other parents of addicts
 

I am looking for other people who are dealing with a child who abuses alcohol or drugs. Most of the posts are about spouses or partners. I am desperate for some input from other parents. I need to know when helping is actually hurting. the child. I actually know on an intellectual level but not on an emotional level. How do you get there?

I got there by hitting a bottom, where I had been sucked dry financially, emotionally, and spiritually with my 33-year-old AD.

She's a big girl, and has the right to live her life as she sees fit, though it's a lifestyle I abhor.

I no longer take a front row seat to her insanity, and for that I am very grateful.

fullcircle you aren't alone--I'm in the middle of this with my 20 year old son who still lives at home. I am just now learning how to deal with things, set boundaries, etc. This is not easy! I spent years paralyzed. Have you tried Alanon? It has helped me in a big way. Just hearing other people that are going through the same thing was a lifesaver.

Hey Fullcircle
There are a lot of parents here on SR. I usually hang out in the F&F of Substance Abusers and there are several in that forum who are the parents of addicts. My son is an addict and an alcoholic who is currently homeless....living in his car, couch surfing, etc.

It took me a long time to realize that my "helping" was actually hurting my son. My initial "awakening" occurred while he was in his first in patient treatment. The family programs in the facility were excellent and it was the counselors (all recovering addicts and alcoholics) who finally helped me see that I was enabling my son.

That is where I began my journey of recovery and I continue that journey today (five years later) in the rooms of Naranon and Alanon. I work the program that I wish he would work. They say "it works if you work it" and it does.

gentle hugs
ke

Hi, FullCircle,

I have had a daughter in trouble, and part of the trouble was abusing drugs and alcohol. I don't know if there is a way to know at an emotional level how to change your approach. I just had to do what was advised and deal with the fear and sadness that came as I did those things.

One thing that helped me through the process was that I knew for certain that what I had been doing hadn't helped anything or anyone- not me, her or my other daughter.

Is your child still a minor?