Boyfriend choose alcohol over me
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 674
Sarah, Welcome to SR, you have come to a wonderful, supportive place 
I found SR when I was in the same position you are in. I had moved out of my ABF's home where we had been living together. We are older, we went through hell (divorces, and angry adult children) to be together, and after all that, here he was choosing alcohol over me. Actually saying that if I did not like the drinking, I should leave!!!
This made no sense to me either, and so I googled "Alcoholic Insanity", and found SR. So grateful for that day. I did a lot of reading about Alcoholism, and came to understand that he had a disease which did affect his thinking. Once I began to put the focus on me, and not on him, life got better a little bit at a time. I could not help or control him, and I realized I never could. But me, that was something I did have some control over, I came to learn.
So glad you have found SR too. Keep reading and posting, and do go to an Al-Anon meeting. You can also check one out on line if you are more comfortable with that at first.
I found SR when I was in the same position you are in. I had moved out of my ABF's home where we had been living together. We are older, we went through hell (divorces, and angry adult children) to be together, and after all that, here he was choosing alcohol over me. Actually saying that if I did not like the drinking, I should leave!!!
This made no sense to me either, and so I googled "Alcoholic Insanity", and found SR. So grateful for that day. I did a lot of reading about Alcoholism, and came to understand that he had a disease which did affect his thinking. Once I began to put the focus on me, and not on him, life got better a little bit at a time. I could not help or control him, and I realized I never could. But me, that was something I did have some control over, I came to learn.
So glad you have found SR too. Keep reading and posting, and do go to an Al-Anon meeting. You can also check one out on line if you are more comfortable with that at first.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Originally Posted by Sarah222 
"He kept saying that I'm too good for him and that I deserve better."
"He said he doesn't seem himself spending the rest of his life with me, that he just sees himself alone."
"He said he doesn't seem himself spending the rest of his life with me, that he just sees himself alone."
A wise woman told me once long ago to pay very close attention to people who say the words like you described above. That we are getting the most true and accurate information on how they feel inside.
These are "red flag" words. Yet we (generalizing here) tend to take these words as a challenge to prove them wrong...we are worthy of a lifetime together...he doesn't really want to be alone...he is good enough for me and vice versa.
Listen very carefully for these words, and then thank him for his honesty when you get them. He is doing you a favor to go find someone who won't ever say those things to you and does believe he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
Good luck to you!
~T
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by ebonielocs
I have tried to be patient and she will promise to cut down, but the next day it's back to "normal". I am not attracted to her when she is in that state...therefore, not attraction, no sex. Then the tables are turned and it's MY fault she drinks, I don't give her enough sex!
Last night after a huge blow-out I told her that she has made her decision and now I have to make mine. We own a home together and I have my two biological children living in the home with us. As daunting as it sounds, I am mentally laying out the groundwork to start dividing property and finding new living arrangements. I have to walk away, it is true, I can't make her change. After years of counseling, etc. I finally realize that I am important and worth saving. I have value and meaning and most importantly my feelings count! I can no longer stay where I am not heard.
But that being said, this really hurts.
I apologize if this is not the appropriate forum, it just resonated with me and I needed a place to share.
Last night after a huge blow-out I told her that she has made her decision and now I have to make mine. We own a home together and I have my two biological children living in the home with us. As daunting as it sounds, I am mentally laying out the groundwork to start dividing property and finding new living arrangements. I have to walk away, it is true, I can't make her change. After years of counseling, etc. I finally realize that I am important and worth saving. I have value and meaning and most importantly my feelings count! I can no longer stay where I am not heard.
But that being said, this really hurts.
I apologize if this is not the appropriate forum, it just resonated with me and I needed a place to share.
You are not alone Sara - I have found lots of wisdom from the people here and lots to process and think about. *hugs*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
Welcome Sarah.
"He kept saying that I'm too good for him and that I deserve better." My AH has been telling me that our whole marriage and a few months ago I totally agreed with him and started divorce proceedings. I should have believed him years ago it would have saved me and my kids a lot of heartache.
