Sheilds still holding, preparing to fire phasers....
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Sheilds still holding, preparing to fire phasers....
Ok, last thread posted about lucid conversation with AW, she understood my need to divorce her and she loved me enough to let me go.
Well today I get calls from MIL that AW thinks we are going to reconcile because I love her. Get calls from SIL saying the same thing oh and btw the social worker says this during therapy, that we are going to reconcile. SIL says therapist describe sessions as "light and fluffy". Hmmmm.
Call AW to reiterate that this is a divorce and there is no way we are going to reconcile. She says she knows. Didn't she tell me she loved me enough to let me go. This was all said in a way to familiar pissy voice of hers. Asks me to bring her a couple of things and then tells me to check the email accounts to make sure no bills have come in. She starts to tell me about how I spent way to much to get my own phone and number at which point I told her I had to go and hung up. Hmmmmm.
During the week leading up to the suicide threat she was posting how scared she was to be losing her home and there weren't any one bedroom apartments available and what was she going to do. Turns out one email she should have deleted was about how there was a very nice one bedroom on the 8th floor with a sky line view of Philadelphia. In other words a primo 1 bedroom apartment. This email was dated several days before this whole shields still holding series began.
So in other words she was playing me on the apartment trying to keep the 2 bedroom one we currently have and using my "I still love you" statement to try and manipulate her mother an sister into getting me to drop the divorce.
Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called her sister to let her know what was going on because she was feeling really guilty over the discussion she had had with AW. Now she too is Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So tomorrow I'm going over to her apartment complex to let them know I will only sign for a studio or one bedroom and to set the max amount I am willing to sign for. I am taking this manipulation into account when figuring how to split the money coming in and I am keeping both cats. I was going to give her her favorite back but not any more. There is no need for either cat to be held hostage by that b1tch.
Actually I was impressed by how well she manipulated the whole thing and only one little email tripped her up.
As they say the devil is in the details.
So I am going to visit her tomorrow at the hospital as I need to get the key for the mailbox, I'll even take the couple things she asked for and I'll point out to her that I know what's going on and she'll be happy with what she gets.
I had been detaching with love and trying to show compassion. Now I'm just detaching. She just made a huge tactical error.
Your friend,
Well today I get calls from MIL that AW thinks we are going to reconcile because I love her. Get calls from SIL saying the same thing oh and btw the social worker says this during therapy, that we are going to reconcile. SIL says therapist describe sessions as "light and fluffy". Hmmmm.
Call AW to reiterate that this is a divorce and there is no way we are going to reconcile. She says she knows. Didn't she tell me she loved me enough to let me go. This was all said in a way to familiar pissy voice of hers. Asks me to bring her a couple of things and then tells me to check the email accounts to make sure no bills have come in. She starts to tell me about how I spent way to much to get my own phone and number at which point I told her I had to go and hung up. Hmmmmm.
During the week leading up to the suicide threat she was posting how scared she was to be losing her home and there weren't any one bedroom apartments available and what was she going to do. Turns out one email she should have deleted was about how there was a very nice one bedroom on the 8th floor with a sky line view of Philadelphia. In other words a primo 1 bedroom apartment. This email was dated several days before this whole shields still holding series began.
So in other words she was playing me on the apartment trying to keep the 2 bedroom one we currently have and using my "I still love you" statement to try and manipulate her mother an sister into getting me to drop the divorce.
Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I called her sister to let her know what was going on because she was feeling really guilty over the discussion she had had with AW. Now she too is Grrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So tomorrow I'm going over to her apartment complex to let them know I will only sign for a studio or one bedroom and to set the max amount I am willing to sign for. I am taking this manipulation into account when figuring how to split the money coming in and I am keeping both cats. I was going to give her her favorite back but not any more. There is no need for either cat to be held hostage by that b1tch.
Actually I was impressed by how well she manipulated the whole thing and only one little email tripped her up.
As they say the devil is in the details.
So I am going to visit her tomorrow at the hospital as I need to get the key for the mailbox, I'll even take the couple things she asked for and I'll point out to her that I know what's going on and she'll be happy with what she gets.
I had been detaching with love and trying to show compassion. Now I'm just detaching. She just made a huge tactical error.
Your friend,
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Well, it's a good thing that email was there to 'out' her little game, eh?!
So do you feel any better about the cats now that I told you Bagheera drools too (and shakes it all over)? I giggle now when he does it because I think about your cat!
So do you feel any better about the cats now that I told you Bagheera drools too (and shakes it all over)? I giggle now when he does it because I think about your cat!
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Clever aren't they? Yet, they always get caught. I have often said if they would spend as much time working on their recovery and doing positive things vrs doing the opposite they might get somewhere. They spend all their time trying to figure out how to manipulate and use other people.
