9 days NC & feeling much better
 

Winding up my vacation at the beach. Having such a nice time that we stayed an extra 2 days. I had to look at the calendar to actually calculate how many days of NC I have now. My son and his friend have had the best vacation of their 15 years! I have had my lonely moments, sure, and I will probably have more in the future, but it is getting easier. The longer it goes, that I don't hear from him, the more I realize how much he was NOT the man I thought he was. He told me once how hard he tried to be the man that I wanted him to be. I wish he could have seen how much I loved the man he was and I wish he didn't feel he had to drink to become someone else. I'm still scared of what the future holds for me. I have moments when I think I miss him desperately and moments when I miss "us". I force myself to relive all the times I found him drinking, all the lies, and all the crap to keep my head on straight.

I took a long walk on the beach early one morning alone. I found a seashell and wrote in the sand. "I loved you **** - goodbye". I slowly walked away, watching the tide come in and wash my words away and then they were gone.......I cried again, but felt a peacefulness come over me. It was my way of saying goodbye, without all the drama he would have brought into it. :c015:

Glad everyone had a good time at the beach, and what a brilliant idea to write in the sand and then watch the tide wash it away!

Sending you hugs of support! :hug:

I'm still scared of what the future holds for me.

Welcome to the human race!!

hwsm I hope you continue to feel better. Even if sadness, melancholy etc. strike you again, its all temporary, its all healing and its still progress.

The future holds great things for you, if you continue taking good care of yourself!