Black & White Thinking
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Oh, BTW, it was from the book The Naked Now... one of my FAVORITE books.
Rohr describes "and":
Rohr describes "and":
"And" teaches us to say yes
"And" allows us to be both-and
"And" keeps us from either-or
"And" is willing to wait for insight and integration
"And" keeps us from dualistic thinking
"And" does not divide the field of the moment
"And" helps us to live in the always imperfect now
"And" is the way of mercy
"And" helps us face and accept our own dark side
"And" allows us to critique both sides of things
"And" allows us to enjoy both sides of things
"And" allows us to be both-and
"And" keeps us from either-or
"And" is willing to wait for insight and integration
"And" keeps us from dualistic thinking
"And" does not divide the field of the moment
"And" helps us to live in the always imperfect now
"And" is the way of mercy
"And" helps us face and accept our own dark side
"And" allows us to critique both sides of things
"And" allows us to enjoy both sides of things
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
And that's when it happened... a good thread... went bad!!! HAhahahaha!!!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!
I did P90X and it eliminated my big butt... didn't do anything for my bigger But though
Solomio - I love the idea of replacing "but" with "and." I struggle with unconditional love and acceptance. For me the sentence that keeps running through my mind is....
"I love my husband and he drinks... but... living with him is no longer healthy for me." Is that BUT okay?!?!?
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!
I did P90X and it eliminated my big butt... didn't do anything for my bigger But though
Solomio - I love the idea of replacing "but" with "and." I struggle with unconditional love and acceptance. For me the sentence that keeps running through my mind is....
"I love my husband and he drinks... but... living with him is no longer healthy for me." Is that BUT okay?!?!?
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Originally Posted by GettingBy 
"I love my husband and he drinks... AND... living with him is no longer healthy for me."
Even if she does get it I'm not sure where I want to go from there. BUT/AND, that's not something I have to resolve now.
Your friend,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
"I love my husband and he drinks... AND... living with him is no longer healthy for me."
As for being normal... that's a matter of perspective I guess. If I were to say, "I want life to go back to normal." For me, that really means, "I want life to go back to the way it was before the poop hit the fan."... and when I word it that way, I realize that... NO WAY IN HELL do I want to go back to that!! This hell that I have walked through has changed me. I've grown. I've evolved as a woman. I have seen in myself, and the folks in Al-anon, a chance for a different and better life. I think my first go-around in Al-anon. I wanted a solution. A fix to the problem so that life could just go on to "happily ever after." So that I could put myself on cruise control and just be happy. No more ********. No more hard work.
What I have learned in the past few months is that... the happiness... is right here. Right now. It's in working my program. It's in surrounding myself with positive thinking people. It's all about my attitude (replacing griping with gratitude). I think - therefore I am. If I think my life sucks, and I hate where I am... well, my life sucks and I hate where I am. If I am grateful for the road I've travelled and accept today for the gift it is... boy, happiness is *right there*.
It's hard though. It's easier to sink into my disease. My stinkin' thinking. To get mad at those around me who aren't measuring up to my expectations. It's easy to react and blame. I think with time and lots of practice... working my program will get easier though. I think it will become more of a natural reaction/response for me. I have to just keep trying. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by SoloMio
One of the simple language adjustments I have used, which really works for me, is something I read in Richard Rohr (can't remember--I think it's in his new book "Falling Upward." And maybe the idea isn't his, but whoever thought it up, it's pretty good:
Wherever you want to put the word "but" you replace it with "and."
So, "My husband is a nice guy but he drinks" becomes "My husband is a nice guy and he drinks."
Instant acceptance! You acknowledge two facts without putting conditions on either one.
Wherever you want to put the word "but" you replace it with "and."
So, "My husband is a nice guy but he drinks" becomes "My husband is a nice guy and he drinks."
Instant acceptance! You acknowledge two facts without putting conditions on either one.
:thankyou:
I find that I need to change the thoughts in my head in order to change my out look or actions. Reading this came at the perfect time. Just this morning I was sitting with my coffee, at the picnic table, it was perfect weather, quiet, I was content, and the dog came running up and sat leaning up against me. I was petting her and had warm fuzzy feelings and you know what run through my head..."Aww...but I don't even like dogs." Not only is there a 'but' there it is a complete disconnect with my actions and my thoughts. It is crazy. I have to pay attention because it is in all parts of my life. Sometimes I'm so content and happy on the inside and I don't reflect it on the outside. I have thoughts that are directly opposite of what I'm actually feeling and doing. It's nuts.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
I told my girlfriend the other day...I just want to be normal again. I dont want all of this weird mental stuff. I dont want to go to Alanon. I dont want to read all of these books. Today Im pissed, and thats okay!
She laughed at me... BobbyJ
I know what you mean. I like where I am at and where I am heading. Just some days I wish things would be easy and free flowing and I wasn't working so hard to be mindful of everything I am learning. I wish these new behaviours and ways of thinking were habits. It does get easier? right?
She laughed at me... BobbyJ
I know what you mean. I like where I am at and where I am heading. Just some days I wish things would be easy and free flowing and I wasn't working so hard to be mindful of everything I am learning. I wish these new behaviours and ways of thinking were habits. It does get easier? right?
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I grew up in an "I love you, but" household, and have learned that when a "but" is in the sentence, everything before the sentence is invalidated.
I have been trying to avoid using the word "but" for the same reason. All sorts of tactics.
This "and" is so simple, and yet so powerful! I love it!
You have solved my dilemma. Thank you so much! <3
I have been trying to avoid using the word "but" for the same reason. All sorts of tactics.
This "and" is so simple, and yet so powerful! I love it!
You have solved my dilemma. Thank you so much! <3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
