Trying to sort it all out...
 

Married him knowing he was an alcholic.... (I knew better)
Loved him, and despised him...(currently ongoing)
Tried the nagging wife things for years..(didn't work)
The devasated and crying wife for years...(didn't work)
The passive and do whatever you want wife for years ..(didn't work except I was happier at times.)
The set the boundary wife...(he failed, I didn't stick to it)

Ok, so, what is your plan?

You cannot change him, you can only change yourself. And, bounderies are useless if not enforced.

Are you attending meetings? If not, I would suggest that you do so.

Take care of you!

Started to recovery and take care of me (chance of happiness, gratitude already there)

For me this would be my last line to your poem. I bet you can come up with one too.

I can relate so much to the post.

Please get yourself to Al-Anon. It does help. I went through each and every one of those phases you mentioned, but with a boyfriend and in a much shorter time span before I reached the end of my rope and went for help. Nothing you're doing is going to help him, but it can help to prolong his disease .