He is sober, but his behavior...
 

Help. I don't know how to cope. I'm not even sure I deserve this, whatever that means. He is sober but he goes from loving to incredibly distant and I have fears that he is going to leave me. We've been through this before. I don't know what to do. I need help.

Hi Lizz. First of all, take some deep breaths and try to relax. :hug:

I don't have much information to respond to. Is he just not drinking, or is he working a program of recovery like AA? How long has he been sober? Are you attending Alanon for yourself?

Two books that I've found interesting and I think may be helpful to you are:

1) Love Addiction by Pia Mellody - it describes the causes and character traits of love addicts and love avoidants.

2) Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

These books may help you better understand his behavior and/or your own.

Lizz -

I think everyone goes through this at some time. Relationships can be very confusing. His distance may be about you, or it may not. Everyone has their own inner world and it may be that he just needs space to think and reflect at times.

My advice is - try to focus on things in your own life. Whether he wants to be with you or not, you need to take care of yourself.

Panther

I'm a male and a recovering alcohol. 46 days clean now. I know for me personally I have mood swings kinda like that.

Lizz please check in when you can. :hug:

Hi Lizz,

I hope things have improved between you and that he is still working hard at maintaining his sobriety. How are you?

Hugs, HG

Hi,
Hope you are doing well, and taking care of you. My BF, recovering, sober 1 1/2 years, working a strong program still has moments where he becomes distant. I don't always understand him, but I take care of me.

Reading and posting here, Al-anon literature, reading CoDependent No More and meetings, a great therapist, and finally finally knowing that I will be ok no matter what are my lifelines. While he has worked on himself, I worked on me, and we both continue to do so.

I love him, I enjoy being with him, but I CAN live without him. Best gift I can give myself.

All I can offer is what has worked for me. I have been worth the work on this journey. So are you, so are we all.

Hugs.