how to encourage without controlling
 

Me and my AH had the opportunity to go out of town this past weekend with my family for a camping and rafting trip, I told him Thursday if he drank any more that day I would drive myself, we argued but then he said he wouldnt. That was all I said about it. His last drink was at 2 on Thursday, he has been a daily drinker for years now, well he has not drank anything since then, he has ate like he hasnt in years, drank gallons of water, tubed in creek, rafted the river and had a great weekend, Saturday he bought a 6 pack but decided to not drink one. So he is on day 4 no drinking, last night after our drive home he was feeling really rough, I figure part of withdrawals, but he still hasnt popped a top I want to encourage him without it coming across like I am trying to controll him. How can I do this?

I worry that he will be tempted today because he had to go back to his work and he is being stressed by one of his clients at this time. He is in the process of getting this client out of his life due to the stress. I just want to see him continue with his alcohol free time. Should I say anything or just keep my mouth shut?:a213:

I'd go with....Mums the word....saying something to him is not going to change the outcome. It is his choice, to drink or not to drink.

Just my 2 cents.

That's a tough one, and I'm not qualified to answer it. I have yet to find the formula that works with my AW. I've tried arguing, criticism, sarcasm, detachment, praise, encouragement... she always returns to the bottle eventually.

It is often said here that we can't control what our Alcoholics do... I think that is generally true.

I agree you should not say anything. He knows how you feel about his drinking. He's going to do whatever he's going to do. You might want to attend al-anon meetings so you can learn how to detach from his actions and not worry about whether he drinks or not.

No experience here but maybe just give him lots of positive feedback about the weekend. Tell him how much fun you had. He seemed to really enjoy himself, the food , the activities. How exited you are to have another weekend like that. He may share the same with you...or not. Ultimately he will drink or not based on his own choices but at least you can let him know how much you enjoyed him sober.

Thanks for the responses, I have let him know how much fun I had and since we just purchased the camper how I hope to be able to have more weekends like that.

@suki I am actually on my way out the door to my AlAnon meeting, I have found so much help in attending them. Thank you.

I was just worried with him feeling so rough last night, since he just quit and didn't attend a meeting or anything I know he has no clue that is his body reacting to him denying it alcohol. I am hoping he finds his way to AA but I know that has to be his decision.

Well I decided to just keep my mouth shut about the alcohol, and he came home in a good mood, has worked on his truck at a family members house and hasnt drank any today. He did seem to feel better today, he has upped his fluids and started taking vitamins a first for him.

I had a wonderful meeting at Alanon that reminded me the only person I need to be focusing on right now is me. That can be so hard at times