wellnowwhat

A lot of people here are seeing someone for therapy. How do you choose a counsellor? What qualifications do you look for? Do you go to a social worker? Pyschologist? Is it one-on-one, or group (separate from Alanon)?
Thanks!!

LifeRecovery

I have done the following in my recovery (my own struggle with an eating disorder) and continued support with my relationship with a variety of A in my life.

I have seen three counselors in the past. Two were individual counselors and both allowed me to meet with them prior to us starting. It was kind of an introduction for us to see if we would match and what we both thought. I lucked out with both. I also see a counselor who specializes in couples work (I did marriage counseling for awhile with my ex). She did the same thing with us. I continue to see her occasionally.

I did group work for awhile, but now I do Al-Anon for working on my stuff with the A in my life.

I think qualifications are important, but also practical issues (like do they take my insurance) can make a difference. I also like to know their experience with what I am wanting to work on (my individual and my couples counselor can have drastically different views on the same scenario...neither is right/wrong....I have them in my life for different reasons).

I mean this when I say that it is the best money I have ever spent on myself. I hope you find the same thing.

Eight Ball

Earlier on in my marriage, my AH and I saw a couple of marriage guidance councilors due to our 'lack of communication skills' (when I was still in denial about the drinking). One was for 6 sessions the other quite a few years later was for 10 sessions. These turned out to be nothing more than a band aid solution as the drinking never stopped. It wasn't even about lack of communication as I have come to recognise as communication is a two way street. Marriage counseling is a complete waste of time with an alcoholic.

I have seen two therapists for my own issues in the past year. The first psychotherapist was organized through my local GP and I had about 6 sessions with him. I stopped going eventually, because i felt that he was just repeating himself and we weren't getting anywhere. He taught me some useful breathing exercises for my stress symptoms and we also discussed the cycle of abuse but he kept telling me to leave and I was mentally not ready to hear that or action it.

I knew that I still needed some therapy when my circumstances changed at home and things got worse for me and I wasn't coping. I researched and found a therapist who had some experience of working in the alcoholism field and this has made a huge difference. I have had about 8 sessions now and have recently left my AH of 23 years after realising that I was important, my health was important and I deserved better.

Although my therapist has no personal experience of alcoholism (that I am aware of) I still feel as though she has an awareness of what I go through married to an alcoholic and is certainly up on some of the alcoholism jargon such as denial, blame-shifting, projecting etc. This makes it much easier to have conversations with her.

I do recommend that you find someone who has some background of working with alcoholism. I really believe that it makes all the difference.

At the time I was looking, I just researched therapists who practiced in my area and where their personal expertise lay. I telephoned the local alcoholism community service and they also recommended therapists too. One of those therapist held group sessions at the community centre but it was at a time and day that I couldn't make which is a shame because I am sure that would have been useful. Sometimes doctors can be a good start.

Ogilve

I've been to counseling (individual) with a person who had a master's in social work. We've been through couples counseling with someone who had the same credentials (LSW or something).

I disagree that counseling is a waste of time with an alcoholic; at least for us it wasn't. Our counselor helped us in that I needed to clarify some of the things I'd done to hurt our relationship, and my partner needed to hear from a professional that he didn't argue/fight fair, and he also needed to learn how to listen (tendency was to hear my words and twist them around). Now, he is able to argue/disagree in a much more productive manner... when sober. And when we aren't talking about drinking. That is something that counseling hasn't addressed, but as far as the dynamics of respect, yes, it definitely helped our situation.

As for HOW we chose... my individual counselor was suggested to me by a friend who is a counselor. The one we saw for marriage counseling was my partner's counselor initially; when we decided to do counseling together, he wanted to use *his* counselor, and that was fine with me because I was fairly sure of what ANY counselor would say given our situation.

miamifella

I think that you want someone with training. I tend to trust psychologists more than social workers--but there are wonderful social workers out there.

A big factor is your connection. Go for a trial session and see how you connect with the person. All the degrees in the world are useless if you cannot relate to the therapist/counselor.

lillamy

I've tried and fired three counselor/therapists.
One was a psychiatrist, two were licensed professional counselors, one of them with a Ph.D. in counseling and one specializing in families with addiction problems.
Didn't click with any of them.

The counselor I'm seeing now was actually someone that AXH's therapist at rehab recommended we send our kids to. She knows addictions and she's a good fit for me. She's a licensed professional marriage counselor I think. But in Alaska, that means by default, you're a specialist on alcoholism.

I think it matters less what training someone has and more that you click with them.

Babyblue

Therapists and counselors vary by training, degrees, area of expertise. You can be a counselor in one specific field but don't have to have an MFT or MSW.

