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In agony over alcoholic adult child

Old 06-27-2011, 10:35 PM
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In agony over alcoholic adult child

Hello,

I had my second call tonight from my alcoholic 25 year old daughter. We live on opposite coasts.

I bailed her out of one of her "rock bottoms" when she was 20 and of course, it did nothing but prolong the inevitable.

She called me for the second time in about three weeks begging me to fly to her.

I simply can not (which is a good thing, or I would be tempted). I can't leave work or afford it. Nor would it do any good.

I told her that I love her, but she needs to get effing serious about getting some help. She has every excuse in the book.

I know all this, but after I got off the phone with her, I feel like vomiting. She pulled on every mommy string in my heart. Will this get any more easy?

I am going to start a faith based alanon group next week, but am hoping for some words of encouragement here.

Thank you, in advance.
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Old 06-27-2011, 11:02 PM
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Yes, it will get better. I don't know if she will get better, but you will.

Thank you so much for posting this. I needed to read it today.
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Old 06-28-2011, 05:30 AM
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Gardenfreak,

I have not personally dealt with your situation, but many people in my Al-Anon group have. And they got better. And some children got better, too. And some did not. But I do know these people have found the skills and support they needed to cope with what must be such a heart-wrenching place.
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Old 06-28-2011, 05:36 AM
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((Garden)) Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry for your pain. It does get easier, I think. My A stepson (30 yo) has pulled every guilt-inducing, manipulative trick in the book on my husband. Mr. HG and I have realized that there is really nothing we can do to make his life go any better for him. We tell him that we love him and offer our opinion now only when asked. He is a grown man who will have to be responsible for the consequences of his actions just like the rest of us.

It is hard on a parent's heart, though. Sending hugs and prayers for you and your dear daughter.

HG
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Old 06-28-2011, 08:30 AM
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They are experts at tugging at our heartstrings, for sure! As the mother of a 33-year-old in active addiction, I can tell you it has gotten easier for me.

My AD only lives 35 miles south of me, but we have very limited contact. I absolutely refuse to take a front row seat to her addictions anymore.

As a long-term recovering alcoholic/addict myself, I know it took every miserable experience in my life in order to get to where I am today. I will not rob my AD of the same opportunity.

I sleep well at night knowing I have placed her in God's loving hands.

Welcome to SR, and I hope you continue to post. We care!
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Old 06-28-2011, 09:33 AM
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Thank you all so much.

I prayed for her last night and myself, and again this morning.

It is interesting, because both of my parents are/were alcoholics (my mother is deceased).

I have gone to ACOA and Alanon in the past to deal with the impact their drinking had and still has on me, but now, I am looking at addiction from another position.

I will keep reading and posting.

Thank you again for your encouragement.
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Old 06-28-2011, 11:24 AM
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Oh that's awful. I pray you find peace, and so does she.
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Old 06-28-2011, 11:37 AM
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I can't imagine what I put my mother through for years as an addict. I'm so sorry. Addiction runs in my family and I always tugged on her strings with the fact that she left me when I was six because she couldn't be a mother and an alcoholic. She was clean by the time I was 14 and then I started the cycle at 20. If you can both make it through this awful time it will get better. I'm now 41 and started a family. I still struggle, but I've learned to help myself to try and get better.

At 25 its so hard - you still don't know who you are or what you want to do. She will figure it out I promise. Hang tough mom - you are doing great. Now that I'm a mom, it breaks my heart to hear your story. I fear that I will pass this on to them one day.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:20 PM
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I appreciate your perspective, Squishyboots. Thanks.
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Old 06-28-2011, 09:39 PM
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Good on you for starting an Alanon group.

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