I may have been the last person to see my brother alive
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 12
I may have been the last person to see my brother alive
After dropping my brother off at his apartment last night, I realized that I am probably the last person who will see him alive. He is in end-stage alcoholism,
severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation.
My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out.
We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead.
The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.
severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation.
My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out.
We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead.
The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Welcome.
What a sad post.
I am impressed at your ability to let go.
You are doing exactly what you should be doing.
It is not your fault that this happened.
We can't say why terrible things happen. We can just do our best to keep ourselves sane and at peace.
It sounds like you can love him, regardless of the choices he makes, while taking care of yourself.
We are here for you.
Keep posting
fp
What a sad post.
I am impressed at your ability to let go.
You are doing exactly what you should be doing.
It is not your fault that this happened.
We can't say why terrible things happen. We can just do our best to keep ourselves sane and at peace.
It sounds like you can love him, regardless of the choices he makes, while taking care of yourself.
We are here for you.
Keep posting
fp
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by raininginoregon 
After dropping my brother off at his apartment last night, I realized that I am probably the last person who will see him alive. He is in end-stage alcoholism,
severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation.
My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out.
We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead.
The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.
severe malnutrition with extreme loss of muscle mass and body fat, he has inflammation of the pancreas and damage to his brain and heart. He has all the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy such as, lack of awareness, inverted sleep patterns, extreme irritability, tremors and disorientation.
My brother is in essence, a just an empty shell of biological matter, deteriorating day by day. Last night, after being refused entry into the detox center, (for showing up intoxicated) I was called after he was taken to ER. For the next five hours at ER, he was combative, aggressive and ended up ripping out his IV line, blood dripping down his arm and on the floor, he signed himself out.
We spoke no words as I drove him home, I pulled over on his corner, he got out and walked to his apartment without a backward glance. I sat there for a moment and came to the realization that my little brother whom I have been mourning over the past year, was truly, dead.
The brother that 30 years ago, was funny, bright, and with a tender loving heart is gone. My heart aches for those days that we had, the memories will be my comfort. My prayer now, is that God, show His mercy and if it be His will, let my brother rest.
prayers for comfort for your heart ache, and prayers that your brother may find peace.
chicory
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 12
Thank you all for your kind words and prayers. It truly helps to have a place to go, share your fears, pain, heartbreak and hope with others that know what you are going through. Just knowing that others understand, makes the sorrow a little easier. It is bittersweet to know that others are praying for you, and at the same time, know that they too are experiencing this unique and sometimes uncompromisable sadness. Bless all of you that are in this unbelievably crazy world of loving an alcoholic. I pray for us all to be granted...... peace.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Probably one of the most revealing posts about the ravages of the disease.
Thank you for the reminder about what many of us are up against.
I cried when I read this.
I am so very sorry for the pain of seeing your loved one like this.
Hope you find light soon.
Thank you for the reminder about what many of us are up against.
I cried when I read this.
I am so very sorry for the pain of seeing your loved one like this.
Hope you find light soon.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 130
Big hugs to you, and welcome to SR...I've only been posting here for a little while, but trust me, it really does help. It sounds like your brother and my husband are at about the same stage in their disease, and I think the only thing that's keeping my AH alive is the size of his unemployment checks. It's certainly the hardest thing I've ever had to face, and I think the hardest for a lot of people, to see someone drink themselves to death. My uncle died a few years ago from complications of alcoholism, and that was certainly hard -- now I am starting to fully appreciate what it must have been like for my dad to see his little brother go down the tubes like that. Sadly, it wasn't bad enough to get him to stop his own drinking, but still...
I couldn't agree more with a previous post -- if alcohol were a living, breathing being, I would likely be in prison for life, and the grisly crime scene photos would haunt people's dreams for decades. It's truly confounding just how many lives it has ruined, and taken.
I couldn't agree more with a previous post -- if alcohol were a living, breathing being, I would likely be in prison for life, and the grisly crime scene photos would haunt people's dreams for decades. It's truly confounding just how many lives it has ruined, and taken.
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