Any other Al-Anon newbies out there?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 37
Any other Al-Anon newbies out there?
Today is the day I am going to my first Al-Anon meeting. I am really excited after reading all of the positives from folks right here! I will "review" the meeting and experience after.
Just wanted to share
Peace.
Maureen
Just wanted to share
Peace.
Maureen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 37
Haven't gone to meeting yet; it's at 8:00. I am a bit upset that I told my ABF about my plans. He asked me what I am doing tonight (he's working) and I told him. He said "Oh no! All they are going to try to do is get you away from me and tell you how horrible I am" etc. I assured him that I didn't believe that is how it works.
Later, while grocery shopping, the good little codie in me reared her head. I became quite anxious that I had made him mad (so lame!). I even briefly considered not going to the meeting. I called him and he said that he wasn't mad at me but he just wanted me to be aware that the "purpose of Al-Anon is to break up the non-drinker from the drinker". I responded that MY decision to start attending Al-Anon is to learn how to best live my life in an emotionally healthy manner. I told him that I do love him but his disease, no matter what state of recovery, active drinking, etc. he is in, will always be present in our lives. Ugggh. Stress that I don't need.
Maureen
Later, while grocery shopping, the good little codie in me reared her head. I became quite anxious that I had made him mad (so lame!). I even briefly considered not going to the meeting. I called him and he said that he wasn't mad at me but he just wanted me to be aware that the "purpose of Al-Anon is to break up the non-drinker from the drinker". I responded that MY decision to start attending Al-Anon is to learn how to best live my life in an emotionally healthy manner. I told him that I do love him but his disease, no matter what state of recovery, active drinking, etc. he is in, will always be present in our lives. Ugggh. Stress that I don't need.
Maureen
lost n exhausted
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 26
Yup, I will have first meeting on Wednesday. Please don't talk yourself out of it, I'll be waiting to read how it went. Before you go in take a deep breath and repeat to yourself why you are going and good luck to you :ghug3
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Good luck! And enjoy the meeting - they help me so much!
By the way, you do understand what the meeting is about. It's not his version, it's not about him at all, it's all about you and your recovery, and doesn't try to dictate what you do, just help with your mental mindset when you're deciding that for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
When I first went to Alanon I was angry and bitter and I was hoping that they would tell me how to get my alcoholic to stop drinking and to tell me "Yes, leave him". Neither happened! I've been going 3 years and no one is telling me to leave him.
My AH was nervous about Alanon, he thought we sat around and bashed our alcoholics. I told him it is for me and that we don't even encourage talking about the alcoholic (although it is ok to talk about our reaction to a situation).
He felt better when he knew I wasn't there telling people what a monster he was.
I hope you find for yourself what I found in Alanon.
My AH was nervous about Alanon, he thought we sat around and bashed our alcoholics. I told him it is for me and that we don't even encourage talking about the alcoholic (although it is ok to talk about our reaction to a situation).
He felt better when he knew I wasn't there telling people what a monster he was.
I hope you find for yourself what I found in Alanon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ashland Oregon
Posts: 256
Saying this: is incredibly powerful! Good for you!
When I started going to AlAnon, I sneaked out, because I didn't want to trigger an emotional backlash or a drinking binge. Gee, was I dumb! He did both anyway, regardless. And when I did tell him I was going to AlAnon, he said he'd just stop drinking, so I wouldn't have to go anymore. He lied.
Yes, AlAnon is for your own personal growth. You make the decision to stay with your partner, not some arbitrary group that doesn't even know your last name! Please report back, and tell us how it went!
- Sylvie
MY decision to start attending Al-Anon is to learn how to best live my life in an emotionally healthy manner. I told him that I do love him, but his disease, no matter what state of recovery, active drinking, etc. he is in, will always be present in our lives.
When I started going to AlAnon, I sneaked out, because I didn't want to trigger an emotional backlash or a drinking binge. Gee, was I dumb! He did both anyway, regardless. And when I did tell him I was going to AlAnon, he said he'd just stop drinking, so I wouldn't have to go anymore. He lied.
Yes, AlAnon is for your own personal growth. You make the decision to stay with your partner, not some arbitrary group that doesn't even know your last name! Please report back, and tell us how it went!
- Sylvie
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