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Let's celebrate the small and big steps of your recovery.

Old 07-04-2011, 09:05 AM
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Let's celebrate the small and big steps of your recovery.

Hi everyone - it has been sometime since I was here last. During that time I have been healing. When last here a few months ago, the divorce had gone through and stirred up many emotions/memories. But at last, there have been some changes for the good with me.

For those who recall my situation - my exah and I work at the same place - this past week i got approval to move my office to the other side of the agency - away from him! I am so excited!

My finances will finally get a much deserved lift from a friend with a part time job! For those who recall, my next door neighbor had been unemployed for the past nine months and almost lost her home. She just started back to work and knowing I needed extra income - got approval to hire me on a part time basis.

I have also continued to experience many things breaking down at home and in need of repair - had found a handyman and discovered his limitations so the hunt continued for another - and this week someone reminded me that he has been offering to help for the past two years and somehow I didn't get the message - more answered prayers.

I would not be at this place had it not been for the fellowship of alanon and SR support. A place that took me a long time to understand me and my circumstances - the things I could do vs the things I had to let go.

So, feeling grateful (something that has been hard for me to do) I wanted to start a thread in memory of today's theme - Independence Day!
In the language of letting go - M Beattie suggests that we take time to celebrate today! To celebrate the successes, growth, accomplishments and who are.

List the things you are celebrating today in your life as I did mine!
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:20 AM
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This is a good thread for me! A good thread for everyone. I also am grateful to my recovery for many things. The main one I already wrote about:
- I was able to tell someone they'd hurt my feelings, rather than suck it up and assume I was imagining things (REALLY proud of this one!)
- I was able to resist the advances of someone (as lonely as I am) who, while not having addiction problems, is hundreds of thousand in debt yet refuses to get a full-time job
- I am going regularly to al-anon meetings and even have a sponsor!
And the big, big one
- I left my husband a total of four months ago and I almost went back to him, but I successfully escaped and got my own apartment last month!!!

Thanks so much for the opportunity to share. Have blessed Independence Day everyone!
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Old 07-04-2011, 10:04 AM
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******{Kassie}}}}

Well, let's see...

A year ago today I was homeless -
staying in a house without electricity-
keeping my car out of sight
because i couldn't afford tags
and couldn't make the payments.

this morning I woke up in my little studio apartment
with the rent paid and the power ON...
after spending the evening on the ROOF of the building
with my dear friend watching the city sponsored fireworks show
as if it were put on just for us!

I do not need to drink today.
I do not need to be attached to someone who drinks
in order to feel alive.

I am getting ready to open my own 'cottage' business
with money that I earned, and didn't borrow -
I have a few more weeks before I start my second year in college ...
this is my first summer vacation in thirty five years.

I have college debt
but no one is 'after' me for money
I'm not embarrassed or worried to use my bank card
my car is paid for AND insured
* I FINALLY OWN A COMPUTER AND INTERNET ACCESS*

ANd most importantly and most treasured -

my faults and shortcomings are my own and of my own making
and there's finally no one else to blame.

woohoo!

Independence Day, indeed!
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Old 07-04-2011, 10:07 AM
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Welcome back, Kassie! Glad to hear you are doing well.

Great thread idea...perfect for today!

I've come a long way in a short period of time with my thinking. I never had issues with boundaries and values and such until I met my alcoholic who came into my life like a tornado and destroyed everything I thought I knew and believed in. By separating from him and focusing back on me again, in short order I found myself and I am grateful for that today. I was really missing me and I didn't even know it!

I am also grateful that today he's 8 months sober and working the steps. Over the last few weeks, we've gone from the brink of divorce back to some conversations that are amazingly honest and full of personal responsibility. I don't know what will happen to us, but at least today I can say we don't hate each other! And he is sober.
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Old 07-04-2011, 10:57 AM
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
******{Kassie}}}}

Well, let's see...

A year ago today I was homeless -
staying in a house without electricity-
keeping my car out of sight
because i couldn't afford tags
and couldn't make the payments.

this morning I woke up in my little studio apartment
with the rent paid and the power ON...
after spending the evening on the ROOF of the building
with my dear friend watching the city sponsored fireworks show
as if it were put on just for us!

