OT Why does this get to me...
 

... a fellow coworker responded fast to an issue and a customer thanked her... now the boss is congratulating her and copying the whole team... and the team is congratulating her now... for doing her job.

I've gone above and beyond for my work the last 3 years and not a peep EVER.

I usually don't care nor feel much envy (at least not work related) but this time it got me...

Or perhaps I was already feeling unappreciated/unsupported in general and this highlighted the feeling?

I would like to send all my good feedbacks from customers to the boss, in case he had not noticed how great I am!! but I don't know how this would look like, its like fishing for compliments. Tacky. At the same time perhaps he truly does not know and I am a codie for expecting others to know things without informing them as if they were mind readers.




But things like these make me remember I am doing well now by not putting my work before my health or life anymore. And that its OK that I don't get congratulated, I missed so much and have had so many health issues in relation to work (martyrdom) so, I am telling myself I DON'T want to be applauded for working longer hours, weekends, holidays, etc. anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent in a safe place.

My first thought is how would your boss know about the good feedback from customers if you don't let him know?

I too have a terrible habit of thinking people are mind readers, which leads to resentment. I really have to watch for that and not be afraid to speak out.

Sending you hugs of support! :hug:

Do you have any sort of annual reviews? If so, bring the letters to that, because it's applicable, and then it doesn't seem like bragging.

If not, start talking to some of the customers you have the closest relationships with, and simply mention that it would help you if they'd Cc your boss on any thank you notes they send to you (not the simple "Thanks!" ones, but the longer ones).
You will be surprised how many people would be willing to do this! Your customers are simply returning a favor (you already helped them, now they're doing something to help you), and it doesn't come off as you bragging because you're not the one forwarding them. Instead it reads like a very satisfied customer.

Freedom's post made me laugh...hello, that has been me in the past!

I think its a normal response to have moments of - resentment, for lack of a more descriptive word - when someone gets extra kudos for doing something they are already getting paid to do, unless it is super over the top action. As a supervisor, my first thought is there is a story behind the public congratulations. You are probably not a squeaky wheel, and supervisors tend to focus on those who are, good or bad.

I like StarCat's idea above - waiting for your review and bringing it forth then, if you feel its important to have that acknowledgement. I personally prefer promotions over public kudos. Just show me the money! ; )

Kidding aside, the only reason I would highlight someone like you describe is if there was a need to motivate this person or a need to motivate others using this person as an example. There's more to this story than you know, I'd bet.

Well let's see, here is J M H O.

I believe that it is a part of the 'human psyche' to be competitive. There are those of us that always 'strive' to do our very best.

Thus our bosses and managers come to 'expect' this or see this as part of our 'work ethic.'

Then along comes an employee(s) who do not do 'their best' and when an event happens, such as a 'thank you' that the boss/manager becomes aware of, they use that as a 'motivation' tool by 'praising' said employee.

I have to admit that I have been guilty of that in the past. I have used it as a 'tool' to try and get an employee (RN) to do their best for a client. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't and I stopped when I had another employee come to me and share how it made her feel. I changed tactics almost immediately.

Now, unfortunately many bosses/managers are not that attuned to an employees feelings. I believe I only am because of my ongoing project of 'improving myself' since I found recovery.

So for you to 'resent' this or feel 'left out' are really very 'normal' feelings, lol

The fact that you recognize this .................................. well that shows just home much YOU have changed and grown since you first joined SR almost 3 years ago!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

I'm of two minds here.

First, I think it's completely appropos for you to save up your compliments and bring them to your next review.

But second... PEP TALK! Never be ashamed to promote yourself. Some people will consider it tacky, but if they're not your boss, then whatever, forget 'em.

I think people have a hard time learning how to self-promote in business for a lot of reasons, women especially, with all the crap we get about avoiding competition and being responsible for smoothing over relationships. I view competition as more of a race between me and my best self -- not a race between me and my coworkers. When I do get a compliment, I always say something to the effect of, "Thanks! I love my job," (whether or not I do on that particular day), or "I am always glad to help." Because I am. I like doing a good job, I like being recognized for doing a good job, and I think everyone should be recognized for doing a good job.

Just don't let those kudos be the barometer for your self-esteem. Be able to recognize and give *yourself* credit for a job well done too.

The only advice I can give is try not to take it personally. Managing people is a difficult skill unto itself, and your manager may be lacking in certain areas. I think it's also human nature to take for granted those employees who are more steady and reliable. This can often lead to overlooking the good things you do, because they've come to expect it.

Best of luck.

SR friends, thank you very much for all your posts. They helped me a great deal.

Yes indeed - she is the team lead of a team (duh) that has had a very bad reputation with the customer. You were totally right!

I'll take your advice and gather all the good feedback I have received. Mind you I took it to my first review and the manager didn't give a damn. But I got a brand new manager now. Maybe he cares :lmao

And yes, our team is already one of the hardest-working and everybody knows it. I was thinking none of my other peers (who have given way too much for years and years) have got any words of appreciation either. So, yeah, its not about ME...

