Suggestions on How to Handle August?
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Suggestions on How to Handle August?
This is from a thread I started in 2009:
It seems quite often that around my birthday, something majorly craptastic happens and I can't enjoy what is supposed to be a special day.
In '94, my fiance of 6 years moved across the country without even saying goodbye. I sat in a trance for almost 3 days then hauled myself back to college where - lo and behold - I met my alcoholic hubby to be.
In '03, the day before my birthday my now ex served me with divorce papers. Nice timing.
And now August is coming back around again and I am feeling very anxious and stressed. I just hate August - it is so full of bad memories. My so-called soulmate leaving me forever - divorce papers - school crap....
I feel things in my head starting to tighten up and I really don't like that.
I want to make August really memorable in a good way this year. I need some ideas. Something a little bigger than having a spa day and something smaller than shaving my head. Ideas??? I wanna rewrite my memories of this month!
It seems quite often that around my birthday, something majorly craptastic happens and I can't enjoy what is supposed to be a special day.
In '94, my fiance of 6 years moved across the country without even saying goodbye. I sat in a trance for almost 3 days then hauled myself back to college where - lo and behold - I met my alcoholic hubby to be.
In '03, the day before my birthday my now ex served me with divorce papers. Nice timing.
And now August is coming back around again and I am feeling very anxious and stressed. I just hate August - it is so full of bad memories. My so-called soulmate leaving me forever - divorce papers - school crap....
I feel things in my head starting to tighten up and I really don't like that.
I want to make August really memorable in a good way this year. I need some ideas. Something a little bigger than having a spa day and something smaller than shaving my head. Ideas??? I wanna rewrite my memories of this month!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
PS,
My birthday is in August, too, and I also have a track record of crappy birthdays. I had a guy in college break up with me on my birthday (lol, after taking me bowling for my birthday!), and another year my mom went into the hospital for surgery for a stress fracture due to her cancer, had a respiratory emergency, and went into the hospital where she remained on a ventilator for months before she died. I also had the last guy I lived with ruin a few birthdays.
OTOH, I have had GREAT birthdays the past few years. Here's what I've done: not expected a darned thing from anybody else, and just planned something that would make ME happy. Not sure yet what I will do this year, but I have a friend who wants to do something with me. Maybe we will go up to NYC and spend the day at a museum and have a nice dinner or something. And if she can't make it for some reason, I will go by myself.
I spent a lot of my life being disappointed in holidays, birthdays, etc., all because I was counting on other people to behave in certain ways. When I do what *I* want to do, then it's always a pleasant surprise if someone else does something special for me, but I don't feel sorry for myself if they don't.
My birthday is in August, too, and I also have a track record of crappy birthdays. I had a guy in college break up with me on my birthday (lol, after taking me bowling for my birthday!), and another year my mom went into the hospital for surgery for a stress fracture due to her cancer, had a respiratory emergency, and went into the hospital where she remained on a ventilator for months before she died. I also had the last guy I lived with ruin a few birthdays.
OTOH, I have had GREAT birthdays the past few years. Here's what I've done: not expected a darned thing from anybody else, and just planned something that would make ME happy. Not sure yet what I will do this year, but I have a friend who wants to do something with me. Maybe we will go up to NYC and spend the day at a museum and have a nice dinner or something. And if she can't make it for some reason, I will go by myself.
I spent a lot of my life being disappointed in holidays, birthdays, etc., all because I was counting on other people to behave in certain ways. When I do what *I* want to do, then it's always a pleasant surprise if someone else does something special for me, but I don't feel sorry for myself if they don't.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 626
The question I ask myself in situations like this is "What would a good day look like?" I try to get pretty specific, but without anyone else in the mix. So without expectations (either good or bad) I set about doing those things that would make me happy. If others want to join in, then great!
I just went to a friend's birthday BBQ that she threw for herself and instead of gifts, she requested dog and cat food to be donated to the local animal shelter! Now there's a birthday party I could get behind :-)
I just went to a friend's birthday BBQ that she threw for herself and instead of gifts, she requested dog and cat food to be donated to the local animal shelter! Now there's a birthday party I could get behind :-)
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
Yup, my birthdays were either none-events, or a card with a promise of a big gift, eg. ski weekend, theatre tickets etc. things that never, ever happened. I didn't want a big gift, I just wanted to feel appreciated, loved. It's hard to be sincere in your thanks for the promise of something you doubt will occur and then I would end up apologizing to his sad puppy expression for appearing ungrateful. Yeah, fun.
One of my best birthdays was when I accidently went into work at 5 pm for my part-time job and wasn't scheduled. I didn't go home. I got myself a coffee, and a magazine, and read it cover to cover, and wandered the mall in piece and quiet without a stroller and missed the craziness of supper, bath and bedtime of 3 under 5's and feeling hard done by over my none-gift. I was at peace for 4 hours, what a gift to me!
