to transfer the records to the new school, or you can pick them up at the office there...I think you have to register the kids in person with a valid address.
Not working for 10 years and he is a licensed attorney???? this guy is toxic and you need to stay as far away as possible...his friends are just an excuse. He was on his best behavior with you for a while, then he showed his true colors. forget his mother, forget him....don't worry about your stuff, this guy will do a number on your head that will set you back.
I'm so sorry you went through this hell.
Not working for 10 years and he is a licensed attorney???? this guy is toxic and you need to stay as far away as possible...his friends are just an excuse. He was on his best behavior with you for a while, then he showed his true colors. forget his mother, forget him....don't worry about your stuff, this guy will do a number on your head that will set you back.
I'm so sorry you went through this hell.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
Originally Posted by firedancer76 
... in case he ever does decide to get sober...
You have a fork in the road. Wait for something possibly to change with him, or go forward in your life and live free of this influence. It's a lot harder to develop a healthy relationship with a healthy person when you always have one eye on a sick person, tethered to the past, waiting for him to possibly change...
Sadly, the statistics suggest the likelihood of him changing is very small. First, he is an alcoholic. Second, he has at least a decade loss of self-sufficiency habits, possibly (and probably) a lifetime of this. Thirdly, he has a supreme enabler. The odds are severely stacked against this fantasy of him pulling a miraculous turn-about, and even if he did, it'd be another decade to relearn self-sufficiency and maturity. Remember, addicts escape - they use substances to escape, avoid, deny reality. They learn INCREDIBLE manipulating skills to charm potential enablers, to feed their addiction so it can perpetuate.
Welcome to the forum, sorry for what brought you here, but reading around a lot will help you paint a picture of this thing called alcoholism and show you what to expect - it's surprisingly predictable, and a lion of a foe to go up against.
Good for you, for making the healthy choice for your kids.
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
Welcome....It looks like you have found the right place! I read through your entire post, but one of the last lines stood out to me......the one about you wanting to maintain a friendship (from a distance). Can I just ask why? The man you fell in love with is gone, replaced by this repulsive, mean drunk. For your own serenity and sanity, don't do it. Clean break, fresh start. It will be hard, but I imagine it will be harder for you in the long run to try to be friends. In your "fragile" state I don't think it would take much for him to convince you to go back, and then you would be right back there, miserable and covered in his pee. It's hard, but you CAN do it.
M
M
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: getting there....
Posts: 5
The man you fell in love with is gone, replaced by this repulsive, mean drunk.
I know this is very painful and has been a horrible experience, and this may sound crass, but I hope one day you will come to see this as him doing you a massive favour, even the horrible way he ended it, because it is so rude and obnoxious that you can use this to remind yourself how much more you are worth, how much more your children are worth than this treatment, if ever you start to second guess yourself or if he comes back with promises of change.
I personally don't subscribe to the "soul-mate" theory. I used to, but it always turned out to be based on a) lust (no bad thing in itself, but can cloud my judgement somewhat) b) the other telling me very insincerely what I wanted to hear/playing a role of a perfect person (difficult without time and caution to weed out) and c) something going on in my life so that the idea of a soul-mate filled a hole. In each situation I have moved to fast into a commitment and got my fingers badly burned. Real, solid, relationships that I observe around me aren't like that, they build slowly over time (it is difficult to maintain a facade for years, once you get through the "hormone/honeymoon" stage, and the reality of life starts to set in. I am much more cautious now, I want a relationship like a log fire: that has a slow steady burn to it, that builds intensity and provides warmth, rather than a gasoline-spark that burns bright and dazzles but is based on dreams and projection/potential.
Getting to al-anon is a great step, reaching out for help is a great thing to do. I have found this forum really useful. Welcome!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Oh Firedancer, I am so sorry to hear what you have been living. I am glad you and the kids moved out of the house. Fandy is correct, it's just "stuff". Do not give up your sanity, and go back to get your possessions, you can always get new stuff.
Reading your post, all I could think, classic alcoholic behavior. I so hate this disease, it ruins lives, takes prisoners, and shatters hopes and dreams.
I have come to terms with the fact that I made a poor choice. In the beginning I ignored so many of the signs. Going out to dinner with friends, looking across the table and seeing him pouring the drinks down. (just being social and having a good time)
He would lie to me about how much he had to drink. He would have a couple of drinks and be fine, and all of a sudden he would turn ugly. His sleeping and eating habits changed. If there was booze in the house, he would not go to bed until he consumed it all. Self control and common sense were thrown out the window. I chose to live like that for way too many years.
Today, living in the present, I write it off to lesson learned. Living with an active alcoholic leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Something I never want to experience again.
