Anxiety about Alanon
 

Today i was going to go to Alanon for the first time. RAH is out of town and its a perfect time to go. HP put it very close to my work

BUT.. my anxiety is increasing about it.. Not the content of the meeting but the setting of it really. I went to an open AA once and there wasn't anywhere to "hid in the back" with circle seating. I like to observe first, take it all in but i'm afraid once your inside the room then its "full on" people contact time and we are very close together.

Its sounds crazy, i know... (shrug)

The good part about these meetings is you don't have to say anything. You'll probably get a newcomers packet and some kind words from people there, and that's it. It is the most non-threatening environment I've ever encountered. At least within my home group...

First meeting I went to I sat "outside" the circle I didn't talk, nobody forced me to participate.
It was hard and very emotional but I stuck it out and kept on trying different meetings until I found some that were right for me.

I was so scared of my first meeting too. I think that's really normal. I remember getting there, sitting in silence... and then spending most of the meeting crying.

Just get yourself in the door... and the rest will work itself out!

Today was my 5th week going and I remember the first day, I have to drive 30 mins to get there and I talked my self out of going at least ten times. But once I walked in the door I knew I was right were I needed to be and they ask me if I wanted to say anything but that I didn't have to. I opened up and it felt wonderful to be in a place that was full of people who understood the path I am on, because they have all walked a similar path. And it was good to find out I was not being judged, and that It wasn't my fault. I didn't cause it, I cant control it and I cant cure it. Such a relief.

Oh, yes, Mr. HG and I were scared out of our gourds the first time.....but we had a great experience and were greeted by wonderful, welcoming folks who completely understood our situation.

Here's a hug for courage! :ghug3

You do not have to speak. You can say "I pass."

I say take a little of our couarge with you and give it a try - after all what have you got to lose?

oh maybe that knot in your stomach,
pain in your neck
tension in your head

and to gain . . .

peace in your heart
friends
serenity
knowledge of the disease
tools of the program
recovery literature

and you don't even have to say your name if you don't want to

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Don't feel crazy. I haven't even gotten up the courage to find a local meeting yet. I know I should... I know it would probably help a lot... but the idea still intimidates me. I've never been much for speaking in public settings or joining groups, so my anxiety level is very high.

Good luck... maybe your experience will encourage others like me to take the plunge.

I know exactly how you feel -- I'm planning on going to my first meeting tonight, and I keep giving myself all these reasons I shouldn't go (have to write those articles, baby's bedtime is right in the middle of the meeting, etc.) but I'm GOING to go. I've told as many people as I can that I'm going so there's some accountability, and I only have a 5-minute drive from home to talk myself out of it. The other meetings in town are a mere 5 blocks away, but they're later in the week. I know when it comes time I'm going to get baby ready to go, put her in the pickup, and drive to the church where the meeting is held. I'm just focusing on driving over there. Once I get there I can worry about actually walking through the door.

Having been in a bunch of group therapy sessions (inpatient care as a teenager) I am very glad to hear that no one pressures anyone to talk. With the therapy groups I've been in it's like, "Okay, R, it's your turn, tell us about all the horrible parts of your life." From everything I've heard, as long as I can get myself through the door at that meeting then I'll be glad I went.

I think those feelings are natural. I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting last week, in fact. I was intimidated at first, but the group was so welcoming and warm, I really 'enjoyed' it for lack of a better term.

I felt kind of guilty, because I have only been with my wife in recovery, and some of the group members have active addict spouses. When it was my turn to talk, I mentioned that, and they told me not to worry because alcoholism is a lifelong disease, no matter which stage you are in.

I'm definitely going back this week.

Well.. I have ran out of excuses so far. Daughter might want me to come home after work? Nope.. She has plans.I'm hungry and not a lot of money to eat out? McD's has 1.00 nuggents today and 1.00 sweet tea
In the parking lot.. Pre_observing those going in. Don't see anyone with four arms or an extra eye. Someone was carrying something in tho. Looks like harmless coffee and muffins.. Ugh..
A lady just walked by me with a courage to change book tucked under her arm and a huge smile..

I hope you went to the meeting...

It can be intimidating at first but I'm sure the people there will be very welcoming.

You have SO MUCH to gain by going...
I'm cheering you on...

Mary

I hope you made it inside. I was also very nervous about going. I have a hard time with new things period. It took all of my courage to walk in and sit down, but I am so glad I did it. The understanding and wisdom is those rooms is so powerful. I missed my meeting today and it actually made me a bit sad. I always walk out of there feeling better. Every time I go I hear something that sticks with me, a life skill that I can use the rest of my life.

ummm......
well.......
okay, admission time. I who am such a _huge_ supporter of al-anon sat in the parking lot _three_ whole times before I got the courage to walk inside.

And I'm no wuss, either. I sponsor cops, navy seals, marines, bikers and other such macho-men. But walking into a room full of strangers when I was so filled with pain? nope.

Three whole times. Then I finally made it in on the fourth and whadya know. Everybody else in there was filled with their own pain and they were _glad_ to have me share it with them. Amazing.

So yeah, if you're nervous about going, you're doing just fine cuz we all are.

Mike :)

My last ditch effort to just stay in the parking lot.. I decided i would ask someone going in about the meeting and seating (circle or not, lol). A minute until meeting time. I find this guy who "looked" like he had been there before.
Me: You going to the Alanon meeting
Him: Yes (Great i thought)
Me: How is the meeting?
Him: Idk, i've never been to one (Ugh!!, i thought)
Me: I'm very nervous
Him: Me too
Me: You go in first
After overcoming the initial embarrassment of the group thinking we had come "together" ( i guess i hid behind him too well, lol)
The meeting was PERFECT and just what i needed..
Thanks to all, for your support