"He kept saying that I'm too good for him and that I deserve better." My AH has been telling me that our whole marriage and a few months ago I totally agreed with him and started divorce proceedings. I should have believed him years ago it would have saved me and my kids a lot of heartache.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi dawny,
Welcome to SR. This is a great site for getting and sharing information.
Why don't you start your own thread and introduce yourself where it will be much more visible that this post. There are many people here from all sorts of backgrounds with large amounts of wisdom, strength and experience.
You are not alone. We are all here because of needing help in dealing with the effects of alcoholism on our A's and on ourselves.
Your friend,
Welcome to SR. This is a great site for getting and sharing information.
Why don't you start your own thread and introduce yourself where it will be much more visible that this post. There are many people here from all sorts of backgrounds with large amounts of wisdom, strength and experience.
You are not alone. We are all here because of needing help in dealing with the effects of alcoholism on our A's and on ourselves.
Your friend,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Chicago, il
Posts: 14
Again, I am extremely grateful for all the responses. The support this forum is giving me is helping me more than I could possibly put into words, and I thank you all for that.
It's only been a week, but things are getting better. I feel optimistic about my future. Of course, I am still very saddened that this is happening, but at the same time I feel as though my ex is truly doing me a favor. He's ending it, which is something I don't think I would have ever had the strength to do on my own. I'm still not sure if he's ending it because he no longer loves me, or if he's ending it because his love for alcohol is simply too strong. Regardless, I can't spend everyday obsessing over why he left me. What's done is done and all I can do is look to the future.
I'm having an extremely hard time not talking to him. I miss our daily conversations, and when things get rough its so hard to tell myself not to pick up the phone and text him. We still have to keep in contact until we figure out what we're going to do with our apartment, but I actually find myself looking forward to the day we can spend time apart without having to communicate.
As hard as this is, I feel as though sometime down the road, when my heart is no longer hurting, I will thank him for this. He is giving me the chance to live my life and he is giving me the opportunity to do what I want to do for myself. I still love him with every little bit of my heart, and I am worried for him and his future, but I need to take this time to be selfish. I encourage anyone who is going through a similar situation to take this time to care for yourself. Lean on the people that are there for you, you'll be surprised by how much they want to help.
One thing I did do, was I told my ex's best friend what was happening. For my own peace of mind, I needed to know that someone, someone other than me, was aware of how serious of a problem my ex has. I will no longer be there to watch out for him or to take care of him everyday, so I needed to be sure that there was at least someone checking in on him once in a while.
Little by little, things are getting better. I just keep telling myself that one day I will thank him for this. One day I will look back on this and realize how unhappy I truly was. For now, my vision is clouded with sadness but I look forward to the day when it is clear again.
I wish I could describe how helpful the support from everyone on this forum has been. I was scared to make the initial post, but I am so happy now that I did. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone, and that there are people out there, strangers, who generally care about how I am doing. I will keep you all updated on how I am doing, but for now I'm okay. I check this post everytime I get sad or feel alone, and it is so comforting to know that no matter what, I am never alone.
It's only been a week, but things are getting better. I feel optimistic about my future. Of course, I am still very saddened that this is happening, but at the same time I feel as though my ex is truly doing me a favor. He's ending it, which is something I don't think I would have ever had the strength to do on my own. I'm still not sure if he's ending it because he no longer loves me, or if he's ending it because his love for alcohol is simply too strong. Regardless, I can't spend everyday obsessing over why he left me. What's done is done and all I can do is look to the future.
I'm having an extremely hard time not talking to him. I miss our daily conversations, and when things get rough its so hard to tell myself not to pick up the phone and text him. We still have to keep in contact until we figure out what we're going to do with our apartment, but I actually find myself looking forward to the day we can spend time apart without having to communicate.
