Jessicajaye13

My life is so crazy right now and I'm losing all control by the minute. I am so stressed out that I literally googled heart attack from stress. That is what I feel like is about to happen. I can't handle my life anymore!

My dad is a lifetime alcoholic. This time when he was on a three week binge drink I swore I wasn't going to bail him out. But when I went to check on him and he was so drunk he couldnt move and had been laying in his own feces for a week I broke down and called an ambulance. He is now in ICU to treat high blood sugar with diabetes and his infection. The doctors said he will be coming home in a day and his house is so nasty I wouldn't let a rat live there. I was convinced I was going to let him clean it to see the results of his actions. But he is so sick that environment would kill him. I checked cleaning services but for the mess it would start at 1500 and we don't have that kind of money. So I have to go clean it tomorrow by myself. Then he has to live at my house for a few days Bc he won't be able to care for himself.

On top of all that my live in boyfriend seems to be an alcoholic in training. He seems to drink at least a little bit every day and alot most nights. He ditches me every chance he gets to go out with his friends. Even living the situation of seeing my dad so far gone and how it kills me, he still comes home ********* all the time. He's a 34 year old waiter with no ambition. He has no responsibility whatsoever. He won't even feed his own dog. And he never holds me touches me or anything else anymore.

I just graduated from college with a bachelors in business and am ready to go on to get my masters. However I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of taking care of my father when he brings it on himself. And I know my boyfriends a loser but I can't kick him out bc I can't afford the bills on my own.

I just want to get to Austin where my grad school is. I want to start living life for me and not having to take care of everyone else's damn problems. But of course I can't afford it. I even researched getting a sugar daddy just to get enough money to get away from everything. I just can't do it anymore my stress levels have hit breaking point.

BobbyJ

1- Get a student loan, you can use some of the money to help you move & get set up.

2- Check craigslist or post on the bullentin boards at the school to see if anyone is going that way, maybe you can catch a ride

3- Call the school counselors, they should have some good ideas


You dont need to clean nothing!!!
Your father is an adult. Call Health & Welfare Dept and speak to his doctor in private & explain to him the filthy situation, maybe he can suggest something new.
Unless, your name is Cinderella, I would NOT do it!!!

Boyfriend, who is drinking & lazy...Tell him not to let the door hit him in the rear on his way out the door....End of story...Put your big girl panties on...

They sound very toxic, inside and out...HOLY CRAP GIRL....You deserve way better!!!

GO....FLY....and leave them 2 grown men to fend for their themselves and lay in their own feces!! (Barf)

GO....FLY....GET YOUR EDUCATION!!!! and LEARN TO LOVE LIFE!!!!

YOU DESERVE IT!!!....Remember, if theres a will, theres a way....

Call that school first thing in the morning!!!
(Keyword) Student Loans & Scholarships!

It is their choice to lay around in rat crap...It is your choice to RUN LIKE HELL!!

Go Get Your Masters!!! ((( YOU ARE WORTH IT )))

Tuffgirl

Welcome, jessicajaye13. I don't think I can say it any better than BobbyJ.

There are options for grad school. Do speak with your counselors. I was amazed at how much support there was and I took full advantage of it. Was worth it!
~T

TakingCharge999

Hi Jessica!

No you don't HAVE to do anything. Everything is a choice...

Do you have any extended family that would lend you $$ or let you live with them for a while? or with close friends? church?

Alanon meetings help and are free, also you can meet great people with more ideas...


My dad lived in Austin and I spent there some months, its wonderful! a very healthy atmosphere... all the best in your masters degree!

Also if you got faith, ask for what you need and it will be given.

LexieCat

I agree with what everyone else posted.

Calling 911 was an act of pure humanity, you were not "bailing him out". BUT, cleaning the apartment for him is another story. I agree, call adult protective services and see if they can help.

Sticking with your alcoholic b/f is a lousy way to pay your bills. The emotional and physical cost will be WAY more than the money is worth. You got lots of good suggestions here, especially from Bobby.

Get free, you can do it. And for emotional support, I strongly suggest hooking up with Al-Anon. The support is there for you now, and will be there for you in Austin when you decide to reclaim your own future.

Lynzi

Halleluyah kid READ AND TAKE THE ADVICE ON THE ABOVE POSTS!!!!
This is a turning point for you and you will look back in a few months and years and thank GOD for this fantastic and helpful and totally brilliant advice.
When you go ahead and do this you will actually feel the sense of how much better it feels to go into that positive direction by yourself and be able to pat yourself on the back for doing it all by yourself!!!
I left a crappy Family behind and they never changed or EVER helped me so you go girl you are going to have a brilliant and successful future as you have seen with your own eyes the horrible alternative!
Do yourself a favor realize you are only being a door matt and sinking into what you are used to if you carry on ** Dead beat dad dead beat boyfriend??? who puts up with that???
Self respect dignity head held high pack a bag get on a Greyhound bus to where you need to be and make it happen do not look back sweety EVER
Always here if you need advice I jumped on a plane from the UK to the US many years ago ALONE best decision I ever made.. ;-} it will fall into place I promise xxxx

Lynzi

PS when you get off that Greyhound in Austin TX go to the nearest Church and speak to the Minister they will direct you I promise I did this in Michigan and came out of the morning service having met a fantastic Scottish Lady called Charlotte and I stayed with her and her Family for 6 months went on to get a job my own apartment then met a great guy we didnt stay together forever but so what!!! I got my own transport went to school part time and that continued and I have never been homeless or in a bad situation since dont get me wrong it hasnt been perfect but making a stand for yourself and striving for better is what it takes...wishing you the best ;-}

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.

