What's something you've experienced in your recovery that's stuck with you?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
Too Physically & Emotinally Drained To Write Anything Tonight...
But cant wait to get up in the morning with a cup of coffee & read some more of this.
Very Positive Ways of Thinking....Very Refreshing!!
Lillamy - THANK YOU!!!
But cant wait to get up in the morning with a cup of coffee & read some more of this.
Very Positive Ways of Thinking....Very Refreshing!!
Lillamy - THANK YOU!!!
Transformy your mantra helped so many times when I saw XABF everyday... I will always be grateful.
One of the huge ones was when XABF was drinking a beer a Tuesday at 6 PM. The way he was holding the beer. As if it was his best friend or something natural, like someone holding a Diet Coke. After so many bad experiences there he was very "relaxed", matter of factly staring at me with his drink, no expression in his eyes. Felt like a routine for him. The way he truly didn't give a damn about how I felt.
My gut feeling that said GET AWAY NOW, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, RUN AWAY, DONT LOOK BACK, GET AWAY NOW. I had never felt anything like that before. But I couldnt ignore this inner voice anymore. I packed.
The cab driver showed more compassion than XABF ever did.
The janitor at work showed more compassion than XABF ever did.
The way she asked me "your eyes look very sad lady, what's up?" at the time I had felt invisible for so much time and I realized that yes, I was Someone too and STRANGERS showed more humanity than the Ex. That is where I learned the difference between WORDS and ACTIONS..
OK remembering this made me all teary.. but its all good.
Another thing, crying and talking to myself with compassion instead of telling myself how weak or stupid I am for feeling whatever.
Another huge one was the post where someone said she was forgiving and letting go for entirely selfish reasons. For my own freedom and health, this helps me remember all the inner work is not about others, I am the one getting all the benefits, and I am worth it.
One of the huge ones was when XABF was drinking a beer a Tuesday at 6 PM. The way he was holding the beer. As if it was his best friend or something natural, like someone holding a Diet Coke. After so many bad experiences there he was very "relaxed", matter of factly staring at me with his drink, no expression in his eyes. Felt like a routine for him. The way he truly didn't give a damn about how I felt.
My gut feeling that said GET AWAY NOW, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS, RUN AWAY, DONT LOOK BACK, GET AWAY NOW. I had never felt anything like that before. But I couldnt ignore this inner voice anymore. I packed.
The cab driver showed more compassion than XABF ever did.
The janitor at work showed more compassion than XABF ever did.
The way she asked me "your eyes look very sad lady, what's up?" at the time I had felt invisible for so much time and I realized that yes, I was Someone too and STRANGERS showed more humanity than the Ex. That is where I learned the difference between WORDS and ACTIONS..
OK remembering this made me all teary.. but its all good.
Another thing, crying and talking to myself with compassion instead of telling myself how weak or stupid I am for feeling whatever.
Another huge one was the post where someone said she was forgiving and letting go for entirely selfish reasons. For my own freedom and health, this helps me remember all the inner work is not about others, I am the one getting all the benefits, and I am worth it.
Being able to recognise that codependency "feeling and thinking," for me is a giant step. That's the first thing that saves my bacon, actually - I get that "oh, no - here I am again," feeling - then I remember that it has -always- passed, eventually.
I can still get the crazies - two things have changed my life in recovery. First, it's up to me to stick up for me (this looks like a simple sentence but has been a life-changing revelation). I have the right to do it, I'm responsible for it and I now have the tools to do it. I cannot change anyone else but I can take or leave situations that aren't good for me or practice detachment (try to) when I'm in a situation that's triggering me.
The second thing is that so very little in the world around me has to be taken personally. The difference between something feeling personal and being personal is huge. If I can pause before I react - that pause is where I can stop the crazies blowing out into a full-scale meltdown.
Thirdly - first things first (old and hackneyed but a goodie for me). Self care means getting some rest, eating well and if I'm in a bind, pulling out all my recovery books and keeping my nose in them until something helps. I got really burnt out at work recently and the difference that taking a real weekend that wasn't stuffed with chores made to my frame of mind was amazing. I have no center when I'm not making time to rest and clear my head. It really shows.
All of this may be too vague, I hope something is of value - no huge insights but really, the fact that you recognise that you're "there" and are reaching out? That's amazing.