As hard as this is, I feel as though sometime down the road, when my heart is no longer hurting, I will thank him for this. He is giving me the chance to live my life and he is giving me the opportunity to do what I want to do for myself. I still love him with every little bit of my heart, and I am worried for him and his future, but I need to take this time to be selfish. I encourage anyone who is going through a similar situation to take this time to care for yourself. Lean on the people that are there for you, you'll be surprised by how much they want to help.
One thing I did do, was I told my ex's best friend what was happening. For my own peace of mind, I needed to know that someone, someone other than me, was aware of how serious of a problem my ex has. I will no longer be there to watch out for him or to take care of him everyday, so I needed to be sure that there was at least someone checking in on him once in a while.
Little by little, things are getting better. I just keep telling myself that one day I will thank him for this. One day I will look back on this and realize how unhappy I truly was. For now, my vision is clouded with sadness but I look forward to the day when it is clear again.
I wish I could describe how helpful the support from everyone on this forum has been. I was scared to make the initial post, but I am so happy now that I did. It is so comforting to know that I am not alone, and that there are people out there, strangers, who generally care about how I am doing. I will keep you all updated on how I am doing, but for now I'm okay. I check this post everytime I get sad or feel alone, and it is so comforting to know that no matter what, I am never alone.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, Sarah,
Keep posting here. I live (happily) by myself, and this is a place where I can turn to to vent, to have some of those little conversations I might have with someone if I were in a relationship. You don't need to have a partner to get support from other people. I get it here, I get it in my AA meetings, and from a few other friends.
You will find other people for emotional support. If you haven't gone yet, I suggest Al-Anon.
Hugs,
Keep posting here. I live (happily) by myself, and this is a place where I can turn to to vent, to have some of those little conversations I might have with someone if I were in a relationship. You don't need to have a partner to get support from other people. I get it here, I get it in my AA meetings, and from a few other friends.
You will find other people for emotional support. If you haven't gone yet, I suggest Al-Anon.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 588
It is so easy to feel alone, and that no one will understand us, or knows what we are going through. But we are far from alone. For each and every alcoholic, (and there are so, so many out there - just look at a listing of AA meetings in your area to get an idea), there are 3, 4, 5, 6, ... people that have gone through what we are going through in some shape or form. The stories may change, or be eerily similar, but the emotions seem to be the same. You are never alone. Isolated, maybe, alone, no.
And there is hope, in Alanon, this Site, counselling and in us - you're stronger than you know.
Wishing you all the best.
And there is hope, in Alanon, this Site, counselling and in us - you're stronger than you know.
Wishing you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3
What would be the best action to take if he decides to contact me after no contact over a period of a few days, and then returns from a night out when hes alone and wants to talk and get back together....do i refuse? or do i give him a ultimatum? Seek help and then we can talk??? please advise
Im worried that what i say could tip him over the edge
Im worried that what i say could tip him over the edge
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
If you're asking what's the "best action" to take to get him to seek help, I'm afraid you aren't that powerful.
The question really is, what's the "best action" for you to take for your OWN well-being. Only you can decide that, but what is probably NOT good for you is to get all wrapped up again in feeling sorry for him and trying to fix him.
You could kindly say that there is help out there for him if he wants it, but that you have chosen to step away from the insanity for awhile. You could tell him AA is in the phone book but that you really have nothing to discuss with him at this point.
Not telling you what to do, but this is what I've done in the past and it worked for ME. One alcoholic got sober, the other did not, so it isn't advice intended to "get him sober". In both cases, though, it gave me the break I needed for myself.
The question really is, what's the "best action" for you to take for your OWN well-being. Only you can decide that, but what is probably NOT good for you is to get all wrapped up again in feeling sorry for him and trying to fix him.
You could kindly say that there is help out there for him if he wants it, but that you have chosen to step away from the insanity for awhile. You could tell him AA is in the phone book but that you really have nothing to discuss with him at this point.
