Getting a Resentment about Doing It All Myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Getting a Resentment about Doing It All Myself
So....this coming weekend we are going on a "family" camping trip in far northern Illinois. So guess what that means for me?
Getting the tent ready -and all the supplies - and all the food - and the driving and gas - and doing the cooking - and the cleaning - and the buying - and all the EVERYTHING. I am taking my Dutch oven and doing some fairly advanced dinner cooking because it is a Boy Scout venture and I think that the youngins' need to learn that camping means more than weiners and trail mix.
I love camping and I know ahead of time that my XAH's sole contribution to this camping trip will most likely be converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. But I am still starting to get royally p***ed off.
There is so much more to this but right now I am just getting so annoyed I can't get it into words. Which for me is unusual.
I want to make this a special trip for the kids without letting what I anticipate will be my ever-increasing level of annoyance ruin it. Detach, detach, detach.....I know. But right now I am just getting madder and madder!
Grrrr. GRRRR!
Getting the tent ready -and all the supplies - and all the food - and the driving and gas - and doing the cooking - and the cleaning - and the buying - and all the EVERYTHING. I am taking my Dutch oven and doing some fairly advanced dinner cooking because it is a Boy Scout venture and I think that the youngins' need to learn that camping means more than weiners and trail mix.
I love camping and I know ahead of time that my XAH's sole contribution to this camping trip will most likely be converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. But I am still starting to get royally p***ed off.
There is so much more to this but right now I am just getting so annoyed I can't get it into words. Which for me is unusual.
I want to make this a special trip for the kids without letting what I anticipate will be my ever-increasing level of annoyance ruin it. Detach, detach, detach.....I know. But right now I am just getting madder and madder!
Grrrr. GRRRR!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just wondering why you agreed to this? (I'm not trying to be harsh or critical, just honestly wondering.)
Having agreed to it, though, you know how it is likely to go, and you will ruin ANY possibility of having a good time with the kids (and your own love of camping) if you focus on the fact that your H won't be any help. He will do (or not do) what he will (or won't) and it won't help any to get ticked off about it. It might be better for your own good time (and the kids') if you just think of him as a big helpless kid you are unfortunately compelled to take along on the trip.
You don't seem to have any other options, unless he decides not to go. And even if he didn't go, you would still be doing it all.
Your own attitude is the ONLY thing you can control in this situation. If you are all angry and resentful the whole time, don't you think the kids will pick up on that?
Having agreed to it, though, you know how it is likely to go, and you will ruin ANY possibility of having a good time with the kids (and your own love of camping) if you focus on the fact that your H won't be any help. He will do (or not do) what he will (or won't) and it won't help any to get ticked off about it. It might be better for your own good time (and the kids') if you just think of him as a big helpless kid you are unfortunately compelled to take along on the trip.
You don't seem to have any other options, unless he decides not to go. And even if he didn't go, you would still be doing it all.
Your own attitude is the ONLY thing you can control in this situation. If you are all angry and resentful the whole time, don't you think the kids will pick up on that?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
The great thing is you can see and talk about your feelings.
Your feelings are obviously telling you you DON'T LIKE your husband being a bump on a log in your life.
So now, what are you going to do about it?
The ball is in your court.
You can accept he is a bump. You can say no thank you to bumps as husbands and separate.
Those be your choices.
Both bring their own kind of peace.
I would look at choosing one for your own sanity.
Hugs and good luck.
fp
Your feelings are obviously telling you you DON'T LIKE your husband being a bump on a log in your life.
So now, what are you going to do about it?
The ball is in your court.
You can accept he is a bump. You can say no thank you to bumps as husbands and separate.
Those be your choices.
Both bring their own kind of peace.
I would look at choosing one for your own sanity.
Hugs and good luck.
fp
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
Posts: 317
If your husband is there, sitting like a bump on a log, you're going to set up camp, take care of the kids, cook, supervise and be unhappy....no angry.
If your husband is not there, you're going to set up camp, take care of the kids, cook, supervise and have a great time.
What's the difference? Hint: It doesn't have anything to do with your husband. It's all about your attitude.
I'm not even sure if detachment is the right work for breaking that cycle of negative thinking that just keeps building and building and building.
Let it go, if you can...go and have a great time! Because camping is fun, right?
If your husband is not there, you're going to set up camp, take care of the kids, cook, supervise and have a great time.
What's the difference? Hint: It doesn't have anything to do with your husband. It's all about your attitude.
I'm not even sure if detachment is the right work for breaking that cycle of negative thinking that just keeps building and building and building.
Let it go, if you can...go and have a great time! Because camping is fun, right?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I love camping and I know ahead of time that my XAH's sole contribution to this camping trip will most likely be converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
I am choosing to do this, yes I know. It is for the Boy Scouts and my son is a member so I want to be involved. We are not camping alone - there is a bunch of families from the troop/den going so it is not like I will be stuck alone with him and the kids in the middle of nowhere. I am hoping that helps.
I like the idea of treating him like a big, dumb kid that I am compelled to take. It is obviously all about mental attitude and I get this. Today I guess I am just getting stressed out running around trying to get all the stuff I am missing from my camping gear and it is flippin' HOT here in Chicago.
I will try not to project and catastrophize. I will try to remain calm.
I will try not to toss his sorry butt in the lake.
I like the idea of treating him like a big, dumb kid that I am compelled to take. It is obviously all about mental attitude and I get this. Today I guess I am just getting stressed out running around trying to get all the stuff I am missing from my camping gear and it is flippin' HOT here in Chicago.
I will try not to project and catastrophize. I will try to remain calm.
I will try not to toss his sorry butt in the lake.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey, maybe one of the scouts needs to earn his life-saving badge! Rescuing a drowning alcoholic from the lake might be JUST the ticket!
