Can you hear me screaming!
 

I'm in the process of divorcing my husband as many of you know and I called my lawyer and told her to move up the prove up date so I'm still waiting to her from her how soon she can do it it was Sept 7th but hopefully a lot sooner.

Now for the screaming. I'm taking AH to meet with a rep for vets of the Viet Nam war tomorrow to try to get my husband on disability (ok I know I'm doing the codie thing here, especially taking off work to do it and seeing I'm the one who researched it to begin with) and while at work I remembered that I saved all the letters AH wrote to me from Nam. :gaah Boy did I find them and start to read them he was a pathalogical liar even back then and a drunk, stoner! :react When I read the letters he was totally manipulative with me even back then and after reading I was even trying to break off the engagement, oh if only I had listened to my family. Why didn't I remember that? Thank God I'm in therapy! Every letter was about his needs, wants, happiness all about him! nothing about me! Now I know why I prayed that my adult kids would never get married young like I did and I think the age of 30 should be the legal age to do it. This has opened my eyes to a lot of things especially when I fooled myself into thinking he was great until the drinking began now I remember it was always there and life was always horrible, ugh. After reading those letters it was like a light bulb went on and I never before had such a determination to move forward as I do now.

Thank you for listening to this, what an eye opener this has been it brought me back to my early years and I'm trying not to think of all the years that are gone from my life because I just refused to see and blocked out what I didn't want to see. It really s**ks being a child of an AF.

:hug:
There's a reason they say that "Hindsight is 20/20."
Oh if only I had noticed the things as they were happening, and listened, rather than looking back on them now.
You are not the only one. We all stopped listening to ourselves. That's why we're here - to learn to start listening again.

:hug:
Thank you for sharing, fedup.
And good luck with the divorce.

Yes, it is amazing how that when we are young, we know everything and our parents know nothing!

I agree it does suck being a child of an AF. As I look back on life I see how much that played a role in my thoughts and actions. When I try to put the pieces together of how and why my marriage is at the stage it is I remember like you how there were signs of the narcissistic A my husband is today even way back when we first started dating (we were teens).BUT I also have to remember there were many good times too that kept me in love and wanting to be with him. Way back then I could have never understood what a horrible disease alcoholism is and how it would very slowly take over my husband and our marriage. Facing reality of what he is I am finding very difficult, but at least now I no longer question how we got to this place in our lives.

Try not to beat yourself up on not seeing the signs way back when. We were both young, naive and in love. I'm sure we did the best we could with the life skills we had at the time.