So I say yes, plan something you want to do, and do it!
One of my best birthdays was when I accidently went into work at 5 pm for my part-time job and wasn't scheduled. I didn't go home. I got myself a coffee, and a magazine, and read it cover to cover, and wandered the mall in piece and quiet without a stroller and missed the craziness of supper, bath and bedtime of 3 under 5's and feeling hard done by over my none-gift. I was at peace for 4 hours, what a gift to me!
So I say yes, plan something you want to do, and do it!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
I think you should follow Lexie's example and take yourself out on a date. Dinner and a movie maybe. I think mine would be a day at the beach and pizza on the boardwalk. Or maybe hit a bunch of antique shops. Go for a long bike ride in the country. Perhaps a pint of Hagen-Daz and a good DVD. Try something you haven't done before or haven't done in a long time, yoga or maybe a kickboxing class or your first sky dive lesson. Do a day trip to someplace that you haven't visited for a while or perhaps never have been to.
The possibilities are endless. Open yourself up to possibilities and enjoy yourself.
((((hugs))))
Your friend,
The possibilities are endless. Open yourself up to possibilities and enjoy yourself.
((((hugs))))
Your friend,
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
on my last birthday I cancelled going out at the last minute, turned the phone off, ordered a take-away, had a long bath and went to bed early. which was precisely what I wanted to do. Is this the stuff that great memoirs are made of? no, but it is the stuff of great memories. And that is the point, I am not living my life so that others can go "wow, she's really got it together and is living well" and I had some friends and family feeling sorry for me that this was the best that I could come up with and offering to swoop in and take me out (thinking that I was lying saying I had cancelled plans!) but what I needed that day was sleep, so I got it. That was a precious birthday - I did exactly what I wanted, no matter what anyone else thought. And it sure beat the hell out of previous birthdays where I was exhausted and had an ex passing out on the floor and expended effort pretending to my folks on the phone that we had something fancy planned (how funny that they never thought I was lying then!).
What do you like to do? Spa days aren't really my thing, although I've done them I am easily bored. Next year my mum wants to throw me a party (partly I think in response to last year) - I don't like parties, and no-one I know will be within driving distance, and I'll have the kids to look after, so a party full of people I don't know whilst I supervise children: so not my thing.
so I have said instead we can go for a family pub-lunch in the country somewhere, if my brother's family are able to come - great, if not, I'll go with my mum, or just take the kids and then I want to go and potter round some thrift and book shops and a garden centre and go for a coffee ON MY OWN (I am never able to "potter" around anywhere with the children).
I'll probably also go out with some friends for drinks IF I am not exhausted.
I like going to the theatre or opera, I like sitting in the car with a flask of coffee on a blustery day watching the coast. So what do you like to do?
I am a terrible worrier, and I waste a lot of my life feeling terrible waiting for things to happen, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't - but the worrying just ruins the whole run up, it doesn't help me at all. SO one fof the things I have to continually remind myself to do is to make a decision that no matter what happens to other people, what decisions they make I won't let it ruin my day let alone more than a month of every year. Perhaps accept that those two incidents were very traumatic, and I'm sure there are other things that happened in the decade inbetween and the near decade since around this time, but things happen, and they were nothing to do with your actual birthday, or with "august".
Come on then - what are your favorite things to do??
What do you like to do? Spa days aren't really my thing, although I've done them I am easily bored. Next year my mum wants to throw me a party (partly I think in response to last year) - I don't like parties, and no-one I know will be within driving distance, and I'll have the kids to look after, so a party full of people I don't know whilst I supervise children: so not my thing.
so I have said instead we can go for a family pub-lunch in the country somewhere, if my brother's family are able to come - great, if not, I'll go with my mum, or just take the kids and then I want to go and potter round some thrift and book shops and a garden centre and go for a coffee ON MY OWN (I am never able to "potter" around anywhere with the children).
I'll probably also go out with some friends for drinks IF I am not exhausted.
I like going to the theatre or opera, I like sitting in the car with a flask of coffee on a blustery day watching the coast. So what do you like to do?
I am a terrible worrier, and I waste a lot of my life feeling terrible waiting for things to happen, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't - but the worrying just ruins the whole run up, it doesn't help me at all. SO one fof the things I have to continually remind myself to do is to make a decision that no matter what happens to other people, what decisions they make I won't let it ruin my day let alone more than a month of every year. Perhaps accept that those two incidents were very traumatic, and I'm sure there are other things that happened in the decade inbetween and the near decade since around this time, but things happen, and they were nothing to do with your actual birthday, or with "august".
Come on then - what are your favorite things to do??