I'm glad to hear it's a group outing. That should make it much better--you can find plenty of other people to bond with.
If nothing else, have one of the kids practice knot-tying while he's asleep.
I'm glad to hear it's a group outing. That should make it much better--you can find plenty of other people to bond with.
If nothing else, have one of the kids practice knot-tying while he's asleep.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: INDIANA
Posts: 39
Boy do I hear ya on this! We are campers and I do it all too. I used to get angry. Camping is a lot of work. For me to stop getting angry, I had to accept the situation for what it is. I was able to accept that I had to do all the prep work and the set up and the cooking and the clean up at the camp site and the clean up once we were home. And you know what. Once I accepted that fact, and used the slogan "easy does it" to slow down a bit. I found myself enjoying the work and singing while I do it.
Maybe you can accept your situation too. And if you can't I hope you can find an alternative that is right for you, so you can have the peace and serenity you deserve.
Maybe you can accept your situation too. And if you can't I hope you can find an alternative that is right for you, so you can have the peace and serenity you deserve.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 741
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Hey, maybe one of the scouts needs to earn his life-saving badge! Rescuing a drowning alcoholic from the lake might be JUST the ticket!
I'm glad to hear it's a group outing. That should make it much better--you can find plenty of other people to bond with.
If nothing else, have one of the kids practice knot-tying while he's asleep.
I'm glad to hear it's a group outing. That should make it much better--you can find plenty of other people to bond with.
If nothing else, have one of the kids practice knot-tying while he's asleep.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
PS preferably mildy poisonous ants, not so much poison to kill him but enough to gim him a stomachache so he can't be around bugging you much time? JK!!
but it certainly seems like a good prank opportunity
but it certainly seems like a good prank opportunity
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Some Camping Tips
•When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
•Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
•Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
•When smoking a fish, never inhale.
•A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
•The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
•Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
•While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
•Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
•Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
•You’ll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
•You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
•When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
•You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
•Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
•A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
•A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
•You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
•In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
•The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
•Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read “Beat on a rock in stream.”
•The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
•It’s entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
•Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
•A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
•In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.
•When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
•Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
•Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
•When smoking a fish, never inhale.
•A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
•The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
•Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
•While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheard of. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
•Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
•Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
•You’ll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
•You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
•When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
•You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
•Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
•A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
•A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
•You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
•In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
•The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
•Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping. Buy only those that read “Beat on a rock in stream.”
•The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
•It’s entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
•Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
•A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
•In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 255
I sort of know where you're coming from. My AW stopped doing any kind of housework years ago, about the time she stopped working outside the home. Essentially, she watches TV and sleeps. I do whatever housework gets done. If I didn't our house would look like those on that show about Hoarders.
Our 18 year old daughter helps a little, but she never had much of a role model in the housework department, so her contribution is spotty. I know I could have done a better job of teaching her myself, but it's a little late, now. She at least does her own laundry, and I refuse to do AW's laundry. AW will do that when she finally runs out of clean underwear... maybe once a month.
I used to complain and raise a fuss about it, but it never helped, and it always ended in a fight. I finally came to the realization that if I wanted it done, I had to do it. Maybe that makes me wimpy, but I also found some peace in the acceptance of it. I look at AW as an unproductive houseguest, and do what I can to keep things pleasant for daughter and myself.
Our 18 year old daughter helps a little, but she never had much of a role model in the housework department, so her contribution is spotty. I know I could have done a better job of teaching her myself, but it's a little late, now. She at least does her own laundry, and I refuse to do AW's laundry. AW will do that when she finally runs out of clean underwear... maybe once a month.
I used to complain and raise a fuss about it, but it never helped, and it always ended in a fight. I finally came to the realization that if I wanted it done, I had to do it. Maybe that makes me wimpy, but I also found some peace in the acceptance of it. I look at AW as an unproductive houseguest, and do what I can to keep things pleasant for daughter and myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 137
My AW stopped doing any kind of housework years ago, about the time she stopped working outside the home. Essentially, she watches TV and sleeps. I do whatever housework gets done. If I didn't our house would look like those on that show about Hoarders.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
nice to see you back, squirrel.
when i was still living with my now-xah, i started to just not be very involved with him. not in a "f-you" kind of way, but just in a distance-i'm-not-interacting-with-you sort of deal. it helped me to not be as angry, because i had little or no expectations.
soon i realized it was a messed up way to live with someone.
when i was still living with my now-xah, i started to just not be very involved with him. not in a "f-you" kind of way, but just in a distance-i'm-not-interacting-with-you sort of deal. it helped me to not be as angry, because i had little or no expectations.
soon i realized it was a messed up way to live with someone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Aliquippa, Pa
Posts: 26
I understand about having to do everything on my own, but I don't allow myself to become resentful. It serves no purpose. I don't expect any help from him, so I'm not really getting let down.
I don't take him on any camping/hiking trips with me. For one thing, it's a liability. When we're canoeing or hiking in remote areas, it just wouldn't do to have someone drunk because it's downright dangerous to everyone.
I just got done planning and organizing my daughter's wedding all by myself. Everything, including the tent/table/chair rentals..to the decorations, the dj, the caterer, the dress, the venue...he didn't help with anything. At least I had my other kids to help out and I got high praise for being able to do it all despite all his efforts to drag me down.
I don't take him on any camping/hiking trips with me. For one thing, it's a liability. When we're canoeing or hiking in remote areas, it just wouldn't do to have someone drunk because it's downright dangerous to everyone.
I just got done planning and organizing my daughter's wedding all by myself. Everything, including the tent/table/chair rentals..to the decorations, the dj, the caterer, the dress, the venue...he didn't help with anything. At least I had my other kids to help out and I got high praise for being able to do it all despite all his efforts to drag me down.
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