StarCat thanks for your suggestion, I will do that :)

Today I no longer felt envy, too busy living my life, working, doing Pilates, drinking coffee and spending time with mom, just had a wonderful bath, put on a "Sugar-free plum revitalizer" night cream that makes me feel pampered. I am listening to the storm while my cat sleeps on my lap.

My world is beautiful. I just flirt with drama sometimes. But I come back to this "happy place" more often. :)

With gratitude,

TC999


PS Today we had our Stressful Weekly Meeting. The usual suspects whined and were very rude (as usual).
Guess what. I DIDN'T CARE!! I went about my life as normally. YAY!! Wonderful dettachment and I didn't even try.


PPS Thank you all for your great input. It made a difference. Yes, no one defines me! I define myself every moment. This was my hurt ego speaking, not my true self. Codependent -no more.

:grouphug:

My first thought went to how I can't stand, and how I get irrationally furious about behaviors in other people that drove/drives me bonkers with AXH.

At one point, back when he was still sober and going to meetings, he broke NC to contact me and tell me that he had been sober for X number of days. I (stupidly) responded and said something like, "OK" or something similarly exuberant. He didn't think I was congratulatory enough, so he responded back and asked me, "Is that all you've got? An 'OK'? After I've worked so hard at something that is so incredibly difficult?"

At that point I lost it, and said, "Listen: You've been drunk for most of the 20 years we were married. You don't get pats on the back for behaving like a normal human being for X number of days. That's just what's expected of normal human beings.

So yes, it was insensitive and not supportive and all that jazz. But I've noticed that I have this irrationally furious knee-jerk reaction to other people behaving like that -- even when it has nothing to do with me. Like the incredibly obese woman I used to work with who would go to the McD drivethrough for lunch and come back with four Big Macs, who one day only came back with TWO, and wanted everyone to notice how great she was doing only consuming TWO Big Macs with supersized fries.

She WAS doing great, given her condition. Just like AXH was doing great staying sober, given that he was, well, an A. But I think what was going on in my mind is I was thinking "I've never poured alcohol down the hatch till I passed out on the lawn. I've never puked all over the bathroom after drinking and ordered my children to clean it up and threatened to beat them if they don't. Why should HE get pats on the back for doing something I have been doing my entire life?"

Long way of saying -- it might just be feeling slighted, it might be codie need for external approval, but it could possibly also be something that reminded you of your A's behavior? (It sure reminded me about mine, if you couldn't tell!!! :lmao )

Another angle: I was a supervisor (in a large organization) who decided that they wanted to improve employee engagement and they decided we would do so by thanking our employees frequently. We had quotas to fill. It created an insane situation.

With payroll cuts, several of our employees had very few hours per week and I often wouldn't see them if I was on a different shift. But I had quotas of "thank you's" I had to fulfill. So, it really got ridiculous, and we hated it.

The associates who answered to me knew how appreciated they were before this initiative, but this initiative undermined everything for exactly the reasons you stated.

I am with the "why are they getting thanks for doing what they are supposed to do anyway" camp. And we know who the suck ups are that bring every little thing to our attention.

So yes, bring your customer commendations to your review. Or approach your supervisor: "something just happened that made me so proud/happy I just had to share...." Especially these days, it's hard for supervisors to know everything or be everywhere and we hate to miss a genuine achievement.

One thing I have learned is that anytime I want to compliment an employee, I ask for the boss's email address so I can cc that person. OR, conversely, if I am complimenting the boss on an employee's performance, I make sure to cc the compliment-ee, so they can have the ammo if they need it.

I see nothing wrong with forwarding any kudos you get to the boss. It isn't about receiving the heaps of praise, it's about letting your boss know you have happy customers. If you don't do that, the occasional irate customer who contacts the boss directly is the only one he or she knows about.

It's all about documentation.

Good for you! Your recovery is shining! :hug:

TC999, if your boss doesn't appreciate you we all sure do!:scoregood

I got a "thanks for your wonderful effort" email today

I just asked the coworker to send an email about my ongoing good disposition to my manager!! YAY!! Even if nothing happens I feel great. I have helped this coworker many times and I worked this saturday just to help him out.

Thank you agian for your support and great ideas!

Today

I approached the coworker who was congratulated and asked her to train me and my team about her field of expertise! no envy in fact I felt great there is another female in our team.



And I asked for good feedback to be sent to my manager from ANOTHER coworker I helped today.
He copied me:


################################################## #########

TC999/TC999 team lead,

Thanks for coming through for us on these requests earlier today. You folks always go out of your way to help us. On behalf of the YYYYYYYYY account, I wanted to thank you guys for taking the time out of your day to get us the information we needed.

Sincerely,

XY team lead.


################################################## ##########

:) need to be cautious as not to overdo it but what can I say, its not my fault to get expressions of gratitude these days :)

I see a lot of this too.
I think some bosses only point out good work if it makes them look good for noticing!!!