ValJester

...Begging me not to cancel our proposed visit.

The agreement was, that subject to a period of sobriety we would all stay selected nights. She broke it, obviously, and is denying drinking, obviously, so I when told her that I no longer want to stay, and that means the little ones can’t stay over, she went pretty nuts.

She is aggressively telling me it is unfair. I politely tried to get her off the phone and offer that we will talk about it tomorrow. Keeps phoning, telling me she must settle it now, now it is just about her wanting the children to stay only, not me. I tell her I’m sorry she feels it’s unfair but that that’s her feeling and I’m not responsible for it.

It’s basically a Mexican stand-off. 11pm, House and cell phone turned off now.

What gets me the most is that she is slurring so badly it's a joke that she is claiming sobriety.

Oh boy...

24Years

Her behavior is not sane as you know. Good job turning off the phone. Be good to yourself. Remember she is quacking. Detaching can bring inner peace. In this case it is good to: (have better things to do).

Carol Star

One thing I learned in Alanon was to not engage with them when they are under the influence.....good boundary.......take care of you and your kids

Seren

I'm sorry you had to go through that, ValJester. A real conversation can certainly never be had with someone who is intoxicated....

EnoughisEnough7

The person on the phone is not the same person you married, not really the mother to your children ... it is someone else, someone transformed by addiction. It helped me to recall that someone impaired by a substance, is not the sober person we once knew. Your children may want to spend time with their clear headed sober mother, but not with this incoherent stranger on the phone.

I remember too many times giving in to those pleas to be together as a family - feeling pangs of guilt for keeping my children away from my AH, but ...

I also unfortunately remember how much I later regretted giving in to these pleas, especially once the alcoholism had progressed, as these “get togethers” most often did not go well ... not well at all.

Many times this visits just ended up adding one more horrific memory we can only hope our children will forget ... even though we cannot.

Protect your children and find peace in knowing you are doing the right thing.

Cyranoak

It's not a Mexican standoff. It's not a draw. She broke the deal.
She doesn't get what she wants. In the real world we call this a consequence of our decisions and/or behaviors.

The real issue for me was always sticking to the deal and not melting into the people pleasing enabler that I was. Those days are long over. Thank God!

Cyranoak