Not telling you what to do, but this is what I've done in the past and it worked for ME. One alcoholic got sober, the other did not, so it isn't advice intended to "get him sober". In both cases, though, it gave me the break I needed for myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 213
I agree that he probably did you a favor. And al-anon has helped me to learn to detach and not take things so personally. I can still get mad and not accept unacceptable behavior, but I don't have to view it like he chose something else over me. My ex was addicted to pot, porn, and prescription meds. I tried to get him help but at some point he had to do it himself and he refused. Found out he was going to the movies at night after work instead of out-patient rehab. Yeah, that's when I filed divorce papers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3
So similar
This is amazing to read because I feel like I could have written it myself. My long term relationship from 24-27 years old was just like this. He'd be out all hours, coming home wasted sometimes at 6 or 7am. We'd talk in circles about it, he'd feel bad, but just continue to do it. We finally we're at the point that we knew the relationship was ending - he was not going to stop doing that and I knew that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life living with that constant anxiety. I wished he would change, but knew I couldn't sit around waiting for it anymore. But there were still tons of tears from both of us.
One interesting thing that really surprised me: At one point we knew we we're ending, but it was still going to be about a month before he would be able to move out. I didn't want to sleep in the same bed anymore, but was really scared to propose that he start sleeping in the other room. I just thought that would be so SAD and I couldn't bring myself to face it. He actually proposed it before I could and I calmly accepted it. Once we made that change though, I felt SOOOOO much better. It was like finally our actions matched up with how we were feeling and it was such a huge relief. I felt like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders even though the situation was far from resolved. In The Language of Letting Go (which I just started reading about a week ago) Melody Beattie talks about "discrepancies" (in the July 17 entry) and this really sums up how I was feeling here. Not to say that that is what you should do, but to this day, that situation reminds me to not be so scared of making a change...most often aligning your feelings with congruent actions actually feels good.
Anyway, that relationship ended over three years ago. I did not do any exploration at that time around alcoholism and codependency and I ended up in another relationship (for a year and a half) with yet another alcoholic. I knew enough to not put any more time than that into it at least. Finally, NOW I'm starting to learn more about all this (only found this forum this week too, so I'm new). I never read much about codependency, but now I'm really getting into it and learning how my history as the child of an alcoholic is totally playing out in my life...I'd denied it for a long time. I'm about 5 months into to what I think/hope is going to be a really great relationship and I want to succeed. I've started therapy, I'm doing a lot of reading, and I'm learning from the wisdom here. It is very heartening to hear about someone - you - who is doing that NOW instead of waiting five or ten or however many more years.
So keep reading and learning...and take care of yourself. Take time to be sad and grieve. Know that there is healing for you and many wonderful things to come.
One interesting thing that really surprised me: At one point we knew we we're ending, but it was still going to be about a month before he would be able to move out. I didn't want to sleep in the same bed anymore, but was really scared to propose that he start sleeping in the other room. I just thought that would be so SAD and I couldn't bring myself to face it. He actually proposed it before I could and I calmly accepted it. Once we made that change though, I felt SOOOOO much better. It was like finally our actions matched up with how we were feeling and it was such a huge relief. I felt like a huge weight had lifted off my shoulders even though the situation was far from resolved. In The Language of Letting Go (which I just started reading about a week ago) Melody Beattie talks about "discrepancies" (in the July 17 entry) and this really sums up how I was feeling here. Not to say that that is what you should do, but to this day, that situation reminds me to not be so scared of making a change...most often aligning your feelings with congruent actions actually feels good.
Anyway, that relationship ended over three years ago. I did not do any exploration at that time around alcoholism and codependency and I ended up in another relationship (for a year and a half) with yet another alcoholic. I knew enough to not put any more time than that into it at least. Finally, NOW I'm starting to learn more about all this (only found this forum this week too, so I'm new). I never read much about codependency, but now I'm really getting into it and learning how my history as the child of an alcoholic is totally playing out in my life...I'd denied it for a long time. I'm about 5 months into to what I think/hope is going to be a really great relationship and I want to succeed. I've started therapy, I'm doing a lot of reading, and I'm learning from the wisdom here. It is very heartening to hear about someone - you - who is doing that NOW instead of waiting five or ten or however many more years.
