While I know I'm healing, but I definitely have a ways to go.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
While I know I'm healing, but I definitely have a ways to go.
How do I know this? It's because my neighbor across the hall, a single guy, had his stereo turned up loudly yesterday afternoon. Couldn't hear it in the apartment, but if I stepped outside I could. It was loud enough that it made my blood pressure rise, and I got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
That was the first time I've gone "whoa, so THAT'S how badly it affected me".
Otherwise, it's going. I've had to start turning my phone to silent at night, I was tired of being woken up to drunken angry texts from STBX, or kept awake by them(one night the phone went off just as I was drifting off to sleep, which again made my blood pressure rise and kept me up for another 90 minutes, I had to take a benadryl to finally go to sleep)
He refuses to switch his military pay out of the joint checking account, and I can't close that account without a paper signed by him, and I can't remove myself from the account either, so I'm screwed as far as any government help this month, because he was on duty with the reserves most of the month. Since it's joint, I was told by the worker that I should have drained the account every time a deposit was made, even though I had no idea that 2 of the 3 deposits were even made until days later, after the money was already gone. Yeah right..and suffer the wrath my doing that would have caused? My state isn't one that has "back doors" for benefits for DV victims like some other states,but I did get a referral to the big food pantry, so we're good now.
Oh yeah, and he hacked my Facebook! Yep, so it's now deactivated, and I deleted all of the friends from it(before deactivating it that is) Plus, in order for it to be accessed from another computer, a code that would be sent only to my cell phone would need to be used. Once I am back online and have a computer(I'm at my sister's right now) I'll fix it, or probably just make a new Facebook.
As I said in another thread, the two younger kids have so far handled it all quite well. A lot of behavior problems I was having with them at the house I don't have any more at the apartment.
That was the first time I've gone "whoa, so THAT'S how badly it affected me".
Otherwise, it's going. I've had to start turning my phone to silent at night, I was tired of being woken up to drunken angry texts from STBX, or kept awake by them(one night the phone went off just as I was drifting off to sleep, which again made my blood pressure rise and kept me up for another 90 minutes, I had to take a benadryl to finally go to sleep)
He refuses to switch his military pay out of the joint checking account, and I can't close that account without a paper signed by him, and I can't remove myself from the account either, so I'm screwed as far as any government help this month, because he was on duty with the reserves most of the month. Since it's joint, I was told by the worker that I should have drained the account every time a deposit was made, even though I had no idea that 2 of the 3 deposits were even made until days later, after the money was already gone. Yeah right..and suffer the wrath my doing that would have caused? My state isn't one that has "back doors" for benefits for DV victims like some other states,but I did get a referral to the big food pantry, so we're good now.
Oh yeah, and he hacked my Facebook! Yep, so it's now deactivated, and I deleted all of the friends from it(before deactivating it that is) Plus, in order for it to be accessed from another computer, a code that would be sent only to my cell phone would need to be used. Once I am back online and have a computer(I'm at my sister's right now) I'll fix it, or probably just make a new Facebook.
As I said in another thread, the two younger kids have so far handled it all quite well. A lot of behavior problems I was having with them at the house I don't have any more at the apartment.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
The bank and other account people were usually very nice when I told them what was going on. My XAH got kindof nasty and cleaned out my bank acct. He surprized me with how nasty he got. I got on the phone and closed everything my name was on or explained to them what was going on. My lawyer legally put in writing what we were each responsible for. We argued back and forth between lawyers a little but it ended up fair.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: carolina girl
Posts: 578
Ah, the joys of apartment living! Hearing other people's music, television, fights, etc. Sometimes the walls are paper thin...
Glad to hear you are still truckin on that road to recovery, keep on keepin on girl...
Glad to hear you are still truckin on that road to recovery, keep on keepin on girl...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Ah ha..he lied about him needing to sign something to close the account, I closed it myself on Wednesday(I opened the account by myself, and added him later on, so that's why I was able to close it myself) Of course, he then ranted about that during his drunken texting on Thursday night, how I must have "forged" his signature. So, I will now qualify for food stamps for August. Hopefully I will be working full time in September, so I will only need the help for a short time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Pixilation,
Have you contacted any military social services?
You are entitled to benefits, as are your children.
Directly debit his military pay. Use the commissary.
Get health care.
All without his signature, approval or say-so.
Talk to Judge Advocate Generals office. They will have any information you need about separation and divorce, and your rights.
Beth
Have you contacted any military social services?
You are entitled to benefits, as are your children.
Directly debit his military pay. Use the commissary.
Get health care.
All without his signature, approval or say-so.
Talk to Judge Advocate Generals office. They will have any information you need about separation and divorce, and your rights.
Beth
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Have you contacted any military social services?
You are entitled to benefits, as are your children.
Directly debit his military pay. Use the commissary.
Get health care.
All without his signature, approval or say-so.
Talk to Judge Advocate Generals office. They will have any information you need about separation and divorce, and your rights.
Beth
You are entitled to benefits, as are your children.
Directly debit his military pay. Use the commissary.
Get health care.
All without his signature, approval or say-so.
Talk to Judge Advocate Generals office. They will have any information you need about separation and divorce, and your rights.
Beth
And, if your attorney puts it in your divorce petition 'asking' for continued Military 'Dependent' Identification cards for you and your children and the Judge orders that in the divorce the Fed Government usually 'honors' the order, which will allow you and/or the children on bases to shop at the Commissary and/or PX (I know I am dating myself, lol not even sure the bases still have 'commissaries and not just PX's now where everything from groceries to clothing is available, lol). My 'dependent' ID from my first husband is still 'active' 35 years after our divorce and 12 years after his death as it was ordered by the original Divorce Judge. My adult children all still have their 'dependent ID's' these many years later, and yes when they are near a 'large' base, like Nellis, Fort Bliss, Wright Patterson, etc they USE them and save lots of $$$$ when shopping for groceries and/or necessities.
The JAG office will make sure that you and the children get EVERYTHING that you are entitled to as 'dependents' of current Military Personnel or of 'Retired' Career Military Personnel and he will have no say at all.
J M H O
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 143
The children will have ID card regardless if the divorced mother does. Until they are 21 years of age (23 if full time students) they will have the BX, commissary, AND medical benefits. The military parent does need to enroll them in DEERS on the base for the continuation of the benefits and the mother can use the shopping services through the children, if she does not have the privileges herself. Ft Bliss and Nellis both have great commissaries. I use Nellis now as do my children, though my situation is a bit different as a widow.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Oh, he's reserves right now, which is an entirely different thing to deal with than active duty. I so wish he were still active duty, it would make this all easier I'm sure.
His regular civilian job, the union turned down the contract, so as of Monday, all 1300 employees are on lock out. Basically, he'll be living off of his disability pay until a contract is approved.
His regular civilian job, the union turned down the contract, so as of Monday, all 1300 employees are on lock out. Basically, he'll be living off of his disability pay until a contract is approved.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
