Help..im trying to help my hubby
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: PG County MD
Posts: 1
Help..im trying to help my hubby
I'm new here-please bear with me..my hubby has given up the hard liquor (thank GOD)-now he drinks his beers from thurs nite until mid morning fridays(our off days)-and from evening saturdays until evening sundays; its to the point last weekend he fell asleep outside on da porch & i left him there..im tired of not being able to take him around family & friends who havent met him-he is embarassing to me & i dont want my folks to whip on him because of his mouth..what do i do?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
"Thank God" he gave up the hard liquor? Alcohol is alcohol, and drunk is drunk--is there something noticeably "better" about getting drunk on beer instead?
This doesn't sound like a very pleasant life for you.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but there is relatively little you can do to "help" your husband unless he had decided he wants help. You haven't given any indication that he sees anything wrong with his life.
But, since YOU are unhappy, the solution is to make your own life better. I strongly suggest you start attending Al-Anon. You may not be able to make him quit drinking, but there is a lot you can do for yourself. Posting here is a good first step. Stick around, there is a lot of wisdom on these forums.
This doesn't sound like a very pleasant life for you.
I'm sorry to tell you this, but there is relatively little you can do to "help" your husband unless he had decided he wants help. You haven't given any indication that he sees anything wrong with his life.
But, since YOU are unhappy, the solution is to make your own life better. I strongly suggest you start attending Al-Anon. You may not be able to make him quit drinking, but there is a lot you can do for yourself. Posting here is a good first step. Stick around, there is a lot of wisdom on these forums.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
da1wifey,
Welcome to SoberRecovery. This is a great forum, full of support, guidance, and a swift kick every once in awhile.
You want your husband to be whole.
You want your husband to be happy.
You want your husband to be a partner in the truest sense of the word.
You want to be proud of him.
You want him to pull his weight - in all ways.
You want him to be healthy, and stay married to him for the rest of your life.
That's what you wish to help him with.
Unfortunately, I don't believe you are that powerful.
Every one of those things I listed are in jeopardy as long as he drinks compulsively. And he does.
Keep comin back
Welcome to SoberRecovery. This is a great forum, full of support, guidance, and a swift kick every once in awhile.
You want your husband to be whole.
You want your husband to be happy.
You want your husband to be a partner in the truest sense of the word.
You want to be proud of him.
You want him to pull his weight - in all ways.
You want him to be healthy, and stay married to him for the rest of your life.
That's what you wish to help him with.
Unfortunately, I don't believe you are that powerful.
Every one of those things I listed are in jeopardy as long as he drinks compulsively. And he does.
Keep comin back
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: INDIANA
Posts: 39
about two years ago I was despirate to help my husband. I tried everything I could think of. I asked friends and family to try and help. Nothing worked.
Finally his boss forced him into treatment and I was told to go to Al-Anon.I thought that Al-Anon was going to tell me what to do fix him, how to help him and how to make him not drink. They didn't. Turned out Al-Anon was all about me. It has been a tremendous help to me.
He has to choose to help himself. But Al-anon is a place for people who care about an alcoholic to find expierence, strength and hope for themselves.
if you decide to give it a try, check out a couple different meetings before you decide if it's for you.
Best Wishes,
Amanda
Finally his boss forced him into treatment and I was told to go to Al-Anon.I thought that Al-Anon was going to tell me what to do fix him, how to help him and how to make him not drink. They didn't. Turned out Al-Anon was all about me. It has been a tremendous help to me.
He has to choose to help himself. But Al-anon is a place for people who care about an alcoholic to find expierence, strength and hope for themselves.
if you decide to give it a try, check out a couple different meetings before you decide if it's for you.
Best Wishes,
Amanda
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 43
Welcome to SR da1wifey
You are experiencing many of the same problems most people on this forum have experienced. Right now, alcohol is in control of your husband’s life and his choices - that is what makes it an addiction. It is something those around him cannot change, only he can do that and only when he is ready to make that change. It is that powerful - and we learn we are that powerless to stop it. It is very different than a bad habit, like leaving socks on the floor, that might be changed with a little encouragement - alcoholism operates with an entirely different set of rules.
My AH only drank beer for many years in large quantities - and then switched to hard liquor only when began tried to conceal his drinking. It is a misconception that alcoholics only drink hard liquor. One form of alcohol is just as destructive and addictive as the other.
You have come to a great place with that will provide you with so much knowledge and information about the difficult situation you are facing. Keep reading and coming back, you will learn so much.
You are experiencing many of the same problems most people on this forum have experienced. Right now, alcohol is in control of your husband’s life and his choices - that is what makes it an addiction. It is something those around him cannot change, only he can do that and only when he is ready to make that change. It is that powerful - and we learn we are that powerless to stop it. It is very different than a bad habit, like leaving socks on the floor, that might be changed with a little encouragement - alcoholism operates with an entirely different set of rules.
My AH only drank beer for many years in large quantities - and then switched to hard liquor only when began tried to conceal his drinking. It is a misconception that alcoholics only drink hard liquor. One form of alcohol is just as destructive and addictive as the other.
You have come to a great place with that will provide you with so much knowledge and information about the difficult situation you are facing. Keep reading and coming back, you will learn so much.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
da1wifey, welcome and ((((hugs))))
Al-anon is a life saver, please try it. It will give you the tools you need to get sane and healthy.
Also, the 3 c's are big around here.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
What you can do is take care of yourself.
what I do know is that I started to heal when I gave up trying to fix my wife and assuming responsibility for her. I will only be responsible for my thoughts, words and actions. Once I had the tools that al-anon provides and began to use them the quality of my life went way up.
Your friend,
Al-anon is a life saver, please try it. It will give you the tools you need to get sane and healthy.
Also, the 3 c's are big around here.
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it
You can't cure it.
What you can do is take care of yourself.
what I do know is that I started to heal when I gave up trying to fix my wife and assuming responsibility for her. I will only be responsible for my thoughts, words and actions. Once I had the tools that al-anon provides and began to use them the quality of my life went way up.
Your friend,
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home. Please read and post as much as needed. We are here to support you.
This is from a permanent post (sticky) at the top of the forum. It contains steps that helped me while living with alcoholism in my home:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please pull out the keyboard and make yourself at home. Please read and post as much as needed. We are here to support you.
This is from a permanent post (sticky) at the top of the forum. It contains steps that helped me while living with alcoholism in my home:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Skipper
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: South Texas, USA
Posts: 827
Hi! I love the thoughts that have been posted for you. The best way to help your situation is to help yourself.
I hope you take advantage of the great tools already set before you. One of the other things I have done in addition to what's mentioned here is pick up a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. That one really spoke to me about how much I was doing that I didn't have to. What a relief!
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