Tally

I was talking to a friend last night and was moaning about a disagreement I'd had with another friend. He said something along the lines of "what now? there's always something with you!".

I was a bit insulted at first but have been thinking about it today and he's right.

I over analyze EVERYTHING. I normally analyze so much that I read things into stuff that isn't there...I make a drama and I get upset and a bit paranoid and feel like the whole world is ending.

I can't just let things be. I pick and pick until I either have every piece of information from someone else or I make it up myself.

I'm actually driving myself nuts doing this...reading all kinds of things into the future that may or may never happen. Worrying about what could happen and then acting on it without it ever happening.

I'm ashamed to admit that I've realised that when there's no drama or nothing to worry over, I get bored.

I've also realised that when living with my exABF, I used to do the same thing...I think I did that to try and get his attention because he would ignore me most of the time. Maybe something to do with low self esteem on my part.

I'm having counselling and will bring it up with her at my next session but just wondering if any of you have been through a similar thing.

How do I stop it?

Freedom1990

I was the great analyst when I first got into recovery!

I realized later on that it was a way to effectively detract from looking at and working on my own issues. It keeps me in my head, and away from feelings that I need to deal with.

You aren't alone in doing this.

I swear, it used to be when I woke up in the mornings, before my feet ever hit the floor, my head was already 10 miles down the road!

Tuffgirl

Awareness, Acceptance, Action.

You've hit step one already - good job!

Accepting this is your tendency without shame would be a good step 2.

There's nothing shameful about our "character defects" - I really don't like the word "defect" here, I prefer "limitations" - and becoming aware of them means we can work on changing them to something that works better for us.

I get bored easily, too. So I make sure I have plenty on hand to occupy myself...be it projects, books, activity. And when I catch myself over-analyzing, I make a mental switch to letting it go, doing whatever it takes to stop that mental obsession. Through Al-Anon and SR, I have lots of tricks now to change my own stinkin thinkin.

m1k3

Obsessive thought patterns. Great post. Actually this was the topic at my meeting last night.

You are in a great place to discuss it also. We are mostly codependents here codies love to analyze and obsess over everything. As tuffgirl said it's a great way to avoid looking at yourself.

I am slowly breaking myself of the habit. When I first moved out from my AW I probably had 10 or more fights with her every day. And she wasn't even there. I was driving myself crazy. I had to acquire some tools to deal with this. And I did here at this website and at al-anon. I received guidence and experience on how to use them as well.

What worked for me is focusing on mindfulness. I focus on paying attention to my thoughts and when I catch myself starting down that path I nip it in the bud by counting breaths. There are lots of other techniques that work, this one just works well for me. A lot of people use the serenity prayer.

It brings me back to the here and now and allows me let go before I am lost in the woods of my own obsessive thinking.

Your friend,

jamaicamecrazy

The squirrel in he cage syndrome is what several folks in my home group call it. Obsessive thinking.
Check out Vujades chaos theory post as well:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...os-theory.html
It puts things in perspective for me.
I over analyze as well. What are they thinking? What did they mean? What was their motivation. My counselor keeps reminding me to stay out of other people's heads-especially the A. Focus on my motivation. What am I thinking? What did I mean?
I love the WAIT acronym someone else posted on here-Why Am I Talking? If it is to lash out, prove I'm right, manipulate someone- then it is not going to be productive or healthy for me.
I have not tried counting breaths but the serenity prayer helps. As well as some Al Anon slogans such as "Let Go & Let God"
Someone else in my group used a techniques that helped me when I was at my worst. She repeats whatever it is she is doing as she does it.
"I'm driving to work. I'm driving to work."
"I'm doing the dishes. I'm doing the dishes"
It sounds quirky but it helped me stay in the here and now and not get lost in the what ifs and my wild imagination.

vujade

UGH! I'm so there with you!

I am a chronic over-analyzer and I will talk, talk, talk about problems until people are glazed over. Once I was telling my son ALL about the reasons he shouldn't do something (he was 7 at the time) and he said "Mommy! I get it! I understand! Will you please stop talking about it now???"

I used to joke with my best friend that if everyone would just stick with the script I wrote, life would be perfect. LOL! But when people would veer off of what I felt was the right way to do things, it sent me in a complete tizzy...anger, obsession, frustration, lecturing.

I am right in line with Freedom on this. I have realized in the recent past that my insistence on over-analyzing other people's "problems" has only served as a distraction from my own. My need to control other people's lives and decisions has made it impossible for me to control what I CAN...my decisions and my reactions.