When I first realized I was going crazy dealing with the drama caused by addiction, I learned a valuable tool that helped me seperate where my stuff ends and your stuff begins.
It's called the 3 c's:

I did not Cause it
I can not Control it
I will not Cure it

My own mother was a slob. Couldn't put anything away. Piles in every room, and on every surface in her kitchen, dining room, etc. I would spend hours each visit cleaning and organizing. I grew to resent every minute. I would give her helpful tips on getting organized, show her how to arrange items, gave her health information and safety lectures (she was an RN), but to no avail. Each time I returned, it was a disaster.

I finally got with my siblings and we decided to find a housekeeper (we all lived at least 200 miles away). We spoke with mom and told her we wanted to help her with the financial arrangement. Her feelings were a bit hurt, but she grew to love the lady that helped her and enjoyed bragging rights of having hired help.

(To clarify, my mom was not an alcoholic. She didn't drink.) She was not ever able to see the filth as filth. No matter how many times or ways I tried to explain it, or my siblings spoke up about it. There was no reasoning with her. Just as there is no reasoning with your alcoholic dad.

The more we expect resonable, responsible behavior from unreasonable personalities, the more frustrated and unhealthy we become.

We have a saying here: You are going to the hardware store and looking for fresh bread.
The results are frustrating.

Alanon helped me regain my focus and direction. I am learning to take care of the only life I have control over: Mine. I have fewer anxiety attacks, I have lessened my ulcer outbreaks, I have lowered my blood pressure, and I am learning to love myself.

Here are some steps I followed to help me while dealing with the alcoholic in my life:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

skippernlilg

JJ13,

Welcome!

I too am an ACOA, which is an acronym for Adult Child of an Alcoholic. In the past year, I realized my live-in boyfriend was also an alcoholic. How shocking it was to me that I let myself get drawn into that kind of situation. I guess I thought lightning doesn't strike twice. After having received more education on this, I found out I was actually more, not less, likely to have an alcoholic boyfriend or husband *because* I lived with an alcoholic parent for so long.

Wow, what an eye-opener for me.

And just so you know, your post title really drew me in, since I have had serious heart problems recently. I wasn't sure if it was stress-induced or not, but the stress sure hasn't helped. It turns out, I was born with Congenital Heart Disease, with a big hole in my ventricular septum. After further investigation, it appears my parents both drank and smoked the entire time my mom was pregnant with me.

Go figure. Just a side note: back then, doctors didn't know about giving prenatal care that included drug and alcohol counseling.

So, back to you. I love the advice you've received so far. I know you can do this. You can achieve your goals. I, too, have returned to school and have taken full advantage of grants, scholarships, and loans in order to complete school. Sure, it's tight, but it's worth it. The peace of mind since I've separated from my ABF and no contact with the alcoholic 'parent' in my life is priceless. I can focus on school. I made a 3.71 last semester and I am making a 4.0 this semester.

Help from Al-anon, this board, daily devotionals in "Courage to Change", and reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie have gotten me to this point. I plan to increase my reading and learning every day.

Jessicajaye13

Y'all are all so wonderful! Thank you so much for your kind words and taking time to help me. Well once my dad got to hospital he ended up in ICU from a number of things. My sister also ended up coming to Waco to check on him. She by the way is wonderful and would help me more but has a two year old. She was torn to pieces seeing my father this way and begged me to help him this one last time. And because I love my sister and nephew dearly I agreed. I got a face mask and a lot of clorox and cleaned my dads house so he can live safely when he is out of the hospital. And of course he is begging me to help him for a little while after that. I told him I would this last time and laid down serious boundaries.

My sister is greatful.

As for the bf he is still being an ass and I'm more upset everyday. He's even been calling his ex right in front of me.

So I've decided as soon as dad is healthy I'm packing my **** putting it in storage and staying on a friends couch in Austin till I can go it alone!

LexieCat

Sounds like a a plan. When you say "as soon as dad is healthy," I hope you mean out of immediate danger. If he continues to drink he will NEVER be "healthy" again. Just keep that thought in the back of your mind, and think about where you will draw that particular limit. It would be very easy, if you don't, to become his full-time caretaker for the rest of his life, going from health crisis to health crisis.

I hope you are able to go couch-surfing in Austin, soon!