Things a "normie" wouldn't know.... Part 2
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Normies don’t take one glance at a stranger and instinctively be able to tell they are an alcoholic.
Normies can’t tell when they smell alcohol on someone’s breath - the immediate difference between a casual drinker and an alcoholic.
LadyM quote - “Normies don't worry that the smell their child will associate with their father is the smell of alcohol on the breath”
So true. There is a unique particular pungent smell that is associated with heavy alcohol consumption and often evident with late stage alcoholism - it is a combination of alcohol and alcohol that is being secreted through the sweat glands. It is a smell you never forget. It is the smell my late husband had almost non stop for the last 5 years of his life, and years later, my sons still sadly associate with their father.
My sons and I recently attended a memorial service for my late husband’s father, when a relative came up and spoke to my sons and I. I immediately recognized that unique smell of a late stage alcoholic ... and later when I mentioned this to one of my sons, his immediate response was “I know that smell and I could tell he was an alcoholic” - my son already knew this at the age of 20. This man’s brother later confirmed the observation.
This same son at the age of 17, could already tell the difference between an alcoholic and a social drinker when he saw someone in a convenience store buying beer or wine ... from the subtle tinges of yellow in their skin, the frail demeanor, awkward staggering gait or disheveled haggard appearance.
This same son is now a college junior can already recognize these things ... and has never even had a drink of alcohol in his life.
He has too many horrible memories of the how it can destroy people’s bodies and their lives ... and forever transform the lives of those closest to them.
Normies can’t tell when they smell alcohol on someone’s breath - the immediate difference between a casual drinker and an alcoholic.
LadyM quote - “Normies don't worry that the smell their child will associate with their father is the smell of alcohol on the breath”
So true. There is a unique particular pungent smell that is associated with heavy alcohol consumption and often evident with late stage alcoholism - it is a combination of alcohol and alcohol that is being secreted through the sweat glands. It is a smell you never forget. It is the smell my late husband had almost non stop for the last 5 years of his life, and years later, my sons still sadly associate with their father.
My sons and I recently attended a memorial service for my late husband’s father, when a relative came up and spoke to my sons and I. I immediately recognized that unique smell of a late stage alcoholic ... and later when I mentioned this to one of my sons, his immediate response was “I know that smell and I could tell he was an alcoholic” - my son already knew this at the age of 20. This man’s brother later confirmed the observation.
This same son at the age of 17, could already tell the difference between an alcoholic and a social drinker when he saw someone in a convenience store buying beer or wine ... from the subtle tinges of yellow in their skin, the frail demeanor, awkward staggering gait or disheveled haggard appearance.
This same son is now a college junior can already recognize these things ... and has never even had a drink of alcohol in his life.
He has too many horrible memories of the how it can destroy people’s bodies and their lives ... and forever transform the lives of those closest to them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 130
Originally Posted by LadyM 
Normies don't have to explain to their child that "daddy's sleeping" when he's passed out in the car.
Normies don't know what it's like to tell their kids, "Daddy is being grouchy tonight, so we're not going to play with him."
Normies don't have head-shaped holes in the wall, and they do look strangely at those who do.
And, this just in....
Normies don't hear "through the grapevine" that the maintenance person from their last place of residence is telling people around their small town about their ill-behaved dog that peed all over the recently-vacated house -- and have to send news back through said grapevine telling her to quit falsely accusing the innocent dog.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Normies don't have to turn their phone to silent at bedtime or risk being either kept awake, or woken up by the constant ringing.
Normies don't, when they do turn the phone on silent, wake up to 20+ texts from STBX. Looks like he has figured out how to continue to rant at me. This way is just much easier to ignore.
Normies don't, when they do turn the phone on silent, wake up to 20+ texts from STBX. Looks like he has figured out how to continue to rant at me. This way is just much easier to ignore.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
Normies don't understand what it is like to never know from one moment to the next ... what will happen next to unhinge your life.
Normies don't live in constant fear of the next phone call, or the next text message or email ... that will turn your world upside down.
Normies don't fear the sound of the garage door opening ... knowing peace and quiet of your home will soon be replaced by total chaos.