I do not need to drink today.
I do not need to be attached to someone who drinks
in order to feel alive.

I am getting ready to open my own 'cottage' business
with money that I earned, and didn't borrow -
I have a few more weeks before I start my second year in college ...
this is my first summer vacation in thirty five years.

I have college debt
but no one is 'after' me for money
I'm not embarrassed or worried to use my bank card
my car is paid for AND insured
* I FINALLY OWN A COMPUTER AND INTERNET ACCESS*

ANd most importantly and most treasured -

my faults and shortcomings are my own and of my own making
and there's finally no one else to blame.

woohoo!

Independence Day, indeed!
Until you have been there (truly hard times) you can't be here (where you are now....truly truly grateful)

Sometimes, I just want to say to people, you really have no idea.

Congrats on finding your way back to you.:ghug3
.


To quote kenny chesney:

I've been there that's why I'm here!!
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Old 07-04-2011, 11:43 AM
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this is an inspirational thread. I am new to SR but soooo happy to be here today. Yesterday was the first time I did not go running to rescue my Alcoholic Sister. Part of me is feeling guilty but I know it is the first step in MY recovery. I can not continue to be manipulated by her (intentional or not). I know I love her more than life but she needs to address her issues. I can't do it for her. I'm grateful to be here and have so many people supporting me through this. Grateful I'm not alone!
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Old 07-04-2011, 12:24 PM
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(((Kassie)))

Thank you for sharing an update on YOU! Thanks also for the thread.

I am celebrating my accomplishments.

I am continuing my college courses and start summer classes this week. I have a 3.2 GPA.

I stepped down this spring from my high-stress job.
I took a pay cut, but the payoff has been wonderful. I took a vacation in May (borrowed a beach house for 4 days) and my phone never rang. That hasn't happened in years. I understand now vacations are supposed to be that way!

My teenagers have been helping more around the house as I am busy with work and school. They are also helping to grocery shop and prepare meals so we don't have the expense of takeout. They understand we need to work together!

Happy Independence Day!
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Old 07-04-2011, 01:10 PM
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Kassie how wonderful, since I was allowed to move away from XABF at work I have noticed my wound healing much much faster, as he is no longer part of my reality, or at least appears less often, I am so glad you are also getting further away from your XAH toxicity

Today it has been over a month that I dont interact with XABF in any way, YAY!!!!!

My progress: come back to the present moment more often, and am getting excited about the FUTURE! the future never existed for me until now.......

Can see victimhood and codependency in others...

I am able to realize that I am not my mom and I dont have to act or mimic her anymore. Its a sad way to live.
It has been tough but now I see how my family -ABANDONMENT "R" US - isolates from people and have very few REAL, HEART TO HEART relationships....... how they exclude people and how they give 1000% and receive nothing back........

I see the mirrors of who I was and realize I AM FREE... or at least working on NOT following that pattern!
I no longer expect dad to be someone else.

I am single and having fun.
Life still sucks and I go to grinch mode often but it doesn't last much.
I laugh and smile often!!

I know more about TC999 and no longer want jerks around her! WTF was I thinking??
I always deserved the best
And you, dear SR Reader, also deserve peace, freedom, joy

Happy independence day!!!!!!!!!
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Old 07-04-2011, 01:35 PM
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Sometimes I want to call my exab but I don't. He had almost 20 years of sobriety and went out. Of course I remember good times we had, we were together for seven years. At least now I know it's my diseased thinking and what to do about it so I don't act out.
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Old 07-04-2011, 06:19 PM
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Kassie, thank you for starting this thread. What a wonderful reminder!

I am grateful for my independence. I can finally live, and do the things that I want to do, with nobody to tell me how wrong or insane or selfish or moronic I'm being. And I can discover, day by day, that none of those things were ever true, and that I can live a beautiful life.

I am grateful to good friends, and good, open conversation.
I am grateful for having some Al-Anon friends over for swimming and spaghetti, and to just relax and talk and heal together. I also got to enjoy a lovely grilled vegetable salad, and I have a new hanging plant (deep pink geraniums) for my jungle on the balcony. (One of my hanging plants died yesterday, too, so I have just the spot to hang it!) And the kitten enjoyed the visit, as well, curling up in laps, and licking unsuspecting toes - she's preening herself at my feet now, obviously pleased with her day.