So keep reading and learning...and take care of yourself. Take time to be sad and grieve. Know that there is healing for you and many wonderful things to come.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3
Day 3 now and waiting for the inevitable that will get a text or call in the early hrs of the morn...i dont know how i feel, didnt cry when it happened(break up) as if i have nearly already prepared myself for this, i think if your with someone in this situation you become exhausted towards the end and i found that i was being blunt in my response and im not sure if it was i didnt care or was just pure desperation to hit home with him somehow...the more i tried the more i hit a barrier and i could see that he wasnt even hearing a word.
Its so sad to see someone so young go down the road of self destruction...his parents dont question his drinking and so its me he freezes out because to him im the only one causing the aggrevation and im the problem
I actually questioned myself as whether it is me, Am i to bossy? Do i need to let go a bit? I know even though i come from a grounded background and very stable job and mature for my age that my confidence is knocked big time and i have lost interest in going to a pub totally and rarely drink now
What i do kno is i have been through so many situations- the irritated phone calls because hes got held up and he wanting to meet the lads for a drink, the lies(he said he was in bed sick only for his mum(living at home) to say he wasnt-gone to the pub, not heard from for 3 days)when questioned- feeling down wanted to be alone, the moods(tuning in and out of conversations) no commitment because rent money = less money for drink, and all the arguments which have come out of this. The sad thing is he is probably the most sensitive, caring, quite intelligent guy but so utterly incontent, unhappy and insecure. Alcohol is a curse
Its so sad to see someone so young go down the road of self destruction...his parents dont question his drinking and so its me he freezes out because to him im the only one causing the aggrevation and im the problem
I actually questioned myself as whether it is me, Am i to bossy? Do i need to let go a bit? I know even though i come from a grounded background and very stable job and mature for my age that my confidence is knocked big time and i have lost interest in going to a pub totally and rarely drink now
What i do kno is i have been through so many situations- the irritated phone calls because hes got held up and he wanting to meet the lads for a drink, the lies(he said he was in bed sick only for his mum(living at home) to say he wasnt-gone to the pub, not heard from for 3 days)when questioned- feeling down wanted to be alone, the moods(tuning in and out of conversations) no commitment because rent money = less money for drink, and all the arguments which have come out of this. The sad thing is he is probably the most sensitive, caring, quite intelligent guy but so utterly incontent, unhappy and insecure. Alcohol is a curse
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
This is going to sound a little strange.
I felt so guilty and worried about my loved one with alcohol concerns when we first split up. It was what I wanted from contact, to make sure he was okay.
A wise person told me though that for me to be in touch it was a way of me trying to make it better for him. If he was actually taking the journey alone it might assist him on his way to getting the help and support he needs.
That helped me to cut down on some of the obsessive thinking (not all, just some).
I felt so guilty and worried about my loved one with alcohol concerns when we first split up. It was what I wanted from contact, to make sure he was okay.
A wise person told me though that for me to be in touch it was a way of me trying to make it better for him. If he was actually taking the journey alone it might assist him on his way to getting the help and support he needs.
That helped me to cut down on some of the obsessive thinking (not all, just some).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 37
My ex-ABF chose booze over me too, three days ago. I'm sure he thought I wouldn't make good on my statement that this WAS his last chance to have me as his GF (doormat). He has told me before that he knows exactly how to get what he wants; how he's used to "having his cake and eating it too". Hell, I've let him get away with that kind of behavior many times before. Why not this time too?
He gave up his sobriety of five months 11 days ago, drank for 4 days, was sober for 5 days, drank again 3 days ago and continues to drink. After the first binge we talked and I told him that I refuse to go back to the life of being his GF when he is drinking. I did that for 10 months. I didn't make any threats I simply told him that he cannot be in my life when he is actively drinking. He said that it was a "no brainer", that he would never chose booze over me. But he did.