Normies don't live in constant fear of the next phone call, or the next text message or email ... that will turn your world upside down.
Normies don't fear the sound of the garage door opening ... knowing peace and quiet of your home will soon be replaced by total chaos.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 63
While watching a show on two guys who went to rehab for drugs, my A comments on what losers they are for being addicted to drugs. He says this as he's swaying on the couch, trying to eat a sandwich (but spilling most of it), drunk.
I would imagine this irony is lost on normies...
I would imagine this irony is lost on normies...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Normies don't get three e-mails from their ex containing the words "please" and "thank you" and clinically free of curse words, and immediately start circling the wagons and reach for their revolver.
Chaotically Peaceful
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: A state of peace
Posts: 322
Normies don't second guess themselves when they make decisions that are truly in their own best interest.
Normies don't keep their after-work schedules open when their kids are supposed to be picked up from child care by their dad...knowing there is a good chance that he won't be there.
Normies don't keep alternate plans in the back of their mind in case they are stood up or their plans fall through...again.
Normies don't exhaust themselves expending all of their energy trying to make it look like everything is perfect in their family, when it is so very far from that.
Normies don't keep their after-work schedules open when their kids are supposed to be picked up from child care by their dad...knowing there is a good chance that he won't be there.
Normies don't keep alternate plans in the back of their mind in case they are stood up or their plans fall through...again.
Normies don't exhaust themselves expending all of their energy trying to make it look like everything is perfect in their family, when it is so very far from that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Better than where I was
Posts: 267
Normies don't dread getting invited to a campfire even though you haven't seen your friends in months & love campfires.
Normies think your supposed to take the plastic off the chicken before you put it in the oven.
Normies think your supposed to take the plastic off the chicken before you put it in the oven.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Arizona
Posts: 153
Normies don't equate the phrase.. "I'm going to help out so and so for a few minutes and be right back" to mean, "I'm really going to go over and help, but I also plan to get sh*tfaced in the process and be gone all day long."
I must be crazy!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 15
normies don't have to clean the beer cans out of the shower before using it. He likes to have 2 beers while showering....i still don't get why??
normies don't have extra shower liners and curtains on hand at all time so you can replace them quickly when your AH grabs them and pulls them down when he falls out of the shower.
normies know what it is like to go to movies, get ice cream, and have a life after 4pm with their kids.
normies don't have to make sure the gas stove is off before going to bed every night, because their AH cooked on the stove and didn't turn the gas all the way off and it filled the house with gas for more than 6 hours making the children phyically sick; then said he would figure out the smell in the morning.
My AH is not trying to help himself. Up to 12-18 beers everynight. 4 to 9pm everynight then eats an goes to bed. He is a hardworker, provides for his family, but has to find the smallest fault with me daily to make him feel better. He thinks its okay because he doesn't go to bars.
normies don't have extra shower liners and curtains on hand at all time so you can replace them quickly when your AH grabs them and pulls them down when he falls out of the shower.
normies know what it is like to go to movies, get ice cream, and have a life after 4pm with their kids.
normies don't have to make sure the gas stove is off before going to bed every night, because their AH cooked on the stove and didn't turn the gas all the way off and it filled the house with gas for more than 6 hours making the children phyically sick; then said he would figure out the smell in the morning.
My AH is not trying to help himself. Up to 12-18 beers everynight. 4 to 9pm everynight then eats an goes to bed. He is a hardworker, provides for his family, but has to find the smallest fault with me daily to make him feel better. He thinks its okay because he doesn't go to bars.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 63
Normies don't find empty plastic cups in the dryer...
Normies aren't greeted at the door by a swaying man with glossy eyes claiming to be sober, then chalenges you to find the alcohol. (Um...just because the bottle is gone or hiding doesn't mean it never existed)!!
Normies don't type on SR while waiting for their fiance to cook dinner. Then when he's done is presented (in the bedroom) with a plate of pasta, hanging noodles off the side of the plate, and a spoon. Yeah....normies don't get this kind of gormet cooking!!
Um....and with only 6 days left in this house, guess who ISN'T going to clean up the kitchen...that's right, NOT ME!!
