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Husband wants a drink ... bad

Old 07-15-2011, 10:28 PM
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Husband wants a drink ... bad

Hi all!

So, we are on day 18 and things have been going well. Today is a doozy, though. Husband says he wants a drink, BAD, worse than day 1, 2 and 3 rolled into one. We talked ... about what it was *really* like when he was drinking rather than what he wants it to be like, about what would happen to him if he picked up that drink, about a couple of irrational thoughts running through his head. I felt calm, took nothing personally, no fretting or tears, no following him around to be sure he is OK.

He logged into an online AA meeting (which is on voice/speaker) so asked me to leave the room, and he closed the door. Wow, I was fine. Kissed him on my way out the door. I know he may drink, and I think I am OK. I'd be on the couch, but OK.

Right now, though, I am numb. I really have no idea how I feel, not a clue, and it is the strangest non-feeling I've ever had. What does this mean? Is this normal? I'm not one to be over-emotional, but I don't recall ever just not having them.
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Old 07-15-2011, 11:14 PM
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Tresha, I hope you don't think I'm being too off-the-wall, but it sounds to me like now would be a perfect time to watch a comedy. Get some laughs. Give your mind and emotions a break from all the intensity. sounds like you did a good job not taking it personally, talking calmly, not following him around.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:22 AM
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I think what you are experiencing is one of the gifts of letting go. I had moments like that when my first husband was in early recovery. The insanity was kicking back in, and I simply left, with the suggestion he give his sponsor a call.

I, too, felt completely calm. I was concerned he might slip/drink, but I wasn't stressing or flipping out over it.

Congratulations. You are STARTING to get better!
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:50 AM
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Good morning all

Well, he didn't drink, and I didn't turn into a puddle of insecurities or a ball of humming nerve endings. He is an alcoholic but I a not. I'm not sure if he has a sponsor, but I suspect he does. He's very new to recovery and the meetings are very personal to him. He does a lot of it online, and I suspect was with a sponsor after the meeting last night. Not sure, though, and didn't ask.

I don't have a sponsor, am still hopping around a bit, but have a great support system and a therapist.

Perhaps this is letting go, like you said, at least letting go of the attachment to the desired result?

Thank you all I really appreciate it.
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:41 AM
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Yup, that's what it is. Don't be shocked or dismayed if you find yourself re-attaching. It happens. That's when you need to re-focus on what YOU are responsible for, and to remember he has his own journey and his own HP.

You're doing good.
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Old 07-16-2011, 04:40 PM
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This is a really hard time and I hope it goes well for you. It reminds me a lot of me a year ago though, I was my husband's 24/7 counselor, basically. It became a completely overwhelming job for me to talk with him about his feelings all the time, try to reason with him about not drinking, offer advice, give him pep talks. I look back on it now and it was crazy how much energy I devoted to this, and he still kept drinking (after breaks of a few weeks or so). We are now getting a divorce and he is a mess.

I am not saying your husband won't be successful, he very well may be, but it won't be because you helped him. I am glad you sound like you are getting that. He will either get it or he won't.
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Old 07-16-2011, 07:43 PM
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Yeah, I really *get* that I can't help him with this. I really looked hard for a way, but none was to be found, lol. I'm fine with him talking about it, even though a couple of phrases were hard to hear. Looking to a possible future, though, I don't think I'd have a problem walking away from a talk if it became a blame game or verbally abusive.

I'm getting a double whammy atm. My baby brother is drinking hard these days and just totally flaked on helping us (who just helped him move not even a month ago) move a piano. He was a no show and the truck had to be returned, so we got the damned thing off the truck. 2 hours later, pouring rain and a ruined piano. I am furious and won't be helping him anymore. His drinking is a recent development as well. I'm ready to cut him loose right now ... and even though husband is doing well, by default, I am ready to punt his ass too!
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