Heard from Brother - First Time in 3 months - what to do next??
 

I heard from my brother last week. I hadn't heard from him in 3 months and had not tried calling him (we live 8 hrs apart in different states) since I heard from my folks, who live 30 minutes from me, that the "chaos" has returned.

What I mean is they got a frantic call in April from my AB and my SIL about my AB being on a "3?" night binge. He starts with drinking then progresses to coke. My SIL was saying she was afraid they couldn't pay their mortgage. The end result was my AB spent a few nights on a friend's couch and then, as usual, was allowed to come home. This exact same scenario happened one year ago, and against our better instincts we went to a family beach house last summer w AB, SIL, nephew (then almost 5 yrs old) and my folks. It didn't work out well and we up and left after 3 days. My hubbie and I never want to put our kids thru that again!! However, I want to keep some type of relationship with my AB and family. My hubbie thinks 1 year in recovery (not hearing of any incidents) is a good amt of time before we try to see them again. I worry what if he dies before then?? My parents are in weekly contact with AB's sponsor and AB is supposedly attending daily AA meetings,etc. My AB didn't mention any of this to me on the phone.

Shouldn't he being telling me about his recovery if he's Truly in recovery??

What is a good amount of time to be "no contact"?

On the one hand I'm glad I heard from him and on the other I'm sad and confused. Also, what do we tell our 10 and 8 year old kids?

Advice appreciated...

I can only share my experience with my 33-year-old AD. She is no longer welcome in my home. She's got to have at least two years solid recovery under her belt, but that's based on her past behaviors/attitudes.

I don't think that 1 year in recovery is unreasonable at all. You have a right to protect yourself and your family.

Thank you. I did hear from my brother again. Now its seems his wife is exhibiting ALL of my AB's past behaviors (drinking, emotional affair, etc..) They are contemplating separating. I am not giving advice - only "supporting his recovery" and hoping he sees the light - of course that's up to him...