Blogs


Notices

We kicked her out..

Old 07-05-2011, 06:48 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
passionfruit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 283
Originally Posted by Sheneedshelp View Post
We kicked my daughter Amber out last night. We didn't have choice,
.
Here goes some hard truths......


You did have a choice. You could have let her stay and enable her behavior and let her bring negative things into your home.

you made a choice. It was a harder than life should be choice, but you made it none the less.

I think you did the right thing.
.
she will make her choices now.

Hopefully, everyone around her will be just as firm with her as you have been and she will get tired of life being so hard and find her way back to sanity.

I will say a prayer for you tonight.

Stand firm in your decision. God will bring her back to you when it is time.

I have faith.........
passionfruit is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to passionfruit For This Useful Post:
dollydo (07-05-2011), StarCat (07-05-2011), transformyself (07-05-2011), Tuffgirl (07-06-2011)
Old 07-05-2011, 07:00 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Starting over
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,427
Blog Entries: 1
Easy does it people.

Please stop talking to each other. Please focus on being supportive of the original poster who's going thru enough emotional turmoil already. This is _not_ the time to jump in with advice. Simply give your personal experience and support. If you can't do both then go see what you can do with the dozens of other newcomers we have on SR.

Mike
Moderator, SR
DesertEyes is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to DesertEyes For This Useful Post:
ACOAHappyNow (07-05-2011), Alone22 (07-09-2011), barb dwyer (07-05-2011), cmc (07-06-2011), fedup3 (07-06-2011), GettingBy (07-06-2011), Impurrfect (07-05-2011), PaperDolls (07-06-2011), transformyself (07-05-2011), Tuffgirl (07-06-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 07:18 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 27
You're doing the right thing by sending your daughter packing for now. Maybe this will be the wakeup call that she needs. You're in my thought and prayers.
StevieWonder is offline  
Old 07-06-2011, 09:05 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
Sheneedshelp,

I have been keeping up on your posts, and I am very happy that you and your husband have made the choice to put her out.

It is a first step. It is a statement which makes clear that you have a boundary.

She mmay not see that through her haze, yet, but when she wakes up one morning and wants her family, and she calls or pops by, PLEASE BE SURE TO HOLD YOUR BOUNDARY, stating clearly that her alcoholic behavior is unhealthy for the rest of the family, that you love her, but that her choice to continue using alcohol is unhealthy for you, your husband, and her sibs.

She will most likely come to this feeling of missing her fsmily when she is sober.

I would not even speak to her unless she is sober.

I am in support of your choice. You have no control over what she does, now, and I commend you for modeling good boundaries and consequences for your younger kids.

Also, try to be sure she is aware that you are there to be supportive WHEN and if she chooses to seek help. And when that time comes, be there for her!

My RAH was terrible and I had to keep him from our son for long periods. It was hard, but I made sure he knew I was supportive of him pursuing a healthy life. HE ended up hitting his own bottom, which would not have come up to meet him if I had not made some strong, uncomfortable boundaries(his family did some, too)..and if he had not, and I forced him, it would not have been his choice. He chose to get help, because HE could not tolerate himself anymore.

Try to let go and allow God, the universe, whatever to take care of her safety, while leading her to a bottom that allows her to get a clear look at what she is becoming, and she will need your support, then. IN the meantime, craft your every sentence very carefully and economically with her. "I love you. I am supportive of you seeking help to get healthy again. " " I will not contribute to or take part in you disrespecting yourself or your family.Please call when you are ready to get help. We will all be there for you."
Buffalo66 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Buffalo66 For This Useful Post:
transformyself (07-06-2011), Tuffgirl (07-06-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 09:35 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
sheneedshelp, hoping things are 'ok' in your home today. Hang in there. Stay strong!
~T
Tuffgirl is offline  
Old 07-06-2011, 10:21 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Blog Entries: 2
yes, what buffalo said. Have a plan in place for further contact, how to do it and when.

I also would not speak to her unless she's not drunk. Waste of time, and torturous.
transformyself is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to transformyself For This Useful Post:
ACOAHappyNow (07-06-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 10:25 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,181
Checking in to see how you are doing today!
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 07-06-2011, 10:28 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
blueblooms14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: new state
Posts: 137
Brava to you and your husband. You have shown your daughter that you respect that she is a 19 year old adult with the right to make her own choices about how to live. She doesnít want to fit into your household? Well, okay.

The way I see this, you and your husband have affirmed the peacefulness of your home, the parameters of what you will financially and emotionally support, and you've made that clear for everyone's sake.

That's a sign of respect toward her and everyone and the underlying message is that you will respect her right to choose how and where she wants to live.

My DD20, when 18, moved out and lived in this nasty cheap apartment, didnít eat well, drank a lot, didnít go to school. etc. That got pretty old pretty fast. After about 9 months of that, she was sick of it. But itís her right to choose. If she chooses to move here and live with me and with my financial support, the parameters are clear. My home is set up and run to maximize the peace, stability and productivity of everyone who lives in it, so that each participant can thrive in their own right.

And considering the benefits of my financial support- itís a very good deal! From free dinners at night to a room in a nice home to tuition for school? Oh, yeah! Iíd take that deal, given reasonable restrictions on my behavior! Letís get realistic here. Youíre not requiring that she be your slave, wash your feet every night, or accept being beaten by you and your husband in exchange for those things!

This will be good for her. And I think you have demonstrated that you recognize and respect that she is an adult and has the right to set her own course. Her choices are clear.
blueblooms14 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to blueblooms14 For This Useful Post:
ACOAHappyNow (07-06-2011), cmc (07-06-2011), Cyranoak (07-07-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 10:44 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
sheneedshelp, I'm praying for you and that God sends His peace on you and your family.
fedup3 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to fedup3 For This Useful Post:
ACOAHappyNow (07-06-2011), transformyself (07-06-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 11:44 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 318
Hoping you are feeling okay today. You made the right decision. Sending prayers your way.
ACOAHappyNow is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to ACOAHappyNow For This Useful Post:
transformyself (07-06-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 03:00 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 38
Thanks to everyone for your support today, I'm getting by. It still hurts, a lot, I miss her. But right now I'm letting her live her life while we try to live a normal life with my two younger children.

I'm always going to be there for her if she comes back and wants help trying to get over her problem. Not if she's hammered and naked and just wants a place to crash. I've had enough of that.

I'm about to cry typing this message, it's hard but I really think it's something everyone invovled here needed.
Sheneedshelp is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Sheneedshelp For This Useful Post:
ACOAHappyNow (07-06-2011), cmc (07-06-2011), Cyranoak (07-07-2011), Fandy (07-06-2011), Thumper (07-06-2011), tjp613 (07-06-2011), transformyself (07-06-2011)
Old 07-06-2011, 03:07 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
it's not an enviable position that you and your husband are in. But you are protecting your 2 younger children and trying to preserve your sanity(or what's left). Please try to make taking care of yourself a priority, you are under extreme stress right now, kind of like a shock. That can take a big toll on your physical health. Lack of eating , no sleep, it catches up to you. I hope you feel better in the coming days and get a good night's rest too.
Fandy is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Fandy For This Useful Post:
ACOAHappyNow (07-06-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:26 PM.