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getting worse than before

Old 08-03-2011, 07:52 AM
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getting worse than before

so now i've involved his family. the mother and sister came today to try and get him to go to detox again. but he refused and treated them with the same disrepect and cruelty as he does me. now they see what i have been going through. i felt guilty last night for upsetting his elderly mom but now i don't anymore..... its time they all knew what their son/brother is up to and how he has ruined his marriage and is life. he has a blood disease and drinks heavily and is on the road to an early grave. am i mean when i have thoughts wishing it would happen....just so that i can live again?

my bag is all packed and ready. its just getting that first foot out the door. i worry about my pets that i can't take with me.... what do i do for god sakes,what do i do???
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Old 08-03-2011, 08:42 AM
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Do you have a trusted friend who can keep the pets temporarily or family? There are some pet foster homes for families in crisis, but I don't know the particulars.
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:09 AM
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no family that would take her. and friends is a negative. they all have pets already. my cat does NOT get along with others! she barely is seen when the dog is around.

i will figure something out......
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:24 AM
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Call your Humane Society, Call your Vet, ask them if they know of any 'temporary foster homes' while you are in CRISIS.

Make it 'clear' that you are willing to pay for their food, cat litter, their needs, etc while you seek out a 'new home' for yourself and them.

You might be surprised at what they come up with.

That is how I found my house/pet sitter for when I travel. She was the #1 vet tech at my vets for quite a few years, before she decided to retire and then realized how much she missed working with the animals. She will not only come to my home, but in other instances 'fosters' while owner(s) are out of town or in a crisis.

All is not lost yet.

I do believe if you can get that co ered, you will be 'out the door' since your bags are packed.

Remember, we are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:30 AM
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Please dont let the pets suffer too, they really are totally innocents in all this. There must be a shelter who will take them. I implore you to do the right thing by them.

All the very best with you, you must be at the end of your tether now and there comes a point where you have to save you, you cant save your husband if he doesnt want to be saved.

God bless.
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:36 AM
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thanks laurie, i will give that a try.

as for my "one foot out the door" there is so much uncertainty today. if he won't even listen to his own mom and sister, or me, then what hope do i have that he will ever go in for help. all i do is cry. and shake (you might think i was the one in withdrawl!). its horrible. and my work just gave me more duties and i have to attend meetings, etc....its so stressful and i want so much to do a good job and concentrate and do the best job i can do. but all i do is dwell on that SOB all day long and i hate calling him that because i do know its a disease but i can't help it. i know people with cancer who don't resort to treating thier loved ones like crap...so i can't help the anger. all i want to do is get off this roller coaster as smoothly as possible. the pets are just another obstacle to overcome
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Englishrose70 View Post
Please dont let the pets suffer too, they really are totally innocents in all this. There must be a shelter who will take them. I implore you to do the right thing by them.

All the very best with you, you must be at the end of your tether now and there comes a point where you have to save you, you cant save your husband if he doesnt want to be saved.

God bless.
so true. i can't help him anymore. he doesn't want saving. he repeatedly says he wants to die and he IS going to if he doesn't stop. he not only has the alcoholism disease but also a life threatening blood disease which is escalated by drinking. he is basically pickling his insides and the iron in his blood is way too abundant and is also attacking his liver. so its now not a matter of if he will die from it, but when he will die from it ..... and i dont want to be around to watch it happen.

oh, and dont' worry about the pets. i would never desert them or let anything bad happen to them. i love them too much
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:44 AM
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You are in withdrawal.

It is withdrawal from the man you loved who is no more. It is withdrawal or loss of the 'hope' that he would/will find recovery. It is withdrawal from the 'evil incarnate' that he has turned into.

We do understand. Honest. It is like the person you knew had died but you can still see a form of the 'physical' body which I M H O makes the grieving even harder.

So, stick close, we are here for you, we do understand so well.

One thing I have found that works for me and others have also, is this:

When you feel the shakes coming on, when your mind starts racing and you do not know if you are coming or going:

STOP EVERYTHING.

Take a deep deep breath. Hold to a 'slow' count of 10.

Exhale.

Repeat 10 more times.

This can be done quietly, even in a room full of people.

What will happen is 1) your are concentrating on the 'slow counts' and what breath number you are on. This slows down the racing brain, 2) you are getting more oxygen to the brain, and thus can start to think a bit more clearly, and 3) you are getting more oxygen to the WHOLE body and the shakes dissipate also.

Hope this will help you as it has myself and others.

Love and hugs,
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Old 08-03-2011, 09:49 AM
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i will remember that. as the day comes closer and closer to an end my entire body starts feeling flush and my insides a bundle of nerves becasue i never know what i am going to walk into when i get home..... but i am ready to leave should anything bad happen.

i talked in an earlier post about a man i dated for 4 years who stole from me, cheated on me and ruined my credit. that nearly pushed me over the edge but it wasn't nearly as disheartening as this situation.
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Old 08-03-2011, 10:09 AM
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it's like waiting for a piano to fall on your head....I hated the feeling on not knowing what would happen after I got home from work, home is supposed to be your sanctuary, your quiet, peaceful place to re-charge your batteries and feel relaxed.

Once you get through this, it will begin to feel like that again...when you walk in the door, kick your shoes off (in my case after running to the dog with his leash because he's rapidly telling me "I've been waiting for you with my legs crossed, LETS GO, I HAVE TO PEEEEE)...and you realize that the house is exactly how you left it in the morning...

the only surprise i have had in the last 2 years was one murdered mouse on the front bedroom/office carpet....The cats were very proud.

I hope you have a quiet evening and can pull yourself through.
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