Well Captain sorry to say, but, this battle has just begun, shields up, you are doing a great job, keep up the good work...who knows you may be in line for a promotion!
Well Captain sorry to say, but, this battle has just begun, shields up, you are doing a great job, keep up the good work...who knows you may be in line for a promotion!
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She's telling everyone what she perceives is in her best interest for them to believe.
What a shock.
I don't get it, is SIL in on the therapy sessions, or is she just repeating what your wife tells her?
What a shock.
I don't get it, is SIL in on the therapy sessions, or is she just repeating what your wife tells her?
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SIL has been speaking with her therapist at the crisis center. AW gave her a list of people she has permission to call. She spoke to me once early in the process and I explained I was working my recovery, setting boundaries, detaching and moving on. BTW that got me an attaboy. 
So we haven't spoken since.
My action plan for today is to rework the budget on how stuff gets split, check with the apartment mgmt folks to see what's available and at what cost and let them know the max I am willing to cosign on. I'm going to take some stuff up to her because I need to get the mail key for her apartment which she has with her and to let her know what's what.
Then I am going to spend the rest of the day with my 5 grand kids.
So we haven't spoken since. My action plan for today is to rework the budget on how stuff gets split, check with the apartment mgmt folks to see what's available and at what cost and let them know the max I am willing to cosign on. I'm going to take some stuff up to her because I need to get the mail key for her apartment which she has with her and to let her know what's what.
Then I am going to spend the rest of the day with my 5 grand kids.
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Originally Posted by dollydo 
Clever aren't they? Yet, they always get caught. I have often said if they would spend as much time working on their recovery and doing positive things vrs doing the opposite they might get somewhere. They spend all their time trying to figure out how to manipulate and use other people.
Well Captain sorry to say, but, this battle has just begun, shields up, you are doing a great job, keep up the good work...who knows you may be in line for a promotion!
Well Captain sorry to say, but, this battle has just begun, shields up, you are doing a great job, keep up the good work...who knows you may be in line for a promotion!
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I'm back. Spent most of the last 2 days hanging out with my daughters and their families. Backyard cookouts and all that normal stuff. It was wonderful.
Yesterday I did take her some stuff to the hospital as I needed to go and get the mail key to her apartment. The guy with the key wasn't readily available so I sat and talked to her for about 40 minutes. I told her what the limit was that I was willing to sign for on an apartment and how I was going to split up our finances and what I was willing to give her on a monthly basis. It took a bit but I think I got her to finally accept that we are not going to reconcile and get back together again. She said she didn't remember the apartment email and that she had looked at other apartments in the complex. I told her if there weren't any 1 bedrooms available then she would have to go for the studio apartment. She then said she could look somewhere else and I agreed. Before I left I gave her a big hug, kissed her on top of the head as I told her that I loved her but I just couldn't live with her. She cried and said please don't say that. I told her she needs to accept that we are no longer a couple before she can move on.
Later that day she spoke with her mother who asked her how it went. AW said I told her things she didn't want to hear.
Don't know when she's getting out but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
So far it has been a good holiday weekend.
Oh yeah, I picked up a new book today. "Recovery, The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice". Skimming through the book at the bookstore it seemed to speak to me. I'll give a review once I am further into it.
As always,
Your Friend,
Yesterday I did take her some stuff to the hospital as I needed to go and get the mail key to her apartment. The guy with the key wasn't readily available so I sat and talked to her for about 40 minutes. I told her what the limit was that I was willing to sign for on an apartment and how I was going to split up our finances and what I was willing to give her on a monthly basis. It took a bit but I think I got her to finally accept that we are not going to reconcile and get back together again. She said she didn't remember the apartment email and that she had looked at other apartments in the complex. I told her if there weren't any 1 bedrooms available then she would have to go for the studio apartment. She then said she could look somewhere else and I agreed. Before I left I gave her a big hug, kissed her on top of the head as I told her that I loved her but I just couldn't live with her. She cried and said please don't say that. I told her she needs to accept that we are no longer a couple before she can move on.
Later that day she spoke with her mother who asked her how it went. AW said I told her things she didn't want to hear.
Don't know when she's getting out but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
So far it has been a good holiday weekend.
Oh yeah, I picked up a new book today. "Recovery, The Twelve Steps as Spiritual Practice". Skimming through the book at the bookstore it seemed to speak to me. I'll give a review once I am further into it.
As always,
Your Friend,
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Oh yeah, i watched this video a lot with my grandson 1.5. It has become a favorite of mine so enjoy.
YouTube - ‪Sesame Street: Will.i.am's Song "What I Am"‬‏
YouTube - ‪Sesame Street: Will.i.am's Song "What I Am"‬‏
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Good job.