Ditto to TG - WTG for getting past the immediate response of resentment and really thinking about your friend's words! The biggest turning point for me was when I really accepted that my behavior was not healthy or helpful for anyone...least of all, for me.

vujade

Oooh - I like that one! I must have missed the thread.

Tally

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, I do tend to go on and on and on about something until people either glaze over or get frustrated with me.

I think I've been leaning on my best friend too much lately...he would ring me every night and we'd talk for hours and that was my routine... but just this last week he's had a lot on at work, been really tired and hasn't called as much.

I asked him about it, he told me the reasons, work are short staffed, he's covering for loads, a friend of his needs support after his dad died, he's busy sorting his garden out, buying a new car, selling his old one, organising a holiday... but I'm still analyzing what I could be doing wrong, why the sudden turn around, why isn't he ringing me like normal, has he gone off me? So again, I asked, was reassured again but still, deep down I don't believe him. So now I'm getting angry with him for "messing me around", when realistically I KNOW that he's a lovely guy, we've been the best of friends for years and years and he wouldn't do that to me...
And then because I've been worried about it and going on at him now I think I must be annoying him, being clingy and needy. Swear to god am just about sick of myself at the moment, so god knows how he must be feeling.

I'm not sure what has brought this out right now...maybe a change in routine or feeling lonely cos I'm used to seeing him.

Am gonna get my codependency books out and have a reread I think. Hate feeling like this.

Is it an insecurity thing or having too many expectations of people maybe?

Freedom1990

Yes and yes.

wellnowwhat

Thank you for this thread. I do this too! I am working hard to stop, but it does make you crazy!

Thank god for Patsy Cline. When I am going around in circles in my head and tell myself I am going crazy, I start to sing her song "Crazy" in my head. Then on comes the music and I'm free of the stinkin' thinkin' for a while.

Corny, but helps me!

GettingBy

Count me in the club with you, Tally! I heard myself talking to my family this weekend and really listened to what I was saying... and thought, "Holy Crap... I sound like a damn drama queen." WAIT (why am I talking?!?!?)... and then I shut my mouth. I didn't know how to say anything nice, so I said nothing at all!

I am becoming more and more AWARE of me and my tendencies - taking a Step 4... making a searching and fearless moral inventory. Which for me means... working on ACCEPTANCE. I am who I am.

Step 5... Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. So here you are... admitting to us!! That's GOOD!!!

Step 6... Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Step 7... Humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings!!


It's a process... one step at a time. And when I find myself getting frustrated ("I want these flaws gone NOW!!!"), I have to remember to go back to the "steps"... there is no elevator in recovery

Thanks for letting me share! I love you guys!
Shannon

danielleinto

I'm an over analyzer too. I yeah but everything - not just my problems but I try to figure out people and why they do what they do. I've got lots of reading to do on this forum.

Is this a character trait of a spouse of an alcoholic?

Tally

I have no idea. Know that I didn't do it before I met my ex though.

m1k3

It all falls back to the illusion of control doesn't it.

I noticed one thing with myself. I picked it up journaling last week. I wanted control and I didn't want responsibility.

I give up the the control and the need to be responsible just went away with it.

As long as I take care of myself I'm fine.

fedup3

I can't go to a movie without analyzing the dialogue not the characters but the person who wrote the movie on why he/she wrote it the way he/she did. It really takes all the fun out it when you think about it.

vujade

Seriously! I was totally bummed when I finally accepted this as truth. LOL!! But once I got comfortable with it, I honestly prefer it. You mean their lives will go on without me????? Oh wait...that means MY life will go on without them, too! YAY!!!

LifeRecovery

I love this post.

I struggle with this too.

As I have gotten better though I don't struggle with crazy circular thinking as much. Or the crazy circular thinking I do about my crazy circular thinking.

Actually now when I catch myself (which is much less but still there) it actually helps to signal to me that something is upsetting me. I get to talk about what is up in Al-Anon, counseling etc. Then I get to let it go. I think I am much less of a drama queen as a result.

theuncertainty

Thank you, Tally. I needed to read this thread today.

This:
Is where I'm stuck right now.

blueblooms14

This is one of the best lines ever!!

For me, I don't do this in most of life, just about men. Poor men.

Tally

Pmsl, I do that too, crazy thinking about my crazy thinking. Sheesh am a bit nutty eh

Given me lots to think about these replies have, like I didn't have enough already