husband

hey everyone. I know it's been a while and for the most part things have been pretty good. I know I'm struggling on some levels but overall those tendencies to "doubt and question everything" have been quenched. I don't think I do this with any sense of naivety. The "crazy" thoughts subside pretty quickly and I try to move on from being a control freak to working through my own issues. (of which one of them is being a control freak.)

My wife called her mom today. She couldn't speak with her but spoke with her stepdad who is 60 but stopped drinking in his 40s. Point being: He has a good understanding of the 12 steps.

The conversation went something like this. He said" You know... Your mom and dad are upset because you haven't apologized. They are upset because you haven't thanked them for all their sacrifices. He continues... One of my students has been in recovery for 30 years and well.. You know. She goes to a place that's good not a place like where you are going "essentially equating where my wife is going to that of a dry drunk vs. where his student is going... Other things were said but Ill spare you the details. I tried to summarize as best I could.

To be fair: I haven't been to this sobriety house in a while and I have no idea what's going on there. Her step dad has 20 years of not drinking but suffice it to say... Outside of hearsay... He doesn't know what it's like there either since he doesn't go to meetings.

So she came into the house today... In tears explaining all that had happened and I about lost it. Spoke to my friend of 8 year sobriety and he had some really great things to say some of which helped me let go but that angst is still there.

The rational side of me knows not to react. The irrational side pushes me to go to their house to say a few things.
Therein lies my own chaos and inability to deal. I won't act on my irrational self but recognize these emotions still exist.

Some say addiction is a family problem. I didn't know family included the in-laws ... har har.

In all seriousness how do you handle toxic, abusive people? The in-laws are welcome to be involved with the kids but I've succumbed to accept that the illusion that existed in the past was just an illusion. Not trying to get it back just looking letting go when things like this come up. To be void of the resentment, angst and tumult. How do you let go when injustice prevails?

Rage, sadness and frustration come in to play here. How the hell is someone with an understanding of the 12 steps chastising my wife after almost 2 months for not making amends? Really?

I know to some this might sound a bit odd. To clarify my wife and I were both indoctrinated in a treatment center in our youth. Family participation was paramount. We have since been married for 19 years. have 3 wonderful beautiful kids who are thriving despite our character defects. Yet here we are.