NTurn

Hi folks...well just a wee bit of background for those that don't know me. My twin sister is an alcoholic, for over 20 yrs now. Shes been on & off the wagon so many times i cant count.
Things have been going well for a few months & shes been trying so hard to stay sober, in her words...I'm doing great!! she even went for an interview & got the job! The family were all delighted for her saying " this is what she needs, this will help her, this will get her out the house and around people again. " yes everyone was delighted. Apart from me....
Inside all i felt were alarm bells, I know this sounds like I'm not being supportive, but I am being realistic. I know my sister, i know her track record, we are twins i know her mind. I also know I have to give her the benefit of the doubt, after talking with her about being ready, really ready to make that step. Her life i know! I still care though.
Anyway...she started work, all went well as she settled into it really quickly. However, I still i have this niggling feeling..waiting for the S**T to hit the fan. This sounds so bad like I have no faith in my sister, but my intuition tells me shes gonna lose this job the same way as the rest...turning up drunk or not turning up at all because shes too drunk to get out of bed. But also I'm praying that this time, maybe this time will be the right time and that i'm over reacting and I shouldn't be thinking this stuff..cant help it.
So she had yesterday and today and tomorrow off and is due back in Wednesday morning. I go round to have a cuppa & catch up today to find her drunk.........what can i say, it hit me like a punch to the gut, I was so upset with her, didn't show it I walked away because there's no talking to her when shes like that, it falls on deaf ears anyway. The big brick wall goes up.
Anyway, its bothered me big time, i am worried shes gonna lose this job, if she does lose the job she will hit the bottle in a big way that's what she does when things don't go to plan
I understand its her consequence and her responsibility not mine but i had to share, get it out because its really bothering me inside.
Thanks for listening..I am gonna see what tomorrow brings.

MeredithD1

I try to find a place in my own experience where I can relate to what someone is saying when they write, and I try to give the best I can from my point of relating.

I can't, at all, relate to having a twin, to having that special bond that twins have. I can empathize on what it must be like for you, how much more personal it might feel to you.

You're right, IMHO, to know that walking away was the best alternative and that your anger would do nothing to change her.

And that made me think, even with the intimate nature of your relationship, that is unique to twins, you still need to know that you didn't Cause it; you can't Control it, and you can't Cure it.

If she loses her job...she loses her job. You know her mind but can't completely know her disease. Of course you want what is best for her, but she has to choose which medicine she is going to take - the "medicine" of the progressive disease of alcoholism, or the medicine of recovery.

I hope tomorrow brings the best.

kittykitty

I'm sorry that you have to go through this with a family member.

Awareness: your sister is an alcoholic.

Acceptance: some people just don't want to get better.

Action: focus on yourself, and what you can do to recover from the affects of her alcoholism.

I feel for how much energy you have put into worrying about her, wanting the best for her. I've don it. Waiting for the **** to hit the fan is putting alot of focus on her...it's her **** and it's her fan, it has nothing to do with you. It's her life, her addiction, let her deal with it.

I know it probably sounds pretty harsh. But for me, focusing so much energy on what someone else was or wasn't doing, and concentrating on how their life was turning out, just kept me from dealing with my own issues.

NTurn

update from my last post...
My twin sister lost the job, she turned up drunk & was fired on the spot
another binge, 2 weeks solid drinking everyday.. took a seizure & landed up in hospital for a week
Detox in hospital & brain scan which showed up as having had a little stroke & another a few days later while she was in hospital.
I picked her up on Friday and take her to her house sober...phew!
Today I peel her off the pavement outside our mums house...Paralytic drunk!
She wont stop will she dead, which I fear aint so far away I can feel it..I can feel something big is gonna happen and its a bad bad feeling I cant shake off. I am scared

NTurn

Thanks Anvilhead, I was doing really well with the whole detachment until recently when things started to get worse, this is the worst! I am so mixed up as I know what I need to do. But the detachment is harder then ever now but I am really trying to let her face her own consequences & live her own life the way she chooses. Then it all gets a whole lot worse and I step in through fear if anything....then i get mad with myself for doing so!
I have been to 3 Al-anon meets this week alone for my own sanity! Its helping, I'm obsessing again, I see the signs! I need to get a grip & back off

Freedom1990

Excellent! You're getting the face-to-face support you need, and you recognize the obsessing! Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

dollydo

I understand that there is a special bond between twins. Some twins describe it as being emeshed as one. It appears that you are attempting to walk her path with her...unfortunately, no matter what the bond is, this is something that cannot be done.

She is on her own path, not a good one, yet it is hers to follow, or divert. There is nothing that you can do to change that, it is totally up to her.

Worrying yourself is not going to change a thing, have you considered getting yourself some therapy?

I am sorry, I hate to see this happen to another, I have spent over 60 years watching my mother crawl into the bottle.....yet. at age 85 she is still standing...more or less, so I have had to let go, for me, for my peace of mind.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

NTurn

Freedom, I feel like I am back to baby steps...but baby steps that will turn into large strides!!
I am going out my mind with worry for her again & its really took the wind out of my sails! Thanks for your support and replies folks, I appreciate each & every one of you.

Freedom1990

Speaking of sails my former sponsor gave me a bronze medallion with a sail boat on it. It reads, "We can't control the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails."

I refer to it often. Oh, and I've gone back to baby steps many a time!

brocat

Hi Nturn we have talked before, I am back after four months. We share the heart ache of a sister we love dearly that is an alcoholic. I am six years older and feel like I should be able to help her. She ran away from home at 15 and has never stopped running. Bad things have happened to her. And now she does the bad things to herself. I am sort of reconciled to her never kicking alcohol. It has become a cycle of weeks on and and then off with the drinking weeks being longer and more drink. Waiting to get into detox doesn't help. they say no beds till 18 Sept. That is 30 days and 4 litres a day how long can her body take it. Just don't feel like the hard love will cure anything for her so feel like I just have to be there for her. Feel like screaming. bye for now