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Old 07-16-2011, 06:18 AM
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The End

My RAH moved half his stuff out then came back while i was at work on Friday and pretty much took the rest of "our stuff" including the bed,couch,laptop he gave my daughter, her pillows, kitchenwares and food. He has the money and ability (truck) to buy new things and had taken items that we didnt agree upon. Im pretty sure he knows it will be hard for me to replace those items as he is no longer providing income in the home. I think this showed alot about his character.

His last text to me was: stick with Alanon and that it will be an emotional rollercoaster but worth it. Stick with your friends and sponsor. Give Me a CALL when you reach step 12

My thoughts;
Sticking with Alanon? yes
Giving him a Call? no
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Old 07-16-2011, 06:33 AM
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what a cheap flock....you are right, he showed his true colors...what are you supposed to do sleep on the floor? he took the food? I hope he chokes on it. He took his daughter's bed pillows? unbelievable.

If you let it go...it will be better for your psyche?...Change the locks first chance you get. (very simple you just need a philips head screw driver, new lock cost $25. at home depot or Lowes).

Karma will come back and bite him at some point. I hope you can replace your stuff with better more comfortable stuff that he can never "taint".
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:48 AM
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It will be cheaper for you to replace this stuff yourself than to battle with him over it. My guess is that part of the reason he took it was to draw you into negotiating to get it back.

I agree with Fandy--change the locks and go on with your life (including Al-Anon). Hit the yard sales or cheap furniture places or thrift shops if you need to, get the essentials, and enjoy the peace in your home. You can get better stuff as time goes on.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:59 AM
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Isn't he still responsible for child support? You may want to check into that.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
Isn't he still responsible for child support? You may want to check into that.
I could be wrong, but I don't think her child is his.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:26 AM
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What a jerk! Yeah, let it go. He nor the "stuff" is worth the time and energy it would take, not to mention the continued interaction with him to get it back. What he took is all he'll get, so now you can replace things as you want and it will be stuff that is yours and contains no memory of him.

Ditto on changing the locks TODAY.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:28 AM
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That's correct that isn't his daughter. However he has been with us since she was two and at least could of left the laptop and her pillows alone.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:43 AM
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I hope you have some family or friends who will help you at this time....back to school sales will be starting soon and you can get decent bedding with the BBBeyond coupons. even an aero-bed for now? they start at 99.00 at the wholesale stores. I was shopping at Costco yesterday and they had some VERY nice furniture on display. it looked well made and very affordable.

I am a firm believer in "what comes around, goes around".
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:04 AM
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All that will work out - it's just stuff. We just this week got a table - we had been having picnics for every meal for the first 2 months. Worse is the emotional yank of seeing someone I love resort to pettiness because he's hurting. It's slowly getting better, I think. He hasn't dropped off creamed corn in weeks!

- Sylvie
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by FLsunshine View Post
My RAH ...
Any plans to make this husband an EX-husband?

Beware what someone so petty could do, when legally attached to you. His bills are yours while married, his credit rating is yours while married...

CLMI
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:10 AM
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What a cheap shot, and I am so sorry he took more than he should have. You're right...it says a lot about his character.

Someone truly in recovery has a conscience and morals.

Sending you hugs of support!

:ghug3
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:15 AM
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Another way to look at this might be. What a gift! He's shown his true character in big and bold and undeniable actions. Whenever you might get lonely or miss him or start to second guess yourself (most of us do that at one time or another) you get to remember this. And KNOW that it is just stuff and you've made the right decision for you and your daughter.
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Sylvie66 View Post
All that will work out - it's just stuff. We just this week got a table - we had been having picnics for every meal for the first 2 months. Worse is the emotional yank of seeing someone I love resort to pettiness because he's hurting. It's slowly getting better, I think. He hasn't dropped off creamed corn in weeks!

- Sylvie
LOL, I forgot about the creamed corn! OMG, that was SO, SOO, um, ALCOHOLIC of him.
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Old 07-16-2011, 01:07 PM
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My goodness, what a bestard, you and your daughter will get through this...talk about showing ones true colors!
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Old 07-16-2011, 01:59 PM
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My ex did the something similar 28 years ago.....about 5 years ago he had the audacity to call me (at work no less) to ask if I wanted the stuff back! Yes.....you read that right.....23 years later......he wants to give the stuff back. Unbelieveable. I never asked for it back....even when he took it....makes me wonder if his guilty conscience bothered him all that time. lol

Oh well......

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:01 PM
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Meh - when my ex was getting ready to move into his new apartment towards the end of our marriage, he snottily asked me if I wanted the bed. I said, "Nope, you can have it - its haunted!"

I slept on a mattress on the floor for over a year - I admit, it felt pretty flophouse. But with my first tax refund I went to Ikea and got myself a nice black, wrought iron scrollwork bed and new duvet and duvet cover. I just love it.

Its all just stuff. Consider it a payment for tuition in the School of Life. If you are desperate for furniture, try Freecycle or the local Salvation Army store. They might have some stuff for you. Some charities donate furniture to those in need although sometimes there is a waiting list. Can't hurt to try!
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:04 PM
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Originally Posted by PurpleSquirrel View Post
Consider it a payment for tuition in the School of Life.
I've done that a LOT. More expensive than my kids' tuition, but maybe more valuable than the college education.

"Stuff" can be replaced.
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Old 07-16-2011, 02:32 PM
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If it makes you feel any better....my X also ran off with "stuff"...we were showing the house, so he left forever....carrying an open 1/2 big bottle of vodka and the brand new bedspread, dragging it on the ground of course.

The day the movers were coming...I discovered that he had taken THE TELEPHONE! this was of course in the ancient times before we had cellphones...I had to go to the neighbors house to call and confirm.
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:16 PM
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Sorry, I had posted earlier but it didn't get posted.
Thank u all for the encouragement and sharing your experiences. It makes me feel less alone in my situation to know others have done it and made it thru.
I am filing this week and changing the locks today.
I noticed even with the stuff gone there is a quiet calmness in the house which is priceless and the empty bedroom makes a great acoustic for random opera outbursts
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:25 PM
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Sorry, I had posted earlier but it didn't get posted.
Thank u all for the encouragement and sharing your experiences. It makes me feel less alone in my situation to know others have done it and made it thru.
I am filing this week and changing the locks today.
I noticed even with the stuff gone there is a quiet calmness in the house which is priceless and the empty bedroom makes a great acoustic for random opera outbursts
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