StarCat

I do agree that our choices are the only things we can control. That's an umbrella for a lot of categories, though.
And using the tight definition you're using, m1k3, our choices also aren't completely within our control - they're sort of a multiple choice. We are limited.

I can choose how to react to other people's choices.
I can choose what to eat based upon what I can afford and what is available.
I can choose my immediate environment based upon the choices available - outside in sweltering heat, inside in the air conditioning.
I can choose to adopt a second cat, from the cats currently searching for homes, from places that consider me an acceptable and responsible adult.
I can choose what to feed my cat, based upon the available options available in my area or available online, and hopefully considering what she'd actually like to eat, but as much as I think she'd enjoy it I can't give her triceratops for dinner today.

No choice is completely self-isolated. Everything has repercussions and things that can affect it, even if the decision is mine.

And choices really are multiple choice.
I can't choose to fly like a bird - I have to use an airplane, or catapult, or other such device.
I can't stay home and make a pound cake if I don't have any eggs - I have to either drive out and purchase them, or borrow them from a neighbor, or not make the cake.
I can't speak Greek - I don't know how, I have to learn it first.
I can't bring my fish back from the dead, and no matter what I learn I'll never be able to do so, but I can purchase a replacement fish, any kind of fish I can locate for sale.


So, m1k3, using your very tight filter, nothing is completely within my control.



The answer is no. Sidewalks don't hold in heat enough, which is great, because otherwise walking barefoot from the grass to the swimming pool this week would be a painful experience.
But you can fry an egg on a cymbal if it's been outside all day (I've seen it done).
You could also cook it on a nice section of road, too - black macadam gets terribly hot.

m1k3

Starcat, good response.

Actually in the course of this thread I have been waffling back and forth between how my reactions and my choices.

I have to agree with you that choices is overly broad also. i started with my reactions to what happens and I'm going back to it.

This have been a very interesting experience.

Your friend, if you so choose,

Serenity8

One of my favorite sayings, "life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you choose to react to it."

TakingCharge999

Aww... nothing, then????

We can decide if we want to live another day. We could decide not to, just quit.

RECF

Secret. YOU'RE IN CONTROL OF NOTHING AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT

lillamy

Actually, when I think about it, it's quite a freeing thought, isn't it?

I can't control how my AXH treats our children when they're with him. I can worry about it, but given that I can't control it, worrying about it seems like pretty much a gigantic waste of time, right?

I can't control what monkey wrench AXH is going to throw into my attempts at moving on with my life next time -- so why waste time worrying about that, either?

Basically, to me, accepting that I don't have control over most things means I can put them down, mentally & emotionally, instead of hauling them along as heavy burdens as I go through the day.

And then when the next sh*tstorm strikes (as it very well may), I've conserved that much more energy and I can focus on how I'm going to respond (respond, not react) in the best possible way (that, I have control over).

Not being in control is only scary if you feel like you're handing over control to someone destructive. If you're handing control over to your HP, it's not so scary. And if someone scary is likely to take control if you don't try as hard as you can to hang onto it? Maybe you could try to control the company you keep...

24Years

RECF that is way too broad a statement for me. It can't be possible. Maybe we all are looking at the word *control* in different ways at different moments.

We aren't puppets on a string so we definitely have plenty of control within ourselves; I believe we are merely defining what is within our control and what isn't.

I had what seemed to be a *freaky* thing happen to me when I found out (now 10 years ago, yeah!) that I had cancer. The lack of control I played in that (had no prior symptoms) messed with me for a time to the point that I would become anxious going to the doctor knowing I could find out it returned (while experiencing no symptoms).

I believe it helped me learn that, yes, there are things out of my control; and yes, there is plenty within my control. If I want to grow and continue a path of serenity and peace, I better be darn careful with the choices I make in those areas I have complete control. Cancer helped teach me that to which I am very greatful.

m1k3

This is going some very good places. And control varies, it another one of those darn shades of gray things.

I have no control over people, places and things. They are what they are.

I have some control over my choices. I can choose what to eat and wear and watch on TV and stuff like that within the boundaries of what is available to eat and wear and what happens to be on TV. So, some control

The only thing I can really control is how I react to the events (external and internal) in my life.

This has been really eye opening and fun.

Thank you everyone for playing. Please keep sharing, I have learned so much from everyone.

Your friend, if you so choose

Ogilve

I was going to say, I control my breathing when I run. However, when I lapse between runs, or if I'm distracted, I have to consciously focus on it with much greater energy than when I'm "in the moment."

As for my reactions, I can't control them on the internal side -- not yet; will I ever be there? I mean, when my kid is 30 minutes late I worry and can't not worry; when my best friend calls I feel glad and can't not feel glad. I can choose the outward behaviors that go along with the reactions, yes. That I am working on. Apparently I'm a slow learner.

I can and do totally control the amount of cauliflower I eat, which is none. Take that away and I'm a goner!

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Great thread and I FINALLY learned that I can only control ME!!!

m1k3

Lexie, I have been thinking on that all day. It's kind of like a zen loan.


Student: Master what is the meaning of the illusion of control.

Master: All your base are belong to us. HA HA HA HA HA.

LexieCat

FINALLY, the grasshopper gets it.

You have done well, grasshopper.

m1k3

Actually I do get it. I was journaling this morning and a lot of interesting insights popped out. What has finally dropped away is the feeling of 'apartness'.
I feel whole again and it has been a long while.

You are so right. All of your bases ARE belong to us.

Freedom1990

Isn't that a marvelous feeling?! You're doing great!

m1k3

You're right freedom, it is a great feeling.


Sneaky Lexie.

[bows deeply] Thank you Master. [passes gas loudly]

LexieCat

Gas is very zen.