Come to terms with everything you have lived through. Use it as a learning tool, and move on. Try not to dwell on what could have been, because in reality no it could not have been. Alcoholism is progressive, and it only would have gotten worse. Be grateful you are out of that situation, and are free to build a meaningful and healthy life for you and your kids.
P.S. I do not find a man who is drunk on his ass attractive. Truly the biggest turn off ever. Self control, confidence, intelligence, (potty trained) now that is what you need to set your sails on..............
All the best to you.
Reading your post, all I could think, classic alcoholic behavior. I so hate this disease, it ruins lives, takes prisoners, and shatters hopes and dreams.
I have come to terms with the fact that I made a poor choice. In the beginning I ignored so many of the signs. Going out to dinner with friends, looking across the table and seeing him pouring the drinks down. (just being social and having a good time)
He would lie to me about how much he had to drink. He would have a couple of drinks and be fine, and all of a sudden he would turn ugly. His sleeping and eating habits changed. If there was booze in the house, he would not go to bed until he consumed it all. Self control and common sense were thrown out the window. I chose to live like that for way too many years.
Today, living in the present, I write it off to lesson learned. Living with an active alcoholic leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Something I never want to experience again.
Come to terms with everything you have lived through. Use it as a learning tool, and move on. Try not to dwell on what could have been, because in reality no it could not have been. Alcoholism is progressive, and it only would have gotten worse. Be grateful you are out of that situation, and are free to build a meaningful and healthy life for you and your kids.
P.S. I do not find a man who is drunk on his ass attractive. Truly the biggest turn off ever. Self control, confidence, intelligence, (potty trained) now that is what you need to set your sails on..............
All the best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7
I want to thank all who responded to my post. I really appreciate you all taking the time to read it through, give it some thought, and respond. I know in my head and in my heart that I can not be with him. I also have a belief that being friends with him would be toxic to say the least, but I also need to be able to live with myself. Seeing someone throw their life away on alcohol is very sickening and heartbreaking. Noticing that I truly am the only person who truly sees him for what he is in his world (I am the only person that doesn't either drink with him or enable him and I actually see that he's a raging alcoholic) puts me in a tough position. If I'm the only one who notices it, who else is going to reach out to this person and offer a hand to help? That's what I mean by having to be able to live with myself. In a way I want to put it out there that while I don't want his friendship or his "love" (I use that term very loosely) or any further contact with him, I will speak to him again if the day ever comes that he wants help for his alcoholism. I will hold his hand and walk him to his first meeting...I will get him him to the right place with the right people, and that is all. Do you think that would be horrible to do that?
Also, as much as I could care less about MY personal belongings (I have lived without them for a month) my kids have stuff there that they need. Their toys, car collections, clothing, a Nintendo Wii, their bikes and scooters, etc. that they can not live without, and that I can't afford to just replace. I am literally stuck now with nothing...trying to rebuild....I can't afford to replace all those things. Any suggestions on how to go about getting my things amicably?
Also, as much as I could care less about MY personal belongings (I have lived without them for a month) my kids have stuff there that they need. Their toys, car collections, clothing, a Nintendo Wii, their bikes and scooters, etc. that they can not live without, and that I can't afford to just replace. I am literally stuck now with nothing...trying to rebuild....I can't afford to replace all those things. Any suggestions on how to go about getting my things amicably?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 7
I suppose that's a possibility...what really sucks is that I left the house in such a hurry, that a lot of it isn't packed. What a mess this is! I have avoided going back there...I don't want to see him anymore. Like I said, now that I am out of the mess and have detached at least in the physical sense, I am a little better. I'm afraid seeing him will cause a set back and he doesn't "trust me" to go to the house by myself. I'm so angry at myself for allowing this to become my life in the first place. Speak of the devil, he is texting me now saying he can't sleep because I'm not there to cuddle. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 63
Maybe have a friend who can help you one day while he's "at work" or out drinking one night. Granted I lived in a smaller place at the time, but my mom helped me move out of my place that I was sharing with my boyfriend years ago. We pulled up with a truck, packed everything, loaded it up, and was gone in 4 hours. You may even be able to do it in less time if you are just going in for the more essential or expensive items that you can't replace. Just an idea.
Also, if you're afraid of him being abusive to you, you might be able to have a cop show up while you are getting stuff out, just in case he shows up.
Hopefully you work something out. You got out, which is great. Once you get your stuff back you will feel like you're able to go back to normal, for you and your kids.
Also, if you're afraid of him being abusive to you, you might be able to have a cop show up while you are getting stuff out, just in case he shows up.
Hopefully you work something out. You got out, which is great. Once you get your stuff back you will feel like you're able to go back to normal, for you and your kids.
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