Hope it passes soon, SL xoxox
I can still get the crazies - two things have changed my life in recovery. First, it's up to me to stick up for me (this looks like a simple sentence but has been a life-changing revelation). I have the right to do it, I'm responsible for it and I now have the tools to do it. I cannot change anyone else but I can take or leave situations that aren't good for me or practice detachment (try to) when I'm in a situation that's triggering me.
The second thing is that so very little in the world around me has to be taken personally. The difference between something feeling personal and being personal is huge. If I can pause before I react - that pause is where I can stop the crazies blowing out into a full-scale meltdown.
Thirdly - first things first (old and hackneyed but a goodie for me). Self care means getting some rest, eating well and if I'm in a bind, pulling out all my recovery books and keeping my nose in them until something helps. I got really burnt out at work recently and the difference that taking a real weekend that wasn't stuffed with chores made to my frame of mind was amazing. I have no center when I'm not making time to rest and clear my head. It really shows.
All of this may be too vague, I hope something is of value - no huge insights but really, the fact that you recognise that you're "there" and are reaching out? That's amazing.
Hope it passes soon, SL xoxox
Last edited by stilllearning; 08-06-2011 at 05:47 AM. Reason: addition
My sponsor once said: a leopard doesn't change his spots. I remember that anytime I entertain the thought that someone should/could change because I want them to. Also, that I'm powerless over people, places and things.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Aside from all the 12-Step slogans, which I probably use everyday of my life, one thing I have learned by trial and error is, once I have decided on a particular course of action, I go forward with it and never turn back.
I have learned the meaning of "one day at a time" and try little by little to put this slogan into place. During a meeting a women shared that she had spent so much time, effort, and energy organizing her kids childhoods that she didn't get to appreciate or really even experience them. I don't want that to happen to me. I want to experience my son's childhood.
Bump for antidote to my crankiness!
My first posts on this wonderful thread were in jest...mainly because in my own recovery I found my sense of humor again. Then I lost it somewhere between home and the office on Monday and am still looking for it!
So...in that vain...today I am grateful for the Al-Anon Just for Todays...and really have been for the entire year I have been in the program. I keep my little bookmark handy so I can read them regularly. And in my crankiness the last few days, they have been a lifesaver (probably more for my kids then me!)
Learning these little "mind tricks" to get myself out of a funk and stop my own stinkin thinkin has been so helpful. But so has learning to give myself permission to say I am just damn cranky this week and am going to lock myself in my room/office alone and not take it out on anyone else, or look for others to blame. My emotions are my own.
My first posts on this wonderful thread were in jest...mainly because in my own recovery I found my sense of humor again. Then I lost it somewhere between home and the office on Monday and am still looking for it!
So...in that vain...today I am grateful for the Al-Anon Just for Todays...and really have been for the entire year I have been in the program. I keep my little bookmark handy so I can read them regularly. And in my crankiness the last few days, they have been a lifesaver (probably more for my kids then me!)
Learning these little "mind tricks" to get myself out of a funk and stop my own stinkin thinkin has been so helpful. But so has learning to give myself permission to say I am just damn cranky this week and am going to lock myself in my room/office alone and not take it out on anyone else, or look for others to blame. My emotions are my own.
First, it's up to me to stick up for me (this looks like a simple sentence but has been a life-changing revelation). I have the right to do it, I'm responsible for it and I now have the tools to do it. I cannot change anyone else but I can take or leave situations that aren't good for me or practice detachment (try to) when I'm in a situation that's triggering me.
The second thing is that so very little in the world around me has to be taken personally. The difference between something feeling personal and being personal is huge. If I can pause before I react - that pause is where I can stop the crazies blowing out into a full-scale meltdown.
The second thing is that so very little in the world around me has to be taken personally. The difference between something feeling personal and being personal is huge. If I can pause before I react - that pause is where I can stop the crazies blowing out into a full-scale meltdown.
I've had no contact with my A/NA friend for 14 mths...saw him on the highway...he's yelling I want our friendship, i will call you...i heard he is 18 mths clean and this month 1 year sober...
still, today, not a word...
ACTIONS speak louder than words.....
and do i really want to go back to that place again...?? HE77 NO!!
still, today, not a word...
ACTIONS speak louder than words.....
and do i really want to go back to that place again...?? HE77 NO!!
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