Funny thing is, I am not taking it personally this time. Booze has been his true love for the past 30 of his 45 years. He gave up his wife and kids (more than once) for it, he has given up good jobs for it, he has given up his freedom for it; why would he give it up for the benefit of being with me? There is too much evidence that points to the contrary.
The quacking has begun in earnest. I haven't gone NC yet but I think it's coming soon; today probably.
Wish me luck.
He gave up his sobriety of five months 11 days ago, drank for 4 days, was sober for 5 days, drank again 3 days ago and continues to drink. After the first binge we talked and I told him that I refuse to go back to the life of being his GF when he is drinking. I did that for 10 months. I didn't make any threats I simply told him that he cannot be in my life when he is actively drinking. He said that it was a "no brainer", that he would never chose booze over me. But he did.
Funny thing is, I am not taking it personally this time. Booze has been his true love for the past 30 of his 45 years. He gave up his wife and kids (more than once) for it, he has given up good jobs for it, he has given up his freedom for it; why would he give it up for the benefit of being with me? There is too much evidence that points to the contrary.
The quacking has begun in earnest. I haven't gone NC yet but I think it's coming soon; today probably.
Wish me luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 101
Sarah,Ironically I went through the same with my EX husband years ago..At the time I rarely drank (a time I barely remember now) and he drank every night...He was a musician so he traveled and played late at night alot and the first few years,although I knew he drank alot I didnt realize how much or how bad because I was always asleep way before he came home and at work until he left in the afternoons for his teaching job he did as well....I got sick for a few months adn was suddenly home with him more and I started actually seeing how bad it was...Gosh,he was drinking a bottle a night when at home..I can only imagine at his gigs where he got free drinks all night.I would ask him to stop etc and of course he said he wasnt ready to.One night I heard a banging noise and I woke up to see what it was and he was so drunk and had ran out that he was trying to open this gag gift of wine we had on a shelf...but we didnt own a wine opener so he was on the floor trying to get it open with a knife...I looked at him and was so disgusted,,the next day I asked him to try to quit..and he said if its between you or my drinking you willl lose....sooo a month later he had an out of town show and I packed myself and my children and moved across country for the summer ....Ironclly 3 years after leaving him I developed a drinking problem which Im currently battling...I look back and see that he and I were never a fit as obviously we lived completely seperate lives that I didnt even notice or care for years what he was doing...but now Im remarried to my true soul mate,...no doubt..and my husband is in the shoes I was in....I dont drink because of him...he has no control of it...he hasnt even given me ultimatums yet but I could feel the tension and tell he was way beyond fed up..which has also helped me realize I need to stop before I lose one of the 3 the most important parts of my life....Dont take it personal..its his issue not yours even more so if hes telling you he choses it over you..(I could never ever out right say that to my husband).If he is ruining hislife and wanting to be alone and drink that is his decision..my ex still now is 43 and alone and drinking the same and now has noone consistant at all beyond women here and there that he can party and hook up with BUT we became friends after that summer I left and talk here and there and he has told me many times he is happy with that life.He prefers that to being tied down to any commitments sobriety included.....Hes a good person but he is who he is.....he once told my husband (yes they talk when he calls rarely...no Jerry Springer stuff..haha)that he feels guilty thinking he is what made me start drinking since he introduced me to it...which isnt completely false but he had nothing to do with me continueing...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Chicago, il
Posts: 14
I still read through all these responses every time I feel sad or alone. I'm shocked by how quickly things have gotten better. I've signed a new lease, I'm looking to move all my stuff out of our apartment by sept 1, and after that I will no longer have to communicate with him.
