lgib814

My boyfriend and I have been together for 13 years. The first 3 years he was drinking. I didn't drink with him, he would go out drinking and come over after or he would drink beer at home. He likes to go to nice restaurants in a nice suit and drink martinis. He became sober when he was locked up for 60 days after his 4th dui. His father died 3 years ago and he is the primary care giver for his mother who thinks he is her husband. She is quite demanding and he feels guilty that he doesn't want to be with her all of the time. He's torn. Our relationship has endured his dui's, his sobriety, my parent's death, my brother's death, and many other issues. It's not perfect and neither am I so maybe that is a stressor for him too. Anyway, he started only coming over 2 or 3 times a week using his mother as an excuse. He started just drinking a beer once in awhile and now he is drinking martinis out at nice places everyday. He still is loving when he comes over, tells me he loves me and yet he is going out at night. Last weekend we went out and I saw that he was sneaking drinks and the next night my daughter saw him in a bar drinking with a woman. I have now sent him all of his journals from when he was locker up and was first sober. I know he'll stay away from me for awhile because he know he hurt me. What do I do, confront him? Does he really love me and is using these women to drink with? We had wonderful loving and close time for 12 years, 9 of which were sober times.

oln

I am so sorry! Mine relapsed after 9 years sober, we have two young daughters but he left using the excuse of an ex gf from 28 years before. He is now rekindling that relationship hard as she certainly enjoys a drink alot more than i did, i believe they need an enabler and if you wont help then they have a tendency to look elsewhere, remember the love of alcohol is what its about.

kittykitty

lg, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have no advice for you, I really wish I did. It must be so hard to turn your back on those 9 years, I know you can't just forget about him.

I just hate this disease. I promised myself when I started my recovery in alanon, that I would never be with anyone who had an addiction, past or present, no matter how long they had been in recovery. I just couldn't handle it if they relapsed like that, 8 or 9 years in. Man, I really feel for you guys, and hope someone will be along soon with some soothing words of wisdom.

I do know this, their sobriety is their business, and no one else's. Confronting him might get a few basic questions answered, otherwise it will probably lead to more confusion, anger, and frustration for you. But you and the relationship not being perfect is not a good enough reason to fall off the wagon, and don't let anyone tell you different. What he is doing has NOTHING to do with you.

Hugs to you lg, and more hugs for you Oln!

ANEWAUGUST

This disease is always laying in wait to rear its head if we alcoholics do not have a program of recovery.

Do you attend Al-Anon?

You can't do anything about his choice to drink, you can choose to seek support for yourself...

BobbyJ

Damn...

Your story brings tears to my eyes

It makes my stomach churn

It makes me scream the words...I HATE ALCOHOLISM!!!

I dont have anything to say about the woman in the bar

On this side of the computer, it sounds like he is not ready to quit drinking and using
every excuse he can find to drink

"LOVE YOURSELF" first, good things will happen, might not be with him, but they
will come........