Normies aren't greeted at the door by a swaying man with glossy eyes claiming to be sober, then chalenges you to find the alcohol. (Um...just because the bottle is gone or hiding doesn't mean it never existed)!!
Normies don't type on SR while waiting for their fiance to cook dinner. Then when he's done is presented (in the bedroom) with a plate of pasta, hanging noodles off the side of the plate, and a spoon. Yeah....normies don't get this kind of gormet cooking!!
Um....and with only 6 days left in this house, guess who ISN'T going to clean up the kitchen...that's right, NOT ME!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: No Surf In Cleveland USA
Posts: 60
Another crappy moment.
Normies don't get a colonoscopy and wake up after the procedure and to have the responsible person thats suppose to drive you home be stone drunk !
The nurses would'nt let her drive me home. They had to call my brother to drive us both home !
The nurses would'nt let her drive me home. They had to call my brother to drive us both home !
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,547
Originally Posted by Just4me
While watching a show on two guys who went to rehab for drugs, my A comments on what losers they are for being addicted to drugs. He says this as he's swaying on the couch, trying to eat a sandwich (but spilling most of it), drunk.
As for missing someone who is still physically here: as I wrote a friend on AH's passing: I miss him, but I've had a lot of practice missing him. The man I married started disappearing a long time ago.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
A normie wouldn't understand the sentiment I tried to express to my AH for years (before I realized he was an A and instead, believed I was crazy) that I couldn't understand why I felt lonelier when we were together than when we were apart. I felt a growing distance when we were in the same room that was almost indescribable. I believed for years that it was my imagination and that I was neurotic. And then I started reading on here about this very feeling and knew I wasn't nuts.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western US
Posts: 143
Some days I still think I am nuts. Today is one of them. I cannot understand why I am so down (have been for the last few days) when I know in my heart I am not crazy but miss him terribly (now THAT is crazy).
I just hope to get through the next few days without breaking down and listening to his BS.
I just hope to get through the next few days without breaking down and listening to his BS.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
alone 22- it's remarkable to realize how alone i felt for so long, thinking that the things i was feeling were unique to me and being ashamed to talk about them bc i DID believe i was nuts for feeling them.... and then to realize that there are others all around who have been living with the same insanity... i have said many times i wish wish i wish i'd known anything about alcoholism so that i'd have found al anon sooner...
i went to marriage counseling with AH from the start of our marriage and we talked about the things that show up time and time again on this site-- being blamed for his stress, feeling alone when together, guilt trips etc... and not one single therapist suggested that there might be substance abuse at play. they all chalked it up to us needing to appreciate each other's needs and communication. funny, no matter how much i appreciated what AH's needs were and accomodated them communication never improved and my needs never mattered.
it makes me wonder now why it is that not a single T ever asked about drinking... i didn't realize how much AH drank but i wonder if someone had asked him directly (since we always went through family history and he always shared that his father was an A) about it whether it might have become a part of the conversation a lot earlier.... not that that would have changed him but i at least could have been introduced to al anon which i didn't even know existed, let alone what it was...
i went to marriage counseling with AH from the start of our marriage and we talked about the things that show up time and time again on this site-- being blamed for his stress, feeling alone when together, guilt trips etc... and not one single therapist suggested that there might be substance abuse at play. they all chalked it up to us needing to appreciate each other's needs and communication. funny, no matter how much i appreciated what AH's needs were and accomodated them communication never improved and my needs never mattered.
it makes me wonder now why it is that not a single T ever asked about drinking... i didn't realize how much AH drank but i wonder if someone had asked him directly (since we always went through family history and he always shared that his father was an A) about it whether it might have become a part of the conversation a lot earlier.... not that that would have changed him but i at least could have been introduced to al anon which i didn't even know existed, let alone what it was...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 451
Normies don't seeth in a silent rage at yet another song on the radio glorifying being an alcoholic and getting sh*t-faced.[/QUOTE]
Normies don't hate music they once loved for this very reason. I can almost no longer even stomach the sound of music being played in my house. SO very, very sad.
Normies don't hate music they once loved for this very reason. I can almost no longer even stomach the sound of music being played in my house. SO very, very sad.
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