If I can recommend another terrific book you might like, try One Breath at a Time, by Kevin Griffin. It is a Buddhist approach to the 12 Steps, and written from an Atheist perspective. It was a book that I found very helpful when I first got sober.
If I can recommend another terrific book you might like, try One Breath at a Time, by Kevin Griffin. It is a Buddhist approach to the 12 Steps, and written from an Atheist perspective. It was a book that I found very helpful when I first got sober.
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Lexie, sounds good. I think this book may have a similar approach. I just finished reading step one. Lots of talk of powerlessness, the illusion of control, karma and the freedom that comes from admitting you are powerless. Nothing that is affecting your life has changed but by working step one you are freeing yourself from the illusion of control. He used the analogy of a boat on the ocean. With the illusion of control you fight the ocean and against the currents. When you accept that you can't change the ocean you can now focus on steering your own boat.
He is a professor of world religion so he ties a lot of different religious traditions together in his explanations of the 12 steps. For atheists and agnostics he recommends using something like the unity of life or the universe as a whole as your higher power. Reminds of something I read one time that describes Buddhism as atheism in the name of god.
So far a very good read and very useful.
He is a professor of world religion so he ties a lot of different religious traditions together in his explanations of the 12 steps. For atheists and agnostics he recommends using something like the unity of life or the universe as a whole as your higher power. Reminds of something I read one time that describes Buddhism as atheism in the name of god.
So far a very good read and very useful.
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Actually the 12 Steps in many ways "mirror" the Eightfold Path. There are several small Buddhist recovery groups around. There's one in Phila, as a matter of fact, and I heard Kevin Griffin speak there. It's at the Shambalah Center in Center City. Parking is pretty tough, so I've only gone a couple of times. It's for ANY kind of recovery--we had drug addicts, sex addicts, food addicts, as well as alcoholics and, I believe, at least a few co-dependent types.
Anyway, the Buddhist readings really highlight how spirituality does NOT have to be "religious".
Anyway, the Buddhist readings really highlight how spirituality does NOT have to be "religious".
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Hey Mike.
I haven't logged on in a while but it's good to see you putting 1 foot in front of the other.
Something caught my eye on your part 3 update. You mentioned putting off the Divorce due to insurance. This may be something to discuss with a lawyer. When I walked this path, I learned that I couldn't modify any existing insurance policies until the court settled the matter. I know you're working hard on splitting finances. I learned in my case that finances aren't exactly in my control. I also learned that any previously discussed separation agreements aren't admissible in court. Then again, you may be able to set this all up in advance and simply work through a mediator. Obvious disclaimer = Different states, different laws, etc.
Good luck and good on yah for focusing on the girls and the rest of the family.
I haven't logged on in a while but it's good to see you putting 1 foot in front of the other.
Something caught my eye on your part 3 update. You mentioned putting off the Divorce due to insurance. This may be something to discuss with a lawyer. When I walked this path, I learned that I couldn't modify any existing insurance policies until the court settled the matter. I know you're working hard on splitting finances. I learned in my case that finances aren't exactly in my control. I also learned that any previously discussed separation agreements aren't admissible in court. Then again, you may be able to set this all up in advance and simply work through a mediator. Obvious disclaimer = Different states, different laws, etc.
Good luck and good on yah for focusing on the girls and the rest of the family.
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Originally Posted by Shellcrusher
Hey Mike.
I haven't logged on in a while but it's good to see you putting 1 foot in front of the other.
Something caught my eye on your part 3 update. You mentioned putting off the Divorce due to insurance. This may be something to discuss with a lawyer. When I walked this path, I learned that I couldn't modify any existing insurance policies until the court settled the matter. I know you're working hard on splitting finances. I learned in my case that finances aren't exactly in my control. I also learned that any previously discussed separation agreements aren't admissible in court. Then again, you may be able to set this all up in advance and simply work through a mediator. Obvious disclaimer = Different states, different laws, etc.
Good luck and good on yah for focusing on the girls and the rest of the family.
I haven't logged on in a while but it's good to see you putting 1 foot in front of the other.
Something caught my eye on your part 3 update. You mentioned putting off the Divorce due to insurance. This may be something to discuss with a lawyer. When I walked this path, I learned that I couldn't modify any existing insurance policies until the court settled the matter. I know you're working hard on splitting finances. I learned in my case that finances aren't exactly in my control. I also learned that any previously discussed separation agreements aren't admissible in court. Then again, you may be able to set this all up in advance and simply work through a mediator. Obvious disclaimer = Different states, different laws, etc.
Good luck and good on yah for focusing on the girls and the rest of the family.
Her latest shenanigans are inspiring me to move quicker than I had planned but that's life. I have been reading that you can do a financial separation in NJ so I was hoping to use that as a first step. To be honest, I really need to talk to a lawyer before I can make any intelligent decisions.
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