lillamy

Mentally, physically, emotionally, and legally.

And tomorrow, I have to send my children to their actively drinking father again. He's not a safe caretaker for them. He doesn't feed them. He makes them clean his house, top to bottom. He calls them names and puts them down.

And the law won't do a damn thing because they're underage. The fact that they don't want to go to his house doesn't matter. So every two weeks, I send my children somewhere unsafe where they don't want to be and there's not a damn thing in the world I can do to stop it.

I hear alcoholism kills. In his case, it's not going fast enough.

GettingBy

(((lillamy)))....

I wish I had an answer or some great ESH - but I don't. I fear the same things with my AH. While he does a good job of staying dry when he has the kids... all the "isms" are sooo very active. I hate, hate, hate that my children experience that. Mine aren't even old enough to really explain alcoholism to them.

The only thing I can do is explain unacceptable behavior and then model acceptable behavior to them.

Sending you thoughts and prayers!
Shannon

m1k3

lillamy, I have no experience to share but sending hugs and strength to see you through this.



Your Friend,

Thumper

I'm so sorry. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

lillamy

I've got CPS and the cops on speed dial... CPS investigators work office hours, so since he drinks after he gets home from work, they can't catch him in the act. I will keep calling, though. And calling.

Cops have been there numerous times and talked to him -- but never at night when he's been drunk. They know the situation. The last cop I talked to said unless they get a call and can catch him drunk, or unless he leaves a visible injury on one of the kids, there isn't much they can do. And he's smart enough to stay on the right side of the law with the abuse -- but I know he will get caught drunk with them in his care one of these days. Having patience and faith is the problem...

I know we'll survive, I know the kids will live, but every Thursday when I think about handing them off, I want to vomit.

Latte

If this were me, I would make sure my children had one of those cell phones that could call select numbers.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this and even sorrier than your children are being put through this.

marie1960

lillamy may I ask how old the children are?

theuncertainty

Hugs, Lillamy. I completely get the feeling. And I'm so sorry that you and your girls are having to go through this. This past weekend was another round of drama on this side with XAAH and his GF. I am whole-heartedly sick of it. And I sincerely hope that DS understands that his emergency phone should be used if his Daddy scares or hurts him. That it's not normal for daddies to do that.... I hope that XAAH is still reserving his abusive behavior for me. (How twisted is that - hoping XAAH abuses me as long as it leaves DS safe?)

My therapist reminded me that I can ask for a welfare check - anonymously, even - if I think XAAH and/or his GF are drinking or using while they have DS.

Any way, just wanted to send hugs and see if you'd be up for gelato this weekend.

LexieCat

Have you considered going back to court to have the visitation order amended? If the kids are old enough to be cleaning his house, then I would presume they are old enough to tell a judge how they feel about visiting Dad. It's a tough spot to put them in, but is it tougher than having to endure these "visits" to the Gulag?

EnoughisEnough7

Sounds like someone needs a SCRAM bracelet...

I’d love to see those things legalized and required to be worn when supervising and caring for children in custody arrangements involving alcoholic parents. Putting innocent children in danger doesn’t seem to bother the courts.

Knowing my AH would have unsupervised custody was one of the things that kept me trapped in my marriage. This approach was recommended to me by a marriage counselor. We didn’t live together - and fortunately he never pushed for unsupervised visits during this arrangement. But it seems riduculous to be forced to remain married to this toxic insanity - just because the courts won’t protect our children.

Our states need much stronger laws to protect minor children in custody arrangements. Courts are condoning child abuse and endangerment. It seems in our state - all an alcoholic has to do is “say” he is not drinking to maintain custody - and it is now common knowledge that addicts will almost always lie - and nearly always keep abusing their drug of choice. Anything that would provide the TRUTH about their “professed” sobriety, including breathalyzers in cars, could change everything regarding the danger of children being left in the care of someone in an altered state of reality. To this day, I can still remember being driven around by my father while he was blind drunk on one of the rare times we were left in his care.

Too much is now known about addiction to let this aberration by our court systems continue.

BobbyJ

lillamy
This makes me feel so sad for you. My daughter is going thru the same thing as you.
Wish I had wonderful words of wisdom for you but I dont.
I just cant imagine how painful it must be......HUGS!!!!!!

lillamy

Well, the GOOD thing is that I just found out that his girlfriend (whose work takes her out of town for weeks at a time) will be there with them the entire week (she babysits them on her weeks off when she can). That means he'll take the opportunity to work long days, and the girlfriend is, as far as I've been able to determine, somewhat sane.

I know this can't be the end of the line.

So knowing that the kids will be OK this week (they're 10 and almost 13), I've recovered enough that I'm able to think straight again. You know, figure out what other resources are out there, see if there are pro bono lawyers that can at least give advice on what I can do.

Thanks for holding my head above water, friends.