Master's in Social Work do receive a bit of psychology education as part of the degree so I wouldn't see them as 'less than'. If you have a specific diagnosis though, maybe an MFT, psychologist, psychiatrist would make more sense.

You can also be a drug counselor after certain certificate programs but their training is specifically geared towards drug & alcohol counseling (not marital, children, etc).

Like others said, it is about finding the best fit specific to the issues you want to work on.

fedup3

Do you know of anyone who has gone to a therapist who could recommend someone to you? I was glad when he turned out to have a PHD which meant he had more schooling. My friend who went through a terrible divorce recommended him to me and he specializes in addictions. He really understands what my life is like so I feel very comfortable with him.

wellnowwhat

Hi. Thank you for everyone who responded. I really appreciate your help.

No one I know is seeing someone, or admitting to it at this point. I do have a friend who had seen a counsellor who found it helpful. It was to do with a nervous breakdown, so I am not sure this person will be helpful for me, but it doesn't hurt to check it out. I like the idea of interviewing to assess the "fit". I should take at least as much time to find a counsellor as I did to find a bathing suit!

Some of the counsellors I encountered in passing so far are sooooo young and I think I would feel a little more comfortable with someone with the schooling and a little bit of life's experiences under their belt too.

I feel Alanon has helped to lesson the rage and bitterness and hopelessness that made me go up those steps the first time. And I've met some really healthy and helpful people there.

However, I just feel like I am in a rut right now.

I've been reading and reading and reading and checking this forum the last couple of days. What started as a quest for insight I think has turned into a distraction from actually moving forward, although I've had some really good "oh yeah, that's me" moments.

I feel like I am fooling myself to thinking I am doing something positive and concrete (reading & learning), when what I am doing is ducking into this site to avoid that very thing (distracting, isolating, immobile). Does this make sense?

Edit: Those last two comments sound negative to this Site. Far from it! I think because of the strong attraction to the Site, and the first few "Aha" moments, I wanted to keep learning and keep having those "aha" moments. But now I am overdoing it. Not reading a reasonable amount, digesting it, and then coming back for more. I am reading, and reading, with less comprehension, and an hour later looking for more up-dates and reading some more and avoiding my real world. Clearer?

TeM

That seems to be the case. My AW has been seeing a Psychiatrist for years, but he's primarily a sleep disorder specialist. She really just visits him to get her prescriptions renewed. She claims that he knows about her drinking and has no problem with it. I'm not sure I believe her, but it may be true if she's told him that she only drinks "moderately".

I think Eight Ball has a good point; it's probably best to find someone who has experience with alcoholism.

StarCat

I found an office near where I live that accepts my insurance, then called to ask for a therapist who had experience with alcoholism and abuse. His brother also does work similar to mine (different company), which is also a plus since sometimes I will refer to things from work and he can actually understand what I'm talking about because of conversations he's had with his brother.
He does have a tendency to talk a lot and interrupt, something that used to bother me greatly, but now I realize it's just good practice for me, because if I stand up for myself and cut off his interruption he'll apologize and stop interrupting. So overall I guess it's a good thing.

Last session I asked if he had stock in Amazon.com, since all but two sessions he's tried to talk me into purchasing a Kindle. I also told him he can stop the advertisements for an iPod, because I don't want one of those right now, either. The thought of saying those things to a therapist would have scared me before, even though it's not the sort of conversation that belongs in a session in my opinion - now I feel empowered for having the guts to speak up about how the advertisements bothered me. So, even though the relationship seems a bit odd at times, it's very good for me.

You can take your time to pick a therapist.
You can change your mind after you pick a therapist, no matter how long you have been seeing that therapist.
You can go to single sessions with multiple therapists and then pick your favorite.
It's all about what makes you comfortable, and what helps you.

LifeRecovery

I did not think of this before (I got into Al-anon later in the game...with the help of my therapist). Does anyone at Al-anon have someone they reccomend? I got to Open AA meetings and you might be able to ask there too. A number of my Al-anon support either go or did go (or are counselors themselves so are connected into the community of therapy).

I understand the voracious appetite for information. I have been there...mine calmed down.

Mightyqueen801

My therapist, whom I saw for seven years, once asked me what criteria I used to choose him. I said, "your location, the fact that you were in my healthcare plan, and when they gave me four names, I chose you because you had five letters in your first name and five letters in your last name." He looked a little disconcerted at that last part and said he'd like to see how I'd choose a heart surgeon. LOL. But I did ask the healthcare phone lady for someone who could help with relationships that involved an alkie/druggie. He had an MSW, not a psychologist. He was great, but sometimes people don't click with their therapist and have to move on to another. Mine was a weird little gay man who sat in a rocking chair and wore black cordoroy slippers. That worked for me.