Adrenaline
 

I went to my therapist this past week and he brought something up to me that I only gave a fleeting thought to in the past and that was when I'm divorced and by myself that my therapist says I will need his help a lot during the beginning. He told me that I was so use to having my adrenaline motivating me for so long that once I'm by myself I will have a feeling of being bored. I guess living in non-stop chaos for so long it just becomes a way of life, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now to make my point I'm going to be leaving work soon go home, pick up AH and go to a movie (he hasn't had anything to drink in 3 days) waiting for the other shoe to drop.

For those of you who are separated from your SO how did you handle this?

Um... I call a little bit of BS on that.
I have NEVER in my life had as much energy as I did when I first left AXH.
I loved scrubbing my floors, for crying out loud! :lmao

Seriously -- don't worry about being bored.
You'll have a whole new life to put together.
You'll have your own place to decorate (even if it is with stuff from Goodwill, as it was for me).
You'll have a lot of time to spend doing things you love, whatever those things are.

I think the last thing you need to worry about is being bored. And frankly, I'm a little confused as to why your therapist would warn you about what might happen after you leave. To me, that's a bit like telling someone in a burning building that "you know, you might fall and scrape you knee some time in the future if you escape this fire alive."

You're right lillamy I think he's wrong too. Maybe he didn't word it right but every time I go to him I cry all the time so he must think this woman is going to be a basket case on her own but I know I'll be just fine. He was making a point that knowing my AH for 39 yrs. since we were kids is not going to be all that easy to walk away from and I'm preparing myself for that day.

I think he's saying it might be difficult to avoid courting drama after it was such a way of life.

Personally, I found it to be the opposite. When we got sober and serious about recovery, the drama melted away and it was SO REFRESHING. My A and I both look back and wonder how exactly we maintained the drama for so long.

I would totally have to agree with what lillamy wrote....

I guess it is just my suspicious nature that I would wonder at someone I am seeing and paying telling me they are becoming increasingly indispensable, rather than less necessary, as I grow.

Or do you think he's thinking wow this woman has stayed with this situation for how long? 39 yrs! I'm just being really touchy lately seeing one of my best friends says to me "Don't take this the wrong way but how on earth with everything you've told me that you stayed with him for 39 yrs?" ugh.

I think that there will definitely be adjustments after 39 years.
I think it will be hard, no doubt.
And I don't mean to belittle the therapist for pointing that out -- but I would like to see it more like (sorry, I just think in pictures)... what you're doing when you're leaving an untenable situation is really saving your life, and whatever scars you get from that process are scars you'll have to deal with later. Right now, the important thing is that if you determine that the situation you are in is one that is breaking you down -- then step one is leaving that situation. Step two will be dealing with what happens later.

There are days when the pain is so overwhelming I have a hard time getting out of bed.
But there has not been ONE single moment when I've regretted leaving. Not one.

This is really awesome and bears repeating. Thanks for this.

I left after 36 years of marriage. It was hard and scary and oh so worth it. I had new drama initially handling everything on my own from shopping to laundry to bill paying. Been at it almost 3 months now and its not a big deal. I'm juggling a schedule with a full time job, boxing 3 times a week, al-anon twice a week and all the other chores that need to be done. Boredom is not something I am worried about.

One question, are you going to al-anon? If not I strongly suggest it. They gave me the tools and support I needed to start getting my life back in order again. I not only have a life again I enjoy living. No way I would have said that 3-4 months ago.

Good luck and ((((hugs)))),