My life is so much more full, and peaceful, than it has been since I can remember. I am truly blessed. <3
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Old 07-04-2011, 06:46 PM
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Hi Kassie,

I'm am thankful that I found SR. This place has literally saved my life. I am thankful that my shields are holding through my AW's latest round of chaos.

I am very thankful for my daughters and their families and the tremendous joy they bring me.

I am thankful for my independence and the freedom to be me again.

I am thankful for life and I haven't felt that way in a long time.
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Old 07-04-2011, 06:54 PM
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Hello, Kassie, it's nice to meet you! thanks for this thread!

I celebrate...

that I have energy enough to get things done that I want to get done, rather than channeling it all into what I can do to get my AH to stop drinking

that I have an ever-improving and ever more deeply connected relationship to HP

that I am more often in touch with people I love who love me, and less isolated

that I am happier now
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Old 07-04-2011, 09:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
Welcome back, Kassie! Glad to hear you are doing well.

Great thread idea...perfect for today!

I've come a long way in a short period of time with my thinking. I never had issues with boundaries and values and such until I met my alcoholic who came into my life like a tornado and destroyed everything I thought I knew and believed in. By separating from him and focusing back on me again, in short order I found myself and I am grateful for that today. I was really missing me and I didn't even know it!

I am also grateful that today he's 8 months sober and working the steps. Over the last few weeks, we've gone from the brink of divorce back to some conversations that are amazingly honest and full of personal responsibility. I don't know what will happen to us, but at least today I can say we don't hate each other! And he is sober.
I'm at the same place you are, TuffGirl. Like you, I fell in love with an alcoholic and a very short space of time, moved cross country to be with him and tested me so very much-my values, boundaries, tolerance and beliefs. With the help of Al-Anon, the Steps, some very supportive people and what lay buried deep within myself, I began my own journey - one of self discovery, one that has been equal parts rewarding and very bumpy, but all the while, keeping the focus on me.

Today, I am in school and am working toward......working. I live in a beautiful city on the West Coast, rent a house with an incredible view of the ocean. My bills are paid, I have food on the table, have a dog who I love more than anything, I have learned to laugh again, to feel all of what was bottled up inside of me for so long and not to be scared of what I feel. I needed to be by myself to find myself buried under all of the stuff that had been going on with the ABF. He is sober and while he is not in a program, he is working steadily, has gone to a therapist, is off all of his meds save one anti depressant (something that hasn't happened in over 10 years) and has been sober for over 4 months.

I've gone through something very similar to what you're going through with your RAH-we do live apart, have split up several times (the latest one since March) but, in the past couple of weeks, have made tentative steps toward trying to reconcile and to get over the anger and hurt that has dogged us for a long time. We have had some extremely honest conversations about what led us to where we are now and for both of us, there is some kind of healing going on. No one knows what the future holds for us but I am grateful to be at this point where we can sit down, talk openly about our feelings, our anger, our resentments and see each day as a gift rather than something to be dreaded and endured. It's a beginning; who knows where it will lead but, it's a journey begins with a single step.
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Old 07-05-2011, 07:17 AM
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This is a great thread.

I have learned in the past three years how to honor my boundaries. I do not tolerate them being broken by alcoholics or non-alcoholics.

I try very hard to say what I mean but not say it mean. (I work on this still every day)

I have gone from a stay-at-home mom with no visible means of support to working part-time and going to school. In 18 months I will have my second bachelor's degree - a bachelor of science in nursing and hopefully a couple of credits towards a masters degree (nurse practitioner) as well. This should translate into a decent paying and stable JOB!

Despite a bad divorce and catastrophic public family events my teenagers seem to be doing great. I'm so proud of them for their strength and wisdom even when I am "freaking out".

I have learned to ask for and accept help that I need to accomplish these goals.

I have learned to reject unsolicited advice and to state my truths to well-meaning friends and relatives who aren't always mindful.

Yay me!
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