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Well, if you're trying to turn the tide on the whole month in terms of your memories, how about:
A daily walk, listening to a positive spiritual podcast
A trip somewhere? Nothing huge or fancy, but some destination you could drive to on a long weekend. I don't know where you iive, but I live in Jersey and I'm thinking like a drive to a quaint town in New England where there are shops and galleries. There's nothing like a trip to "reset" your sensory perceptions.. I travel a lot on business and that's one thing I love about traveling.
Practice gratitude. If you tend to be gun-shy of the month because of the past--think of reasons to be grateful it's August.
Give yourself a bunch of flowers every week.
Reach out to your healthy friends and go out for a casual lunch or happy hour.
Go to an amusement park and act like a kid.
I agree with the others--plan your own party and you'll be less likely to be disappointed!
A daily walk, listening to a positive spiritual podcast
A trip somewhere? Nothing huge or fancy, but some destination you could drive to on a long weekend. I don't know where you iive, but I live in Jersey and I'm thinking like a drive to a quaint town in New England where there are shops and galleries. There's nothing like a trip to "reset" your sensory perceptions.. I travel a lot on business and that's one thing I love about traveling.
Practice gratitude. If you tend to be gun-shy of the month because of the past--think of reasons to be grateful it's August.
Give yourself a bunch of flowers every week.
Reach out to your healthy friends and go out for a casual lunch or happy hour.
Go to an amusement park and act like a kid.
I agree with the others--plan your own party and you'll be less likely to be disappointed!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 696
When all else fails...Find the "Chipendales" schedule to the town nearest you...
Have a all girls slumber party & enduldge yourself in pizza & chocolates...
Get some girls together, wear prom dresses out to dinner....
Which you can purchase at the second hand stores or yard sales cheap
If you can afford, hire the limo.....
Funny how stupid little "months or day" can set our triggers, I understand...
Have a all girls slumber party & enduldge yourself in pizza & chocolates...
Get some girls together, wear prom dresses out to dinner....
Which you can purchase at the second hand stores or yard sales cheap
If you can afford, hire the limo.....
Funny how stupid little "months or day" can set our triggers, I understand...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
last year for my 50th birthday I wanted something big...but I knew neither my AH or my kids would plan something. That was okay. So I bought myself extravagant that I always wanted and had promised myself. I usually have buyers remorse after major purchases. Not this time. Every time I look at my gift it makes me smile and reminds me of how I deserve it and I am taking care of me!
I also had many mini celebrations for like 2 weeks. I kept thinking that I would not focus on that one day.
I went out with friends for breakfast, lunch , dinner, drinks, movies.
I also like to go away so finding a place about an hour away and visiting some landmark even if it by myself is fun. Little shops, gardens, zoo, museum.
I also usually take the day off from work. Its my special day.
I also had many mini celebrations for like 2 weeks. I kept thinking that I would not focus on that one day.
I went out with friends for breakfast, lunch , dinner, drinks, movies.
I also like to go away so finding a place about an hour away and visiting some landmark even if it by myself is fun. Little shops, gardens, zoo, museum.
I also usually take the day off from work. Its my special day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I too had a month like you describe (not my birthday month, though) and here's what I did.
I quit thinking about it in a negative way. My so-called soul mate also walked out of my life without a word, leaving me sitting on tickets to a music festival and two confused little girls. We went anyway. It was fun, regardless. And him leaving me like that propelled me into the next chapter of my life...had he not done what he did, I would have probably stayed in that place for longer, and that was not the path I was supposed to be on. I still have the memories, but they no longer hold the emotions anymore. I am grateful instead of being sad or anxious.
I left my current husband last summer for the first time. He promised to stop drinking...we moved back in...he did stop drinking for some time because he started smoking pot instead. *SIGH* But I found Al-Anon that month, and began my own journey of recovery. Here I sit one year later and I am grateful for the experiences, no matter how painful. I've learned a lot about myself that I may not have learned any other way.
To me, it is more that creating good memories to replace the bad in August. It is embracing the bad memories and finding the good in them instead. Then they stop haunting you, regardless of what month it is.
I quit thinking about it in a negative way. My so-called soul mate also walked out of my life without a word, leaving me sitting on tickets to a music festival and two confused little girls. We went anyway. It was fun, regardless. And him leaving me like that propelled me into the next chapter of my life...had he not done what he did, I would have probably stayed in that place for longer, and that was not the path I was supposed to be on. I still have the memories, but they no longer hold the emotions anymore. I am grateful instead of being sad or anxious.
I left my current husband last summer for the first time. He promised to stop drinking...we moved back in...he did stop drinking for some time because he started smoking pot instead. *SIGH* But I found Al-Anon that month, and began my own journey of recovery. Here I sit one year later and I am grateful for the experiences, no matter how painful. I've learned a lot about myself that I may not have learned any other way.