Of course I'm still bummed and of course I still think of him constantly, but in a way my life has already gotten so much better. I feel like I can breathe again. I can do what I want for myself and I don't have to worry about when he's coming home or how drunk he's going to be. I feel like I don't even miss him that much, I more miss the idea of him. I miss having someone to come home to every night and someone to wake up to everyday, but in time that will heal.
From what I've heard from mutual friends, he hasn't had too many (if any) sober nights since the split. He stays out till four or five every night, and continues to drink his life away. I feel sad for him that this is the path he's choosing for his life, but theres nothing I can do to change that anymore.
His mom and sister contacted me aout a week ago-they had just learned about our break-up. I didn't go into the details as to why we split, I just told them it wasn't working anymore. I didn't feel it was my place to tell them about the drinking, and I didn't want to start a fight with my ex by informing his family. I just asked them to please check in on him, I did let them know I was worried about him.
I've said this so many times before, but again I am so unbelievably grateful for all the support from this forum. I read through all the responses every time I feel sad or alone, or every time I feel as though it's too much for me to handle. I still have bad days where I'm not sure ill be able to get through this, and reading through all the responses gives me the hope that someday, life will be beautiful again. Thanks again for all the support, I'm sending much love to all of you.
Of course I'm still bummed and of course I still think of him constantly, but in a way my life has already gotten so much better. I feel like I can breathe again. I can do what I want for myself and I don't have to worry about when he's coming home or how drunk he's going to be. I feel like I don't even miss him that much, I more miss the idea of him. I miss having someone to come home to every night and someone to wake up to everyday, but in time that will heal.
From what I've heard from mutual friends, he hasn't had too many (if any) sober nights since the split. He stays out till four or five every night, and continues to drink his life away. I feel sad for him that this is the path he's choosing for his life, but theres nothing I can do to change that anymore.
His mom and sister contacted me aout a week ago-they had just learned about our break-up. I didn't go into the details as to why we split, I just told them it wasn't working anymore. I didn't feel it was my place to tell them about the drinking, and I didn't want to start a fight with my ex by informing his family. I just asked them to please check in on him, I did let them know I was worried about him.
I've said this so many times before, but again I am so unbelievably grateful for all the support from this forum. I read through all the responses every time I feel sad or alone, or every time I feel as though it's too much for me to handle. I still have bad days where I'm not sure ill be able to get through this, and reading through all the responses gives me the hope that someday, life will be beautiful again. Thanks again for all the support, I'm sending much love to all of you.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Thank you Sarah!! Tonight I was the one feeling alone!! but not anymore.
You are doing so much better than how I was doing, you are very strong, I hope you recognize it too.
Very elegant of you not to engage with the family anymore.
The ex I left... it has been 3 years or so, he keeps on drinking away. His choice.
Thank you for reminding me that tonight, Saturday night, I am here browsing the Internet, cuddling with the cats, eating a brownie and chocolate, and reading Garfield cartoons. Rain is falling and am looking forward to uninterrupted hours of sleep. No alcohol or alcoholics play any role in my weekend or in my life.
I still miss the friend I had every once in a while, but not hearing from him nor from his friends, has helped. It doesnīt matter, what others do. We are alive. We have today. Or tonight. And thatīs all. We have to keep walking ((hugs)) there is much more to live, and to enjoy, still.
You are doing so much better than how I was doing, you are very strong, I hope you recognize it too.
Very elegant of you not to engage with the family anymore.
The ex I left... it has been 3 years or so, he keeps on drinking away. His choice.
Thank you for reminding me that tonight, Saturday night, I am here browsing the Internet, cuddling with the cats, eating a brownie and chocolate, and reading Garfield cartoons. Rain is falling and am looking forward to uninterrupted hours of sleep. No alcohol or alcoholics play any role in my weekend or in my life.
I still miss the friend I had every once in a while, but not hearing from him nor from his friends, has helped. It doesnīt matter, what others do. We are alive. We have today. Or tonight. And thatīs all. We have to keep walking ((hugs)) there is much more to live, and to enjoy, still.
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