To me, it is more that creating good memories to replace the bad in August. It is embracing the bad memories and finding the good in them instead. Then they stop haunting you, regardless of what month it is.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Purplesquirrel-
Thanks for this thread as my birthday is not until November but it is 11/11/11 and I am trying to come up with something to do for myself (a little tricky with my current life situation).
I got some great ideas and I hope you do to.
Thanks for this thread as my birthday is not until November but it is 11/11/11 and I am trying to come up with something to do for myself (a little tricky with my current life situation).
I got some great ideas and I hope you do to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
All great ideas - thanks.
I want to do something that has a long term payoff (as well as something more immediate like sushi and a movie) so I was thinking I might try and see if I can afford to keep up a membership at a place like Cardinal Fitness. I just walk and stuff, but I usually do it in a park. Which means during the summer when I always have the kids and during the winter when the weather is bad I don't get out much. This way - the payoff is long term....and I have deprived myself of an excuse not to.....
Any suggestions on some good self-improvement books to read? Already got Al-Anon books, Melody Beattie and some Iyanla Vanzant - any others? Sorta make a month long self-improvement project? Or something that would bring out my creative side?
I want to do something that has a long term payoff (as well as something more immediate like sushi and a movie) so I was thinking I might try and see if I can afford to keep up a membership at a place like Cardinal Fitness. I just walk and stuff, but I usually do it in a park. Which means during the summer when I always have the kids and during the winter when the weather is bad I don't get out much. This way - the payoff is long term....and I have deprived myself of an excuse not to.....
Any suggestions on some good self-improvement books to read? Already got Al-Anon books, Melody Beattie and some Iyanla Vanzant - any others? Sorta make a month long self-improvement project? Or something that would bring out my creative side?
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Originally Posted by BobbyJ 
When all else fails...Find the "Chipendales" schedule to the town nearest you...
Have a all girls slumber party & enduldge yourself in pizza & chocolates...
Get some girls together, wear prom dresses out to dinner....
Which you can purchase at the second hand stores or yard sales cheap
If you can afford, hire the limo.....
Funny how stupid little "months or day" can set our triggers, I understand...
Have a all girls slumber party & enduldge yourself in pizza & chocolates...
Get some girls together, wear prom dresses out to dinner....
Which you can purchase at the second hand stores or yard sales cheap
If you can afford, hire the limo.....
Funny how stupid little "months or day" can set our triggers, I understand...
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Originally Posted by PurpleSquirrel
All great ideas - thanks.
I want to do something that has a long term payoff (as well as something more immediate like sushi and a movie) so I was thinking I might try and see if I can afford to keep up a membership at a place like Cardinal Fitness. I just walk and stuff, but I usually do it in a park. Which means during the summer when I always have the kids and during the winter when the weather is bad I don't get out much. This way - the payoff is long term....and I have deprived myself of an excuse not to.....
Any suggestions on some good self-improvement books to read? Already got Al-Anon books, Melody Beattie and some Iyanla Vanzant - any others? Sorta make a month long self-improvement project? Or something that would bring out my creative side?
I want to do something that has a long term payoff (as well as something more immediate like sushi and a movie) so I was thinking I might try and see if I can afford to keep up a membership at a place like Cardinal Fitness. I just walk and stuff, but I usually do it in a park. Which means during the summer when I always have the kids and during the winter when the weather is bad I don't get out much. This way - the payoff is long term....and I have deprived myself of an excuse not to.....
Any suggestions on some good self-improvement books to read? Already got Al-Anon books, Melody Beattie and some Iyanla Vanzant - any others? Sorta make a month long self-improvement project? Or something that would bring out my creative side?
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Cooking lessons?
Enjoy whatever you do! remember you don't "have to" anything.
You don't have to demonstrate anything.
You don't have to feel something different from what you feel.
Give yourself compassion I have given it to myself lately and its a great gift.
Thumper wear very warm clothing for your skydive, it started freezing at a certain height. You'll be yelling what seems like an eternity but after the parachute opens (and the pull of it is over) you'll feel nothing! you'll just feel like floating, enjoying the incredible view and silence above... and landing is nothing major either...the Tandem instructor make it very very soft...
Enjoy whatever you do! remember you don't "have to" anything.
You don't have to demonstrate anything.
You don't have to feel something different from what you feel.
Give yourself compassion
I have given it to myself lately and its a great gift.Thumper wear very warm clothing for your skydive, it started freezing at a certain height. You'll be yelling what seems like an eternity but after the parachute opens (and the pull of it is over) you'll feel nothing! you'll just feel like floating, enjoying the incredible view and silence above... and landing is nothing major either...the Tandem instructor make it very very soft...
My ankles are already a mess.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by PurpleSquirrel
Any suggestions on some good self-improvement books to read? Already got Al-Anon books, Melody Beattie and some Iyanla Vanzant - any others? Sorta make a month long self-improvement project? Or something that would bring out my creative side?
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